
HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002) In one of the many WTF moments in the Halloween franchise, Resurrection boasts perhaps the most insanely ridiculous explanation for Michael Myers’ return. After mistaking a paramedic as Michael and cutting off the poor guy’s head at the end of H20, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) has been locked inside an asylum for three years. As per usual, Laurie’s “Mikey Senses” tingle, and before you can say “retcon,” she succumbs to Michael’s knife in a very disheartening demise for the most famous Final Girl in slasher movie history. With Laurie’s death, a monolithic question arises: What does Michael Myers do now that he’s finally killed his other sister? The answer Resurrection brings forth is to murder more nubile young people with his ginormous butcher’s knife, of course, all of whom are conveniently filming a live webcam event at his childhood house on Lampkin Lane. Oh, boy! Halloween: Resurrection is just plain dumb. The story is soulless and makes no sense, the characters are fifth-generation photocopies of Halloweens past, and Michael is about as scary as a walking salami. Yet, Resurrection is often so bad it’s entertaining in a completely cheap and gimmicky way, like a trashy shot-on-video flick from the ’80s. Also, where else are you ever going to see Busta Rhymes do kung-fu on Michael Myers? It ain’t as bad as Halloween Ends. C

HALLOWEEN (2007) I was not a fan of Rob Zombie’s reimagining of John Carpenter’s masterpiece when it originally came out. I was so in my fanboy, “you-can’t-touch-this” mindset that I essentially shut down and poo-pooed the entire movie simply because it wasn’t the perfect scare show the ’78 vehicle was. After recently watching the abhorrent Halloween Ends, I decided to give Zombie’s film another try – well, actually, this was probably the fourth or fifth time – and my perspective of the 2007 version has changed completely. I now understand what Zombie was doing by focusing on 10-year-old Michael (Daeg Faerch) as a sort of Jeffrey Dahmer-esque animal-killer, and his white trash family. Zombie was making his story all about Michael and less about Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton). Once grown Michael (Taylor Mane) escapes from the institution, the film basically follows the same structural footsteps as Carpenter’s, with Mikey seeking his sister, Laurie, and killing anyone who gets in his way, including Laurie’s parents (Dee Wallace and Pat Skipper) in one of the movie’s more intense sequences. A visceral fast pace and quick cuts gives the experience a fresh take on the overplayed story, successfully creating a Halloween that both feels different but respects the subject matter; a true testament to Zombie’s love for the genre. The movie runs out of steam towards the end (especially in the two-hour director’s cut) and Laurie and her friends feel like hollow replicas of the original, but this is solid stuff worthy of a rewatch. And, it’s better than Halloween Ends. B–

HALLOWEEN II (2009) A lot has been said about Rob Zombie’s Halloween II. I don’t agree with most of it, but I can argue that it’s probably the most violent in the entire Halloween series. Is it good? No. Is it entertaining? Not really. There’s a big shift in tone from the 2007 movie. The Michael in Halloween II is almost animalistic, presenting more of a lumbering, Leatherface-esque personality who, in the first 10 minutes, saws off the head of a paramedic with a shard of broken glass in grisly detail. Two years after the events of Zombie’s Halloween, Michael has survived and is roaming the land (unmasked) doing a self-exploration/meditation thing and having angelic visions of his dead mom (Sheri Moon Zombie). Over in Haddonfield, Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) is suffering from severe PTSD and has turned into an annoying punk rock vegan who screams at her psychiatrist (Margot Kidder) when she’s not having epileptic fits and nightmares about murdering best friend, Annie (Danielle Harris). Dr. Loomis (Malcom McDowell) is riding high off the success of his tell-all book about Michael, revealing to the world Michael’s blood relationship with Laurie. An hour later, Michael finally makes it back to his hometown and the bodies start to pile. Much like Laurie, Halloween II is all over the place and can’t seem to find its footing. Zombie is trying for a more thoughtful take on the perspective of what makes a serial killer, as well as the repercussions of post-traumatic stress and its long-term psychological impact on friends and family. At the same time, the exploitative nature of certain scenes – Annie’s death has her totally naked and on the bathroom floor covered in blood – are so explicitly violent that it almost feels like there are two movies happening. It all builds to a hilariously awful climax that’s so OTT and exhausted by its “enlightened” ideas that when Laurie (in the lengthy director’s cut) is shot down by cops you’ll be applauding. But, it’s better than Halloween Ends. C–