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The Mutilator, Scream (1981), Terror Train

The Mutilator – 1984, US, 86m. Director: Buddy Cooper.

Scream – 1981, US, 82m. Director: Byron Quisenberry.

Terror Train – 1980, Canada, 97m. Director: Roger Spottiswoode.

THE MUTILATOR (1984) (AKA: Fall Break) An appropriately titled bloodbath filmed in North Carolina and subjected to numerous rounds with the MPAA over its graphic violence—a scene where a young woman is hooked in the groin is particularly gruesome. The woman was the victim of a wacko who lost his marbles years ago when his son accidentally shot the mom with a rifle. Now in college, the son (Matt Mitler) and his friends become the obsession of his demented dad (Jack Chatham), who sleeps in the cellar of his house with an oversized ax and dreams of cutting his son’s throat. Chatham soon makes his dream a reality when Mitler and gang arrive at the house for a weekend of partying but end up on the sharp end of Chatham’s plethora of weapons. The characters are mostly duds, and watching them die in horrible ways is the only benefit the viewer can take away from this Halloween/Friday the 13th/The Prowler clone. One of Mitler’s buddies gets shredded with an outboard motor after skinny dipping with his girlfriend. A nosy security guard is beheaded with Chatham’s infamous ax. The killer strings up his prey on meat hooks, building to the obligatory scene where a character stumbles upon his dead friends before getting impaled with a pitchfork. Chatham gets his in the end when he’s mowed down by Mitler’s Cadillac convertible and cut in half. Good makeup effects by Mark Shostrom and Anthony Showe, but not much else. C (Currently streaming on Night Flight Plus and Arrow Player.)

SCREAM (1981) Campers on a rafting expedition are stalked by a killer after stopping for the night in a ghost town. The characters start pointing fingers at each other with the discovery of the first victim—hung from a noose—but that doesn’t stop more bodies from dropping, which unfortunately for the viewer are in sleep-inducing ways. None of the campers have personalities, so even after being bumped off, their absence is barely noticed. The filmmakers were obviously striving for a Friday the 13th-style slasher, but the lack of energy and suspense is clear from the beginning, as are the gory makeup effects typically found in this type of film. While one can appreciate the mystery angle the writers were striving for, the mystery ultimately proves fruitless if there’s no core to its aimless plot, which descends into supernatural territory during the absurd third act. Pepper Martin, the loudmouth truck stop bully from Superman II, here plays a loudmouth bully. How’s that for casting? D+ (Currently unavailable.)

TERROR TRAIN (1980) Freshman pledge Kenny (Derek McKinnon) is used as bait for a fraternity prank and left psychologically scarred by the incident—which involves a stolen corpse. Three years later, the frat brothers and sorority sisters responsible for Kenny’s torment throw a New Year’s Eve costume party on a moving passenger train, unaware a masked killer is in their midst. After a character is dispatched, the maniac steals the victim’s costume, making it seem as if the dead person is still very much alive, and tricking others into feeling their bloody wrath. Surprises are not something Terror Train has a lot of, especially when it’s revealed Kenny is the murderer seeking revenge for the aforementioned prank that left him in a psychiatric ward. What this film does have is excellent production values and acting, including Jamie Lee Curtis in one of her better post-Halloween, pre-Hollywood roles. C+ (Currently streaming on Roku and Plex.)

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Eyes of a Stranger, Psycho Cop, Schizoid

Eyes of a Stranger – 1981, US, 84m. Director: Ken Wiederhorn.

Psycho Cop – 1989, US, 87m. Director: Wallace Potts.

Schizoid – 1980, Israel/US, 89m. Director: David Paulson.

EYES OF A STRANGER (1981) A serial rapist and killer is on the loose in Miami. The discovery of a half-naked victim in a mangrove puts the female population on edge, as do the obscene phone calls the murderer places in order to torment his prey. Local reporter Jane Harris (Lauren Tewes) becomes embroiled in the case, especially when she begins to suspect her demented neighbor, Stanley Herbert (John DiSanti), might be the culprit. And she’s right—after dumping a victim on the beach, Stanley slashes the throats of two witnesses. Jane’s sleuthing gets the best of her when Stanley finds out her identity and goes after her blind and deaf sister (Jennifer Jason Leigh). Eyes of a Stranger wants to be an elegant Brain De Palma-esque thriller but at its core it’s a seedy low-budget slasher—and it works quite well. The filmmakers opted more for suspense than outright gore (there is a gruesome decapitation courtesy of Tom Savini), especially during the intense climax. A serviceable little shocker with good acting and slick direction from Ken Wiederhorn (Shock Waves). B (Currently not available.)

PSYCHO COP (1989) One-dimensional people are stalked by a one-dimensional killer in this one-dimensional movie. An annoying couple lost on a back road are dispatched by a maniac (Bobby Ray Shafer) in a policeman’s uniform. When he’s not telling his victims bad jokes pre-kill, the psycho cop is tracing pentagrams in the dirt. Even more annoying characters are introduced in the form of partying douchebags that Shafer follows to a remote house. The woods gives the killer the perfect opportunity to hide and watch his prey drink beer, whine, and act like general nincompoops. There’s a caretaker—looking like he just stepped out of a gay porno—who claims the county stationed him at the house for security reasons, but he’s whacked in the head with an ax before we’re given anymore exposition. Psycho Cop is filled with long stretches of boredom as we’re forced to watch characters endlessly complain, about anything. When someone is finally bumped off, their death is unimaginative and bloodless. Why is the psycho cop doing all of this? Because he’s a Devil-worshipping serial killer who’s escaped from a mental hospital, or something. Who cares—the movie stinks. F (Currently streaming on Plex.)

SCHIZOID (1980) Advice columnist Julie (Mariana Hill) receives an anonymous letter threatening murder. Her editor brushes the letter off as a work of fiction; moments later Julie’s friend is stabbed to death by a scissors-wielding maniac. Julie shows the letter to her psychiatrist, Dr. Fales (Klaus Kinski), who also dismisses the situation before grabbing her for a quick embrace. Fales’ creepy leering at his teen daughter (Donna Wilkes) undressing in an earlier scene suggests he’s not the healthiest doctor in town. The killing of another woman (and patient of Fales) ignites a police investigation, who still don’t think the letters are a connection to the murders. Meanwhile, Julie’s disgruntled ex-husband (Craig Wasson) complains about their divorce, Wilkes blames her father for her mother’s suicide, and Fales acts suspicious in general. This schlocky homage to Italian giallos was Cannon Films’ first venture into slasher territory—they would tap out a year later with X-Ray—and for the most part it’s quite entertaining. Kinski adds a layer of professionalism to the film with one of his more restrained performances. The rest of the cast is also good, including Wilkes, Wasson, Christopher Lloyd, and (briefly) Karl Malden. The only thespian who seems uncomfortable is Hill (Fredo’s wife in The Godfather Part II) who more often than not comes off as too meek to muster much sympathy. B– (Currently not streaming.)

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Absurd, Blood Cult, Offerings

Absurd – 1981, Italy, 90m. Director: Joe D’Amato.

Blood Cult – 1985, US, 89m. Director: Christopher Lewis.

Offerings – 1989, US, 92m. Director: Christopher Reynolds.

ABSURD (1981) (AKA: Horrible; Monster Hunter) A babysitter and two kids are terrorized by a sadistic madman in this Italian rip-off of Halloween, made by the same people who brought you the family-friendly gore epic Anthropophagus. After awaking in the hospital, post-op, the madman (George Eastman) shoves an electric drill through a nurse’s skull and escapes into the night where he’s pursued by a mysterious priest (Edmund Purdom) who claims Eastman cannot be killed in the traditional sense—and giving the screenplay a convenient way for Eastman to withstand multiple bullet wounds and even a disemboweling! There are no surprises or any suspense found in the course of the 90-minute film. In fact, the lack of any kind of originality gives the movie a bad vibe that’s difficult to shake. The film does offer a truly funny moment in which a group of friends at a football party are dressed in suit-and-tie and eating bowls of linguine. Clearly the filmmakers immersed themselves in American culture before writing this turkey. D (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

BLOOD CULT (1985) You have to give the makers of this direct-to-video splatterfest credit for opening their movie with not only a tribute to Halloween (POV shot of a killer sneaking into a house at night) but also Psycho (a sorority babe is hacked to pieces in the shower). After the opening mayhem, the maniac heads to another sorority house where, meat-cleaver in hand, he decapitates a student and uses the severed head to beat a co-ed unconscious. The police are clueless, but the sheriff’s librarian daughter—an expert in the occult—believes the crimes have ritualistic overtones. More college kids get carved up—a woman has her leg chopped off while (of all things) taking out the trash—until one of the not-so-bright characters realizes parts of each of the victims is being taken by the killer. If you’ve seen H.G. Lewis’s Blood Feast you’ll have an understanding of where the plot of Blood Cult is going. That’s not to disparage the film entirely—Blood Cult is better made than it deserves to be. The writers pumped more character development and story structure into the paper-thin plot than you’d expect from such a bargain-basement slasher flick. But, it’s still a bargain-basement slasher flick—where else are you going to see a movie featuring a hero who resembles Roger Ebert? C+ (Currently not available.)

OFFERINGS (1989) Tired of being victimized by the world, young Johnny takes revenge by murdering his abusive mother and cannibalizing her. A decade later, the now grown but still very psychotic Johnny (Richard A. Buswell) escapes from the local sanitarium and returns to his childhood neighborhood to pick up where he left off by killing those who tormented him as a kid. A teenager’s skull is crushed in a vice and one of his fingers is left on the front porch of the girl (Loretta Leigh Bowman) who was nice to the madman as a child. Bowman receives more “gifts” from Johnny, including a severed ear—perhaps a homage to Blue Velvet?—and a pizza topped with human remains. The desecrated grave of Johnny’s mother is found with the headstone shattered in a scene that was obviously influenced by Halloween. In fact, so much of Offerings is ripped from the John Carpenter film that the viewer must constantly remind themselves the movie is not a parody—although one will most likely chuckle at the sight of a single teardrop emanating from the killer’s eye after being shot to pieces in the ludicrous ending; a particularly weird touch by the filmmakers. But like the majority of the movie, it’s not worth your time. C– (Available on YouTube.)

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Christmas Horror Revisited 🪓 Part 2

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984) Young Billy’s crazy grandfather plays mind games with the kid by instilling in him the idea that Santa Claus punishes those who’ve been naughty. This is followed by Billy witnessing the murder of his parents by a scumbag in a Santa outfit, culminating with the boy’s mental collapse years later at a Catholic orphanage—where he festers in a hotbed of sexual frustration and psychopathic tendencies. Come the holiday season, a teenage Billy (Robert Brian Wilson) completely snaps and—with axe in hand—goes on a Christmas Eve killing spree. After bumping off the usual foul-mouthed bullies and horny teens, he heads back to the orphanage to dispatch the strict Mother Superior (Lilyan Chauvin) who reinforced “punishment” methods that helped fuel Billy’s rage. Silent Night, Deadly Night was blasted by critics, and especially parents’ groups, for its negative depiction of Santa as a homicidal maniac. They missed the point, as the movie is really more anti-religion than anything else. I’m perhaps giving the film more credit than it deserves; nonetheless, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a thoroughly entertaining and unabashedly campy Yuletide splatterfest. (Currently not streaming.)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 (1987) Teenage Ricky (Eric Freeman), the younger brother of the Santa Claus killer from Part 1, is locked up in an institution after committing his own string of murders. (This doesn’t come to the surprise of anyone who remembers the climactic stinger of the first movie, where Ricky shouts “Naughty!” after witnessing Big Bro’s demise.) After ruminating about Billy’s massacre (which incorporates 30 minutes of flashback footage) and his own subsequent killing spree, Ricky kills his psychiatrist, dons a Santa outfit, and returns to the family business of slaughtering innocent people. The viewer will most likely not mind since the majority of Ricky’s victims are rapists, loan sharks, and general douchebags. The black humored violence offsets the film’s mean-spiritedness, especially the scene where Ricky kills a loud-mouthed jerk at a theater showing a movie about a killer Santa. Other humorous moments include Ricky returning to his childhood orphanage, the street number of which is 666. On the whole, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a lesser sequel that’s not quite as bad as its reputation suggests. Just don’t expect a Christmas miracle. (Currently streaming on Prime, Roku, Tubi, and Shudder.)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! (1989) Ricky, the Santa Claus killer from Part 2, has been lying in a coma since being blasted out a window with a shotgun. Laura (Samantha Scully), a young blind woman with extrasensory perception, unknowingly forms a psychic connection with Ricky (Bill Moseley)—the result of a devious neurologist’s obsession with waking the serial killer by abusing Laura’s powers under false pretenses. The doc’s plans work as Ricky awakens and, with knife in hand, follows Laura and her brother to their grandmother’s country house for Christmas. Ricky ditches the Santa gear for a plastic medical bubble he wears on his head, exposing his brain. (In the previous film, Ricky was shot in the gut, not the head, leaving the viewer questioning this bit of flamboyant headgear.) But Silent Night, Deadly Night 3 isn’t written within the realms of logic—by this point in the series, story and continuity are incidental, and the film designed to appeal to the splatter crowd by offering up gory delights. This would explain how Ricky has morphed into a seemingly unstoppable killing machine, punching through doors and able to withstand multiple gunshot wounds. There’s some suspense towards the end, but the killing of too many likable characters makes Better Watch Out! a bummer. The disemboweling of the Evil Doctor is a highlight. (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 4: INITIATION (1990) Intrepid reporter Kim (Neith Hunter) stumbles upon the bizarre death of a woman in downtown Los Angeles, but her male coworkers dismiss the crime as unimportant. So Kim decides to investigate herself, which leads her to bookstore owner Fima (Maud Adams), who slowly initiates Kim into a cult of man-hating, lesbian pagans. At first Kim enjoys her new female cohorts—until she realizes Fima is using her as part of some sacrificial offering to Lilith, the Biblical Adam’s first wife and witch. The writers abandon the Ricky/killer Santa storyline from the previous Silent Night, Deadly Nights and instead focus on a supernatural tale infused with themes not usually found in slasher movies, such as lesbianism and New Age feminism. There’s a character named Ricky (Clint Howard), but it’s unclear whether it’s the same Ricky from Parts 2 and 3. It doesn’t matter much, as this Ricky ends up getting eviscerated and thrown to the curb where a bunch of oversized bugs feast on his innards. None of the film makes a lick of sense, but in its own way Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation works. It’s weird, it’s gross, and it’s never dull. (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 5: THE TOY MAKER (1991) Young Derek (William Thorne) receives a mysterious toy as a Christmas gift, which comes to life and kills the boy’s father. The murderous device seems to be the product of Joe Petto (Mickey Rooney), a local toymaker whose once thriving business is dying, turning the man into an abusive alcoholic. Petto takes most of his anger out on his teenage son, Pino (Brian Bremer). As the story progresses and more people are slaughtered, Petto slips on the proverbial Santa suit, breaks into homes, and unleashes his army of killer toys—leading to the predictable kidnapping of Derek and “revelation” that Pino is a robot, several screws short of sane. Silent Night, Deadly Night 5 doesn’t have any qualms about ripping off Pinocchio. In fact, the majority of the film is done tongue-in-cheek, which would explain the casting of Rooney, who publicly berated the original Silent Night, Deadly Night for its use of Santa as a serial killer. As with the other films in the SNDN series, if you enjoyed one, you’ll most likely enjoy The Toy Maker. All others will give it a wide berth. Director Martin Kitrosser would later become Quentin Tarantino’s script supervisor. (Currently streaming on Tubi and Roku.)

Happy Holidays!!!

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Christmas Horror Revisited 🎄 Part 1

Black Christmas – 1974, Canada, 98m. Director: Bob Clark.

Black Christmas – 2006, US, 95m. Director: Glen Morgan.

Bloodbeat – 1983, US, 87m. Director: Fabrice-Ange Zaphiratos.

Silent Night, Bloody Night – 1972, US, 84m. Director: Theodore Gershuny.

To All a Goodnight – 1980, US, 87m. Director: David Hess.

BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974) (AKA: Silent Night, Evil Night) The template for what would become the modern slasher movie, Black Christmas took the “killer’s-in-the-house” urban legend—later popularized in When a Stranger Calls and Scream—and transformed it into an influential, white-knuckle chiller. A sorority house becomes the perfect hiding spot for a killer who’s taken up residence inside the attic over the quiet Christmas break. The maniac eventually moves from voyeurism to murder, sparking a police investigation into a series of disturbing phone calls, which could be coming from the mentally unhinged boyfriend (Kier Dullea) of one of the house’s students (Olivia Hussey). Much like Halloween (which borrows quite liberally from this film), Black Christmas focuses more on character and suspense than on-screen bloodshed, building to an effective climax—the creepy twist ending gives the film another layer of psychological horror that stays with you. Tightly-paced and tautly directed by Bob Clark, this first-rate thriller was initially ignored but rapidly achieved cult status through late-night showings on television. Clark went on to helm another holiday classic, 1983’s A Christmas Story. (Streaming on Prime, Peacock, Tubi, and Shudder.)

BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006) The hot-to-trot sorority sisters of Delta Alpha Kappa get shish-kebabbed in more ways than one in this violent updating of the Bob Clark original. Expanding on the backstory only hinted at in the 1974 film, this version pits the sorority not only against the demented activities of escaped murderer Billy Lenz (Robert Mann) but his equally psychotic sister, Agnes, both of whom enjoy plucking out the eyeballs of their victims and masticating on the gooey remains—in extreme close-up. Former X-Files producer Glen Morgan directs the movie with an ’90s-inspired fervor that, for most of its 80-plus minutes, is so relentlessly paced the viewer might experience whiplash. The Alpha Kappas are all personality-infused—House Mother Mrs. Mac is played by the original’s Andrea Martin—yet their gory demises don’t muster the sympathy we felt for the ’74 characters. A harmless, colorful remake. (Streaming on Paramount+, Tubi, and Freevee.)

BLOODBEAT (1983) A family—many of whom are embedded with psychic/telekinetic powers—celebrating Christmas in rural Wisconsin are terrorized by the bloodthirsty spirit of a samurai warrior. How and why this malevolent being is targeting this specific family is never explained; the same can be said about their powers, which the clan’s mother (Helen Benton) is best at controlling. What is clear is that the samurai wields a mighty blade, used to slice open the neighbors while Benton and gang try to create a psychic barrier to protect themselves. An offbeat little film made all the more surreal by director Fabrice-Ange Zaphiratos’s handling of the material, which has an overly European flair. Granted, this lends the film an otherworldly feel, but to a degree Bloodbeat is often too surreal, creating a mixed watching experience for the viewer—some will appreciate Zaphiratos’s artsy aesthetic, others will loathe it. Either way, one can’t deny Bloodbeat‘s commitment to the form; whether it works or not is up to you. (Streaming on Tubi.)

SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT (1972) (AKA: Night of the Dark Full Moon and Death House) On Christmas Eve, 1950, a man named Wilfred Butler is immolated in his country estate, the crime later pronounced a suicide. Twenty years later, Butler’s grandson sells the house to a group of town officials, all of whom want to forget about the tragedy and tear the building down. The demolition plans—as well as the estate lawyer’s use of the house’s bedroom for sex with his much younger girlfriend—are interrupted by the activities of a hatchet-wielding madman. The killer’s arrival coincides with that of Butler’s grandson (James Patterson) and the escape of a patient from the local sanitarium. All of the bloodshed is over an incident that happened decades earlier when Butler turned his mansion into a home for the mentally ill, subsequently committing his own daughter as a patient. The plot gets a little confusing towards the climax, but Silent Night, Bloody Night is too good to dismiss. The mystery is intriguing enough to keep viewers engaged, and the axe-murders have enough splatter to please gorehounds. The use of the killer’s POV and Joseph Mohr’s “Silent Night” predates Black Christmas. Look for Andy Warhol superstars Candy Darling and Ondine in a flashback. Highly recommended. (Streaming on Prime and Tubi.)

TO ALL A GOODNIGHT (1980) The snotty young women of Calvin’s Finishing School are bumped off over Christmas vacation by a demented killer in this trashy but enjoyable rip-off of Black Christmas. A student plunges to her death, the boyfriend of one of the girls is subdued from behind while sneaking around the garden, yet another student is stabbed in the heart with a buck knife. The arrival of more boyfriends creates a holiday buffet for the killer, who’s decked out in a Santa Claus outfit and mask. Virginal good girl Jennifer Runyon begins to suspect foul play when her partying cohorts begin disappearing and reappearing without their heads. The Bible-thumping groundskeeper warns of impending doom in a darkly humorous scene that’s juxtaposed with the killer burying a victim’s decapitated body. The screenplay does the story a disservice by injecting a police investigation into the plot and slowing down momentum. Luckily, the cops are quickly dispatched before the school’s No. 1 nymphet discovers her friend’s head in the shower. The film’s use of good makeup FX and a clever twist should help viewers to ignore the stiff acting and ridiculous plot conveniences, making this a decent addition to the yuletide slasher collection. (Streaming on MGM+.)

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Fatal Exam, Funeral Home, It Follows

Fatal Exam – 1990, US, 114m. Director: Jack Synder.

Funeral Home – 1980, Canada, 92m. Director: William Fruet.

It Follows – 2015, US, 100m. Director: David Robert Mitchell.

FATAL EXAM (1990) College students volunteer for a parapsychology study at a supposedly haunted house where, years earlier, a man named Malcolm Nostrand killed his family before disappearing. The gang sets up recording equipment and other surveillance devices, which don’t capture much in the way of ghostly activity until the next morning when a mysterious figure is seen on video. Several of the students also see apparitions around the house, with one of the group (Mike Coleman) witnessing Nostrand wielding a bloody sword on the staircase. Is it just a form of mass hysteria, or has the presumed-dead Nostrand returned from the beyond? The bigger question is why it takes the filmmakers almost two hours to tell such a paper-thin story, made worse by lifeless characters and sluggish pacing. The screenplay spends time setting up the plot by incorporating elements from The Amityville Horror and The Dead Zone but drops the ball (most likely due to a lack of funds) by delivering a dull retread of every other slasher flick of the era. By the 90-minute mark, Fatal Exam ends up being nothing more than a bloated experiment created by overzealous filmmakers. Shot in Missouri, Fatal Exam doesn’t make the grade. C– (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

FUNERAL HOME (1980) (AKA: Cries in the Night) This modest Canadian chiller was marketed as an American-style slasher, but it actually has more in common with Hitchcock’s Psycho. Young Heather (Lesleh Donaldson) spends the summer with her religious grandmother (Kay Hawtrey), helping the woman run a newly established bed-and-breakfast. Prior to the new business, the building was used as a funeral parlor—explaining its inherently creepy demeanor, and granny’s peculiar behavior. Several people go missing in the wake of the place’s opening, including Heather’s grandfather (the town mortician), and a land developer who showed interest in purchasing grandma’s property. When she’s not scolding a tourist and his mistress for living in sin under her roof, granny spends her time pacing in the cellar and holding entire conversations with herself. It won’t surprise the sophisticated viewer to learn grandma is off her rocker and willing to go to any lengths to protect the family’s Big Secret. Funeral Home is often contrived and predictable, but that doesn’t stop it from being an effective little film featuring good acting and some actual suspense. Worth checking out. B (Currently streaming on Tubi and Shudder.)

IT FOLLOWS (2015) Adolescence has often been used as metaphorical subtext in horror films. Carrie, Fright Night, the Ginger Snap series—these movies deliver good stories of young adults in turmoil, intertwined with an intriguing premise, typically with a fine balance of subtext (budding sexuality, identity, etc.) and horror. The cardinal sin a film like It Follows makes is that it wallows so much in allegory that the horror aspects, much like the story’s characters, never feel fully matured. The plot—a young woman (Maika Monroe) is pursued by a demonic entity after she has sex—is textbook teen horror melodrama: sex equals death. There’s nothing particularly special about that plot device, although the teen characters in It Follows seem more authentic than the airheads usually littering these kinds of movies. Yet, unlike Fright Night‘s Charley, or Carrie White, the viewer is never rooting for Monroe and her cohorts to prevail. In fact, they never come off as truly sympathetic; they just exist to fill space. Perhaps that’s another metaphor? Had the filmmakers focused more on horror and less on existentialism, It Follows could have been a new classic in the genre. As it is, the film is too cold to muster much excitement over. C (Currently streaming on Freevee, Prime, and Paramount+.)

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Dead-End Drive-In, Fright, The Kiss, Trog

Dead-End Drive-In – 1986, Australia, 92m. Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith.

Fright – 1971, UK, 86m. Director: Peter Collinson.

The Kiss – 1988, Canada, 101m. Director: Pen Densham.

Trog – 1970, UK, 93m. Director: Freddie Francis.

DEAD-END DRIVE-IN (1986) Worldwide economic collapse and man-made chemical disasters have turned civilization into one big car crash derby. The rise in crime and teenage delinquency in an Australian town has led to the creation of secret detention centers for youthful criminals and the unemployed. Unfortunately, dimwitted Jimmy (Ned Manning) and his girlfriend, Carmen (Natalie McCurry), find themselves trapped in a center after being lured into one that’s disguised as a drive-in showing Turkey Shoot (1982). Jimmy plots to escape the electrified walls and return to some semblance of freedom while Carmen acclimates to the place’s shanty town/punk lifestyle and turns into even more of a dolt—and a racist to boot. Dead-End Drive-In has the look of a flashy music video, complete with spiked hair, dog collars, and revved up car chases. But just like a music video the film is empty and utterly forgettable the minute it’s over. Obtuse characters and a lack of any genuine excitement result in a callous Mad Max rip-off aimed at the under 18 market with nothing to offer other than its unique drive-in setting. D+ (Currently streaming on Hoopla.)

FRIGHT (1971) A college student (Susan George) is tormented by an escaped madman while babysitting at a remote house. A precursor to films like When a Stranger Calls, Halloween, and many other babysitters-in-terror titles, this British production doesn’t have any true surprises for the sophisticated viewer—it’s extremely tame by today’s standards—but it’s well-acted and manages to raise a few goosebumps during its first act. Unfortunately, the third act’s hostage standoff scenario kills any momentum the film built and sinks the premise into the doldrums of yet another police procedural. George makes a likable protagonist but it’s Honor Blackman as the level-headed ex-wife of psychopath Ian Bannon who steals the show. C (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

THE KISS (1988) After her mother is killed in a spectacular car crash, young Amy (Meredith Salenger) is thrust into a new life with her estranged aunt, Felice (Joanna Pacula). Unfortunately for Amy, beautiful Felice is host to a black magic-conjured parasitic creature that transports between humans via the title affection—and anyone who gets in the way of her plot to take over the family homestead is met with disaster. Amy’s suspicions are dismissed by her horny father (Nicholas Kilbertus), who’s too busy screwing Felice to notice his daughter’s distress. Felice also has a familiar in the form of a demonic cat-like critter that puts the kibosh to many of Amy’s friends. The Kiss doesn’t offer anything new in the teenagers-in-peril arena but instead uses elements from better horror titles (namely Cat People and The Omen) to tell its story. What the movie does have are suspense, inventive Chris Walas makeup effects, and good acting, especially from Mimi Kuzyk as Amy’s nurturing neighbor. Only a ludicrous ending undermines a decent little film. B– (Available on YouTube.)

TROG (1970) A team of cave explorers in the British countryside discover a living troglodyte in the form of a prehistoric man/ape creature. “Trog” kills one of the explorers and wounds another, prompting their scientist colleague, Dr. Brockton (Joan Crawford), to capture the beast and bring it back to civilization. This causes a media frenzy in the nearby town in the form of disbelieving journalists and a hot-headed, Bible-quoting big wig named Murdock (Michael Gough) whose plan to build a hotel in the area is thwarted by Trog’s presence. Trog learns to speak (briefly), play with a ball, and makes goo-goo eyes at Brockton’s granddaughter (Kim Braden). Murdock trashes Brockton’s lab and sets Trog free into the world, where the misunderstood manimal goes on a killing spree—which includes hanging a butcher on his own meathook. Campy and ridiculous, but entertaining in spite of itself. B– (Currently streaming on Prime.)

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Alucarda, The Awakening, The Boneyard, Shocker

Alucarda – 1977, Mexico, 78m. Director: Juan López Moctezuma.

The Awakening – 1980, UK, 100m. Director: Mike Newell.

The Boneyard – 1991, US, 98m. Director: James Cummins.

Shocker – 1989, US, 109m. Director: Wes Craven.

ALUCARDA (1977) (AKA: Sisters of Satan) In 1865, young Justine (Susana Kimini) is sent to live in a convent where she meets another orphan, Alucarda (Tina Romero), whose obsession with death leads them to a nearby crypt and the opening of Alucarda’s mother’s coffin. The act bewitches both girls into reciting a Satanic prayer and invoking a demonic power that possesses them. Justine and Alucarda confess their love for each other, perform blood rituals, and participate in gypsy orgies. A priest (David Silva) decides to rid the evil from the two girls by carrying out a torturous exorcism, which backfires and results in a nun being immolated and decapitated. Alucarda features enough nudity, violence, and visual imagery to fill two movies, making its scant 78 minutes feel all the more fresh and exciting. In fact, Alucarda succeeds where so many European exploitation/Exorcist-inspired movies failed simply because the makers were thoughtful enough to write a script. Avoid the heavily censored version currently on YouTube. B (Currently unavailable.)

THE AWAKENING (1980) The pregnant wife of high-strung archeologist Charlton Heston slips into a coma while accompanying her husband on a dig in Egypt. Heston’s work priorities send him back into the field, where he discovers the lost tomb of Egyptian queen Kara, whose sarcophagus is opened at the exact moment his wife gives birth to a baby girl. A series of bizarre deaths in the wake of the tomb’s opening plagues Heston and his daughter (Stephanie Zimbalist) who, come her eighteenth birthday, realizes she’s the reincarnation of the evil Egyptian pharaoh. In the tradition of The Omen, those closest to Heston meet creatively gruesome ends at the hands of the spectral Kara—including Heston’s second wife, who plunges through the ceiling of a greenhouse and is impaled on a shard of glass. But unlike The Omen, The Awakening is too sedate to get excited over. None of the characters are worth caring about, and their interactions often feel melodramatic and silly; a subplot in which everyone equates Heston’s interest in Kara to an obsession grows increasingly tired. The feature film directorial debut of Mike Newell, before he went on to make real horror movies like Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. C (Currently unavailable.)

THE BONEYARD (1991) Homicide detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) enlists the help of distraught psychic Alley Oats (Deborah Rose) to help solve a case involving the remains of three unidentified kids who were abducted and force fed dead flesh by a mortician before he killed himself. Unfortunately for our protagonists, the young victims are reanimated as ghoulish zombies and turn the local corner’s office (dubbed “the boneyard”) into a buffet of glistening innards as they feast on the staff during the quiet graveyard shift. The makers of this film have obviously seen Return of the Living Dead and Dead Heat. It turns out the mortician was descended from a family cursed by an ancient Chinese warlock—and the victims aren’t children but some sort of mummified demonic creatures. I think. The plot is convoluted and makes little sense, but that doesn’t matter because this movie is all about style, and luckily The Boneyard is swimming in it. Director/writer James Cummins never allows the gory action to overwhelm the story, but instead places the well-written characters at center stage and creates a few suspenseful set pieces. A highlight is Phyllis Diller’s pampered poodle being turned into an unstoppable ten-foot tall monster. Slight but inventive fun. B– (Currently streaming on Prime.)

SHOCKER (1989) A small town is torn apart by a series of vicious murders committed by a ranting television repairman named Horace Pinker (Mitch Pileggi). Pinker’s identity is exposed by teen Jonathan Parker (Peter Berg) after the high schooler has a dream in which Pinker slaughters his family—an act that materializes in reality and ultimately sends Pinker to the electric chair. But the unstoppable Horace comes from the Freddy Krueger generation and soon returns from the grave via black magic, subsequently body-jumping into Parker’s friends in order to enact bloody revenge. With a lack of substantial clues, and a string of bodies connected to his son, Parker’s dumbbell cop father (Michael Murphy) places the teen under arrest, and sets the third act in the tried-and-true Hitchcockian mold of the innocent-man-on-the-run. There’s some interesting ideas floating around here, but Shocker is too disjointed and silly to be truly effective, made worse by an unconvincing performance by Pileggi as Horace. He’s a good actor (proven on nine season of The X-Files), but here comes off as a cut-and-paste Krueger wannabe; a precursor, perhaps, to De Niro’s Kruegeresque performance in Cape Fear (1991). Director Wes Craven infuses the story with several inventive set pieces, although one can’t help but compare Shocker with the majority of the Elm Street sequels and admit with full confidence that Freddy did it better. Sorry, Wes. C– (Currently unavailable.)

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Cannibal Man, Wait Until Dark, The Worm Eaters

Cannibal Man – 1972, Spain, 97m. Director: Eloy de la Iglesia.

The Dead Are Alive – 1972, Italy/West Germany/Yugoslavia, 105m. Director: Armando Crispino.

Wait Until Dark – 1967, US, 107m. Director: Terence Young.

The Worm Eaters – 1977, US, 89m. Director: Herb Robins.

CANNIBAL MAN (1972) Abattoir worker Marcos (Vincente Parra) kills a man in self-defense and subsequently begins a series of murders to cover-up the crime. The first to go is his hot-to-trot fiancée, who demands he go to the police but is strangled and stuffed under the bed. Marcos’ future sister-in-law comes sniffing around and, upon discovery of the carnage, has her throat bled out like one of his workplace cattle. Marcos uses his expertise as a butcher to dispose of the evidence by chopping up the corpses and tossing the remains into an industrial meat grinder. The stress consumes and turns him into a social pariah, exacerbated by a budding relationship with a male neighbor (Eusebio Poncela) that draws out Marcos’ latent homosexuality. Ignore the meaningless title—which is either metaphorical or the original Spanish title was lost in translation—this is a thoughtful and suspenseful film worth checking out. B (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

THE DEAD ARE ALIVE (1972) A smug American professor (Alex Cord) on an archeological excursion in Italy gets wrapped up in a murder mystery when two people are found bludgeoned to death at his dig site. The police are called into action and The Dead Are Alive turns into yet another good-looking but painfully slow Italian/European psycho-thriller, or giallo as the subgenre is more popularly known. Another victim, a female, is found wearing red fuck-me pumps designed specifically for a local ballet. The gay ballet costume designer who minces around in a skin-tight tank top becomes the prime suspect, but one can’t help but feel this is because the film was written by men who were still living in 1950. The revelation that Cord was once committed to a mental hospital does little to persuade the viewer he’s responsible for the murders. But frankly, by that point, I didn’t care in the slightest. This is a movie with zero character interest and the mystery feels about as involving as a party where you’re the only guest. If you really want to know who the killer is you’ll have to slog through one hour and forty-five minutes to find out. Good luck. D (Currently available on YouTube.)

WAIT UNTIL DARK (1967) Audrey Hepburn gives a terrific performances in this smart psychological slow-burn. Hepburn plays Susy, a recently blinded New Yorker terrorized by a trio of thugs in her Greenwich Village apartment. The robbers present themselves as cops investigating a recent murder—but unbeknownst to Susy, the men, lead by the creepy Roat (Alan Arkin), are desperately searching her apartment for a heroin-stuffed doll. Director Terence Young (Goldfinger) steadily tightens the screws, building to a white-knuckle climax worthy of the best of Hitchcock. Hepburn is strong-willed and sympathetic; Arkin is quietly intimidating, especially when he flashes his knife. Frederick Knott, who wrote the screenplay, also penned the stage production as well as the Hitchcock adaptation of Dial M for Murder. B+ (Currently unavailable.)

THE WORM EATERS (1977) In a desperate attempt to revitalize a small town, a greedy mayor tries to pull the wool over the eyes of a worm farmer (Herb Robins) who holds the deed to a piece of dried up swampland where the mayor wishes to start construction. The town, which seems to be inhabited by idiots, doesn’t know Robins is a demented old fart who’s plotting revenge against everyone by making a special kind of worm that, when ingested, turns people into half-worm, half-humanoid creatures—or wormaid? The film never explains how this happens, but it’s probably for the best. And this is supposed to be a comedy! The culmination of this stupendously moronic movie is a dream sequence in which seventies Playgirl centerfold Barry Hostetler, as the King of the Worm People, pleas with Robins for human/worm coexistence. The best part of The Worm Eaters is the opening credits played to the tune of “You’ll End Up Eating Worms,” a song adaptation of a children’s nursery rhyme. After those three minutes, it’s all downhill. A real turd. F (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

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Blood Legacy, A Candle for the Devil, The Cat and the Canary

Blood Legacy – 1971, US, 82m. Director: Carl Monson.

A Candle for the Devil – 1973, Spain, 87m. Director: Eugenio Martin.

Cannibal Girls – 1973, Canada, 85m. Director: Ivan Reitman.

The Cat and the Canary – 1978, UK/US, 91m. Director: Radley Metzger.

BLOOD LEGACY (1971) (AKA: Legacy of Blood; Will to Die) The spoiled offspring of a dead millionaire (John Carradine) must spend a week living in the family mansion in order to collect their inheritance. The majority of the children, along with their spouses, don’t make it far before someone with a grudge starts sending them to join daddy—a severed head is found on the kitchen table the first night. In between the murders are dull scenes of sibling rivalry and banter from the ominous house servants, including a wild-eyed, self-flagellating butler named Igor (Buck Kartalian). In a completely shocking twist (cough…. choke…) the killer is unmasked as the very much alive Carradine who went cuckoo from his wife’s infidelity years ago. The only redeeming moment that viewers can take away from this morose experience is when the housekeeper, after discovering the secret, winks at the camera and mutters, “And you thought it was the butler all along!” Touché. A deservedly forgotten film, also known as Legacy of Blood—not to be confused with Andy Milligan’s Legacy of Blood from 1978, which features the exact same plot! D (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

A CANDLE FOR THE DEVIL (1973) (AKA: It Happened at Nightmare Inn; Nightmare Hotel) Two uptight Catholic sisters operating a hotel in a Spanish village discover their buxom guest sunbathing topless and, in a fit of rage, accidentally kill the woman. Believing it’s a sign from God, the eldest sister (Aurora Bautista) quickly covers up the crime by chopping up the body and incinerating the remains in their brick fire oven. In what is either a homage or rip-off of Psycho, the dead woman’s sister (Judy Geeson) arrives in town and grows suspicious of the two owners. Yet another nubile guest triggers Bautista, who sends sis (Esperanza Roy) to the knife-sharpener for another round of God’s holy work. Later, the libidinous Roy has sex with a local man, and on her walk-of-shame home bares her thighs while trudging through thorn bushes. Geeson uses a local friend to pose as her husband and the two check in to the hotel to investigate, causing a rift in the murderous sisters’ holier-than-thou bloodshed. Tasteless and exploitative, but also very enjoyable. Avoid the heavily censored version dubbed It Happened at Nightmare Inn, which eliminates most the movie’s nudity and violence. B (Currently streaming on Tubi as It Happened at Nightmare Inn.)

CANNIBAL GIRLS (1973) A couple (Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin) on a weekend drive through some Ontario backcountry stumble upon the small town of Farmhamville. At first the place seems like a quaint hamlet, prime for food and shelter, until Martin slowly realizes the town is overlorded by a demented man known as the Reverend (Ronald Ulrich) and his three equally demented female followers. Over the years, the Reverend has turned Farmhamville into a thriving meatpacking district—the secret ingredient being human beef which is served to the community in ample amounts. A salty, weird, enjoyable bit of early seventies comedy-horror from future Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman. B– (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

THE CAT AND THE CANARY (1978) In 1934, the surviving clan of the late Cyrus West gather at the deceased’s estate for the reading of his will. The cousins are the usual assortment of self-involved yuppies, all of whom could be chosen as the sole heir of the West fortune. That is until young Annabelle (Carol Lynley) is selected as the inheritor, with the caveat that Annabelle must stay the night in the West mansion with her relatives and deemed sane the next morning. To top off the night, a madman who believes he’s a cat has escaped from an asylum and is stalking the area, and may already be inside the house. Despite this being the umpteenth filming of John Willard’s play—the most famous being the 1927 silent classic of the same name—the movie feels fresh thanks to good direction by porn auteur Radley Metzger, and a first-rate cast—Bond Girl Honor Blackman is a hoot as the sly Susan Sillsby, a conniving huntress having an incestuous relationship with her cousin (Olivia Hussey). Worth checking out for Willard enthusiasts. B (Currently streaming on Tubi.)