Dead-End Drive-In – 1986, Australia, 92m. Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith.
Fright – 1971, UK, 86m. Director: Peter Collinson.
The Kiss – 1988, Canada, 101m. Director: Pen Densham.
Trog – 1970, UK, 93m. Director: Freddie Francis.
DEAD-END DRIVE-IN(1986) Worldwide economic collapse and man-made chemical disasters have turned civilization into one big car crash derby. The rise in crime and teenage delinquency in an Australian town has led to the creation of secret detention centers for youthful criminals and the unemployed. Unfortunately, dimwitted Jimmy (Ned Manning) and his girlfriend, Carmen (Natalie McCurry), find themselves trapped in a center after being lured into one that’s disguised as a drive-in showing Turkey Shoot (1982). Jimmy plots to escape the electrified walls and return to some semblance of freedom while Carmen acclimates to the place’s shanty town/punk lifestyle and turns into even more of a dolt—and a racist to boot. Dead-End Drive-In has the look of a flashy music video, complete with spiked hair, dog collars, and revved up car chases. But just like a music video the film is empty and utterly forgettable the minute it’s over. Obtuse characters and a lack of any genuine excitement result in a callous Mad Max rip-off aimed at the under 18 market with nothing to offer other than its unique drive-in setting. D+ (Currently streaming on Hoopla.)
FRIGHT(1971) A college student (Susan George) is tormented by an escaped madman while babysitting at a remote house. A precursor to films like When a Stranger Calls, Halloween, and many other babysitters-in-terror titles, this British production doesn’t have any true surprises for the sophisticated viewer—it’s extremely tame by today’s standards—but it’s well-acted and manages to raise a few goosebumps during its first act. Unfortunately, the third act’s hostage standoff scenario kills any momentum the film built and sinks the premise into the doldrums of yet another police procedural. George makes a likable protagonist but it’s Honor Blackman as the level-headed ex-wife of psychopath Ian Bannon who steals the show. C(Currently streaming on Tubi.)
THE KISS(1988) After her mother is killed in a spectacular car crash, young Amy (Meredith Salenger) is thrust into a new life with her estranged aunt, Felice (Joanna Pacula). Unfortunately for Amy, beautiful Felice is host to a black magic-conjured parasitic creature that transports between humans via the title affection—and anyone who gets in the way of her plot to take over the family homestead is met with disaster. Amy’s suspicions are dismissed by her horny father (Nicholas Kilbertus), who’s too busy screwing Felice to notice his daughter’s distress. Felice also has a familiar in the form of a demonic cat-like critter that puts the kibosh to many of Amy’s friends. The Kiss doesn’t offer anything new in the teenagers-in-peril arena but instead uses elements from better horror titles (namely Cat People and The Omen) to tell its story. What the movie does have are suspense, inventive Chris Walas makeup effects, and good acting, especially from Mimi Kuzyk as Amy’s nurturing neighbor. Only a ludicrous ending undermines a decent little film. B– (Available on YouTube.)
TROG(1970) A team of cave explorers in the British countryside discover a living troglodyte in the form of a prehistoric man/ape creature. “Trog” kills one of the explorers and wounds another, prompting their scientist colleague, Dr. Brockton (Joan Crawford), to capture the beast and bring it back to civilization. This causes a media frenzy in the nearby town in the form of disbelieving journalists and a hot-headed, Bible-quoting big wig named Murdock (Michael Gough) whose plan to build a hotel in the area is thwarted by Trog’s presence. Trog learns to speak (briefly), play with a ball, and makes goo-goo eyes at Brockton’s granddaughter (Kim Braden). Murdock trashes Brockton’s lab and sets Trog free into the world, where the misunderstood manimal goes on a killing spree—which includes hanging a butcher on his own meathook. Campy and ridiculous, but entertaining in spite of itself. B– (Currently streaming on Prime.)
976-EVIL – 1988, US, 92m. Director: Robert Englund.
Neon Maniacs – 1986, US, 90m. Director: Joseph Mangine.
Rabid – 1977, Canada, 91m. Director: David Cronenberg.
The Supernaturals – 1986, US, 90m. Director: Armand Mastroianni.
976-EVIL(1988) Robert (Freddy Krueger) Englund made his directorial debut with this visually arresting but generic film about Satanic possession in the 20th century world of 1-900 phone lines. Patrick O’Bryan is a gambling-addicted high schooler who lives with his nerdy cousin (Stephen Geoffreys) and overbearing religious fanatic aunt (Sandy Dennis). O’Bryan ultimately stumbles upon a “horrorscope” hotline that promises to fulfill his every desire—but at a price. He dials in and immediately begins winning big at the poker table, while Geoffreys does a little phoning himself and scores with the local babe. Geoffrey’s lucky streak runs out and he’s beaten up by a gang of badly dressed punks, which triggers him into redialing the direct line to Satan and becoming the embodiment of pure evil. There’s an interesting idea in here, but unfortunately it gets lost in sea of monotonous characters and a half-baked plot that disintegrates into a rip-off of the more entertaining Evilspeak (1981). Englund’s direction is assured but empty, while Geoffreys—so colorful as “Evil” Ed in Fright Night—is wasted in an underwritten role. The movie’s imagination flourishes in the last twenty minutes, offering an appropriately fiery climax, and securing 976-EVIL II‘s production a few years later. C+ (Currently streaming on Tubi.)
NEON MANIACS(1986) The oldest looking teens this side of 90210 are stalked and slaughtered by a gang of mutated killers in Golden Gate Park. The sole survivor (Leilani Sarelle) informs the police but, naturally, they don’t believe her. Sarelle’s monster-loving classmate (Donna Locke) investigates and finds out the Maniacs have a lair under the Golden Gate Bridge; a strange hideaway considering water is the only source of destroying the mutants—a splash turns one of the madmen into a puddle of blood and slime. But common sense is not something the Neon Maniacs script is rife with, and frankly, neither is character development, story structure, or much of anything in the vein of good filmmaking. The plot is littered with unbelievable coincidences, and nobody but our main protagonists seems to notice these towering monsters, despite the fact our heroes live in San Francisco. What Neon Maniacs does offer is impressive makeup FX by Allan A. Apone and Douglas J. White. It’s just a shame they aren’t featured in a better movie. C(Currently streaming on Tubi.)
RABID(1977) An experimental skin graft turns a young woman (Marilyn Chambers) into some sort of vampiric predator. The twist is that she sucks the blood of her victims from a parasitic stinger that emerges from her armpit. Instead of killing her subjects, her bite (or sting) turns them into pale-faced ghouls with an appetite for human flesh. An interesting mix of elements taken from Night of the Living Dead and a typical vampire film, Rabid plays with the same theme of David Cronenberg’s previous horror feature, Shivers, in which seemingly normal-minded people are turned into ravenous monsters. And just as with Shivers, sexuality is an obvious subtext for the spreading of the virus—Chambers’s stinger protrudes from an orifice-like hole and penetrates her (mostly) male casualties. Chambers is quite good, and the plague/contamination subplot is eerily effective, and reminiscent of recent history. Interestingly enough, an attack sequence taking place inside a mall predates Romero’s Dawn of the Dead by a year. B(Currently streaming on Prime.)
THE SUPERNATURALS(1986) Army personnel on a training exercise in some Virginia woods interrupt the slumber of murdered Confederate soldiers that come back from the dead for revenge. A soldier discovers a hidden underground bunker with the rotting remains of its former Rebel inhabitants. The wife of one of the murdered Rebs returns as a ghost to warn the characters of impending doom, but fails miserably when the army brats start getting picked off by the zombified cavalry. The film plods as slowly as its musty antagonists—nothing much exciting happens within the first forty minutes. Even after the zombies start walking and—gasp!—using artillery against the modern-day soldiers, the movie fails to muster any suspense. The breathing characters are a forgettable mix of macho military caricatures that you feel nothing for when they meet their maker. The Supernaturals is such a lousy production it’s rather difficult to believe Nichelle Nichols, Maxwell Caulfield, Talia Balsam, and LeVar Burton had anything to do with it—but here they are, slumming it (especially Caulfield whose performance is so lifeless you’d think he was auditioning to be one of the walking stiffs). Director Armand Mastroianni made the much better and atmospheric He Knows You’re Alone (1982). D(Currently available on YouTube.)
POLTERGEIST (1982) The Freeling family are living a blissful existence until their California tract home is invaded by malevolent spirits, turning their American dream into a nightmare. In a clever twist, the ghosts use the family’s television sets to enter the world of the living, snatching their youngest child, Carol Anne (Heather O’Rourke), and releasing a hideous barrage of incidents involving monstrous tree demons, spectral hell hounds, and a devilish clown doll. The desperate parents (JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson) enlist the help of a parapsychologist (Beatrice Straight) and her team of paranormal investigators, forming a template for the modern haunted house movie that would be replicated for decades to come. The relatively simple premise is elevated thanks to elegant direction by Tobe Hooper—no doubt under the close supervision of producer Steven Spielberg—and the use of fantastic special effects, many of which still pack a wallop. But Poltergeist‘s real strength lies in its characters, all of whom are sympathetic and grounded in reality, making the horror that’s happening to them all the more suspenseful. An excellent cast gives it their all, but it’s Zelda Rubinstein who steals the show in a memorable turn as psychic Tangina. “This house is clean.” A(Currently not streaming.)
POLTERGEIST II: THE OTHER SIDE(1986) Many fans find this sequel to Tobe Hooper’s Poltergeist disappointing. I don’t. Yes, it lacks the original’s story structure and characterization, but Poltergeist II: The Other Side is extremely well made and has plenty to offer. The year after the events in the first film has displaced the Freeling family—their house was sucked into another dimension—and they’ve taken up residence with Diane’s (JoBeth Williams) psychic mother (Geraldine Fitzgerald). The peace and quiet of life anew is interrupted by the arrival of a malicious entity known as Reverend Kane (Julian Beck), a 19th century doomsday preacher who killed his followers by burying them alive in an underground cavern. As shown in the opening credits, Kane’s skeletal remains still reside in the cave, which is located directly under the Freeling’s old swimming pool. Since Zelda Rubinstein’s participation as Tangina is sparse, the Freelings place their trust in Native American medicine man Taylor (Will Sampson), who teaches Steve Freeling (Craig T. Nelson) how to protect his family from Kane’s onslaught of ghostly activity—the most impressive being a grotesque semi-humanoid creature regurgitated by Steve (initially designed by H.R. Giger). The writers throw logic out the window by having every female member of the Freeling family being clairvoyant (a slick way of delivering plot exposition), and creating a ridiculously contrived climax taking place on the “other side.” Yet Poltergeist II is a lot of fun and manages to overcome most of its problems thanks to good acting, faithful character arcs, and some powerhouse special FX sequences that rival anything in the first movie. B(Currently streaming on Cinemax via Prime.)
POLTERGEIST III(1988) After battling otherworldly creatures twice before, little Carol Anne Freeling (Heather O’Rourke) is once again stricken with a bad case of ghostitis. Now attending a school for gifted children in Chicago while living with relatives, Carol Anne is pulled into another ghostly nightmare by Reverend Kane—who’s inexplicably returned after having been banished to Hell at the end of Poltergeist II. Kane (Nathan Davis) can enter our world through the use of mirrors and reflective surfaces, which conveniently cover the walls of Carol Anne’s new home in a posh high-rise managed by her Aunt Pat (Nancy Allen) and Uncle Bruce (Tom Skerritt). In a repeat of the first film, Carol Anne is snatched by Kane and taken to the spirit dimension—where Pat and Bruce must go in order to save the young girl. Kane also abducts Carol Anne’s cousin (Lara Flynn Boyle), who returns from the other side as a murderous demon that gives Carol Anne’s disbelieving psychiatrist (Richard Fire) a taste of his own medicine. Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) senses danger but has less to do here than she did in the previous movies. Kane continues to step up his game by creating the world’s first Demonic Car Crash Derby in the building’s underground parking garage in a scene that’s both ridiculous and spectacular. Pat keeps referring to Carol Anne as a “little brat” and losing sympathy votes with the viewer, while Joe Renzetti’s themeless keyboard musical score makes one miss Jerry Goldsmith’s memorable orchestral work from the original. But I’m carping. Poltergeist III is actually a fairly entertaining film filled with inventive and complex FX work. One of the smartest moments in any of the three movies happens here when Tangina realizes she’s just as capable as Carol Anne of giving Kane what he seeks. The makeup effects were supervised by Dick Smith. B– (Currently streaming on Cinemax via Prime.)
Cat People – 1982, US, 118m. Director: Paul Schrader.
Nightmare – 1981, Italy/US, 98m. Director: Romano Scavolini.
Tales from the Quadead Zone – 1987, US, 62m. Director: Chester N. Turner.
CAT PEOPLE (1982) Virginal Irena, orphaned as a child, travels to New Orleans to meet her brother Paul. Irena is immediately put off by his strange behavior and the unnatural way in which he touches her. That’s because Irena is played by Nastassja Kinski, one of cinema’s great beauties, and Paul is played by Malcolm McDowell, whose frightening performance in Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange pegged the actor as the go-to psychopath for years. A prostitute is nearly mauled to death by a black leopard, which—after being captured and caged at the local zoo—rips off the arm of an employee. Through this bloodshed, Irena learns the leopard is actually Paul—and she, like her brother, belongs to an ancient race of incestuous people who transform into felines when sexually aroused. This bit of news spells doom for Irena’s budding romance with zoologist Oliver (John Heard), who hopes to bed the woman before movie’s end—and to supply moviegoers with titillating scenes of Kinski in various stages of undress. Cat People is by no means a mindless exploitation vehicle, but a thoughtful reimagining of Jacques Tourneur’s classic 1942 scare show. As with the original, the on-screen violence is played down in favor of suspense, although there are a couple of brutal deaths. The screenplay (by Alan Ormsby) drops the ball by offering a needlessly detailed historical account of the cat people, turning the mystery into a bunch of malarkey. Good, nonetheless. B(Not currently streaming.)
NIGHTMARE(1981) (AKA: Nightmares in a Damaged Brain) Schizophrenic psychopath George Tatum (Baird Stafford) suffers from lurid and violent night terrors but is released from an institution after being declared cured. George subsequently goes to a Times Square peep show and is triggered by the sight of sexualized women because, as a boy, he saw his parents having sadomasochistic sex. George ditches his court-appointed psychiatric meeting, steals a car, and drives to Florida with the intention of murdering his high-strung ex-wife (Sharon Smith) and children. When he isn’t graphically slicing people up, he’s sniveling on the phone to his shrink. In a completely unbelievable scene, the police try to bully George’s nine-year-old son (C.J. Cooke) into admitting his involvement in the brutal death of a woman George himself killed hours earlier. Why the cops or George’s doctors (who’ve been frantically looking for him since his disappearance) don’t connect the dots is just one of many glaring plot holes in the scattershot screenplay. But Nightmare wasn’t made with logic in mind. Director Romano Scavolini focuses mostly on George leering at his soon-to-be victims and the gory aftermaths, which are gruesome and convincing. Tom Savini admitted to having been a consultant on the film but is credited on-screen as Special Effects Director. How’s that for false advertising? Ugly and dumb, but entertaining in a sleazy train wreck way. Perhaps the only slasher movie in existence to reference Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow-Up. B– (Not currently streaming.)
TALES FROM THE QUADEAD ZONE(1987) A woman (Shirley L. Jones) entertains her invisible ghost child by reading two bizarre stories from a book called “Tales from the Quadead Zone.” The first tale centers on an impoverished religious family that solves its hunger issues by eliminating family members with a rifle. In the sophomore segment, a bitter man (Keefe L. Turner) steals his brother’s dead body and humiliates the corpse by dressing it in a clown costume. This is followed by an endless monologue in which Turner expresses his childhood woes of playing second fiddle to his sibling, with predictably gruesome results. The movie circles back to Jones, who’s forced to kill her abusive husband after he pitches a fit over her obsession with their deceased child. At times it’s difficult to tell what’s going on because most of the dialogue is inaudible. That’s not unusual with shot-on-video films, but it’s especially bad in Tales from the Quadead Zone. Other examples of poor production quality are the muddy picture (the movie was shot on a camcorder), sloppy editing, and dollar store special effects. The worst part of this mess is the closing credits, which tells viewers, “Tales from the Quadead Zone will return!” Luckily, audiences were spared this promise. Because of its ultra-rare availability on physical media, the film has become a collector’s item within the VHS circuit. D– (Currently streaming on Tubi.)
Contamination – 1980, Germany/Italy, 95m. Director: Luigi Cozzi.
Death Ship – 1980, Canada/UK, 93m. Director: Alvin Rakoff.
Fatal Games – 1984, US, 88m. Director: Michael Elliot.
CONTAMINATION(1980) (AKA: Alien Contamination) A cargo ship filled with egg-like spores drifts into New York harbor with its crew dead. A government-sanctioned science team is brought in to study the bacterial eggs, which react to heat by releasing an acidic fluid that—when in contact with people—makes them explode (scenes of flying intestines and viscera are all shown in gloriously gratuitous slow motion). While viewing a video of what looks like the inside of a lava lamp, the scientists come to the conclusion the eggs are not from this planet and might have something to do with a failed Mars expedition two years earlier. With the help of astronaut Ian McCulloch (Zombie), the scientists discover a conspiracy of brainwashed humans being used by an alien intelligence to move the eggs around the world. This Italian trash epic is such a blatant rip-off of Alien that trying to take it seriously will result in a poor experience for the viewer. The film is more of a showcase for some spectacularly awful writing and acting—Louise Marleau’s unconvincing performance as a scientist makes a piece of wood seem lively by comparison. With that in mind, Contamination becomes a harmless bit of cheesy entertainment that won’t disappoint fans who like their gore served with high levels of camp. B– (Currently streaming on Pluto TV and Tubi.)
DEATH SHIP(1980) A cruise liner is sunk by a rogue ship, leaving a small group of survivors adrift in the Atlantic. Their only chance for help is the appearance of a derelict, unmanned German war vessel—the same ship that caused their plight to begin with. Unfortunately for them the boat is haunted by the angry ghosts of its former Nazi occupants, which don’t waste any time in terrorizing the new passengers. One of the survivors is caught in rope and dunked into the freezing water within minutes of boarding; another develops pustules on her face after eating candy she finds in a cabin. The situation is made worse when an American sea captain (an anemic George Kennedy) becomes possessed by a Nazi specter and turns into a psychopath. This sounds like the product of someone who saw The Poseidon Adventure and The Amityville Horror on a double-bill, yet Death Ship isn’t nearly as exciting. The film has a brooding atmosphere and excellent set design, but weak characters and utter predictability sink it into the bowels of mediocrity. Nick Mancuso’s demise in a slimy pit of bones and rotting corpses is a highlight. C(Currently streaming on Prime and Tubi.)
FATAL GAMES(1984) The young athletes of Falcon Academy are being systematically slaughtered by a javelin-throwing psycho. The first to feel the killer’s wrath is impaled so hard her body is thrown and pinned against the gym wall. More people are run through with the extra-sharp spear, leaving the remaining survivors trying to figure out who has the motivation to bump off their friends. The obvious suspect is the hotheaded javelin trainee (Nicholas Love) who spends most of the film scowling, but like the majority of early-to-mid-eighties slashers, Fatal Games has a twist up its sleeve—one that Final Girl (and Elisabeth Shue lookalike) Lynn Banashek figures out all too late. Similar in theme to Graduation Day (1981) but not nearly as gratuitously violent, although there is ample nudity—nearly every central character is at some point without clothes. Olympics fetishists will rejoice! A tacky but harmless post-Friday the 13th slasher melodrama that tries more for suspense than outright gore, and mostly succeeds, especially during its fast-paced climax. Look for Linnea Quigley’s derrière in a brief scene. B– (Currently streaming on Shudder.)
Fatal Pulse – 1988, US, 87m. Director: Anthony J. Christopher. Streaming: YouTube
Hell High – 1987, US, 84m. Director: Douglas Grossman. Streaming: Arrow
The Initiation – 1984, US, 97m. Director: Larry Stewart, Peter Crane. Streaming: Arrow, Tubi
Return to Horror High – 1987, US, 95m. Director: Bill Froehlich. Streaming: Tubi
FATAL PULSE (1988) When a sorority babe from AOK House (no, seriously) is strangled with her own lingerie by a psycho in black gloves, all the students finger the victim’s dimwitted boyfriend, Jeff (Ken Roberts). Jeff is too busy trying to rekindle a relationship with his ex to notice police swarming the sorority house and is told by his friend (Steven Henry) of the murder. Fellow AOK housemate, Cassie (Cindra Skotzko), mourns for her fallen sister while her friends ignore the murder and go on with their jazzercising and partying. But it’s too late, as a second sorority student has her throat slashed. Jeff tries to be the hero and sets up a trap for Ernie (Joe Estevez, Martin Sheen’s bro), the house handyman and obvious red herring. The plan fails and Jeff once again becomes the prime suspect. Why nobody seems suspicious about moody Prof. Cauldwell (Alex Courtney), who practically has “mad slasher” stamped on his forehead, is a testament to the writer’s lack of understanding the basic principles of suspenseful storytelling. Two more sorority sisters are butchered before the predictable ending reveals the killer’s identity and the incurable disease that triggered the massacre. The title is ironic as Fatal Pulse is about as lifeless as a slasher movie can get—the viewer can’t even rely on the subgenre’s tried-and-true splatter for a little excitement. The only thing audiences can expect from Fatal Pulse is a quick way to fall asleep. D–
HELL HIGH (1987) (AKA: Real Trouble) A high-strung little girl playing with dolls in some backwoods swamp spies on a couple of teens inside a makeshift passion pit. When the woman rejects the man’s advances he breaks one of the little girl’s dolls in frustration. In retaliation, the kid tosses a bucket of mud at the man while he’s driving away and crashes his motorcycle, impaling him and his girlfriend on a bed of spikes. Eighteen years later, that girl is now high-strung high school teacher, Miss Storm (Maureen Mooney), who after berating one of her students in front of the class becomes a target for a group of troublemakers. The teens pull a Carrie-like prank on Miss Storm, but instead of pig’s blood they douse her in mud—the sight of which sends Miss Storm into a frenzy until she completely snaps and enacts bloody revenge. It might feature typical slasher movie tropes, but Hell High feels more like a demented version of a John Hughes film—I Spit on Your Breakfast Club? The characters are more fleshed out than you’d find in a splatter flick, and the actors are good and feel like actual high schoolers. The film gets points for going to dark places most teen body count movies don’t—especially in the eighties—and builds to a bleak but genuine ending. One of Joe Bob Brigg’s favorites; worthy of discovery. B
THE INITIATION(1984) Sorority pledge Kelly Fairchild (Daphne Zuniga) suffers from a recurring nightmare in which—after she sees her parents having sex as a child—she stabs her father before he’s attacked by a strange man. Do I sense a little Freudism here? Kelly also agonizes from a form of amnesia, which coincidentally began around the age Kelly is in her nightmare. Her overprotective mother (Vera Miles) tells Kelly her illness is the result of a fall from a tree when she was nine. But it doesn’t take Freud to sense a disturbing family secret lingering in the screenplay. Does it have anything to do with the escaped killer from the local sanitarium who’s targeted Kelly and her pledge sisters? The Initiation is a well-produced slasher that’s saddled with a needless amount of melodrama—it doesn’t come to a surprise to learn the film was written by Charlies Pratt, Jr, who at the time was a staff writer on General Hospital. The movie’s “soap opera” tactics often overshadow the production, giving the film a ludicrously overblown feel that doesn’t gel with the rest of the story. But once The Initiation settles into its basic stalk-n-slash plot it delivers plenty of sanguinary action, including the decapitation of genre favorite, Clu Gulager. B–
RETURN TO HORROR HIGH(1987) The flaky production crew of a cheap horror movie (life imitating art?) making a film about the “real-life” exploits of the Crippen High slasher run into more than just financial woes when the escaped killer returns to the scene of the crime. Setting up shop in the abandoned school’s gymnasium, the crew is bossed around by their sleazoid producer (Alex Rocco) while the actors make life hell for their young director (Scott Jacoby), including the movie’s lead who quits after landing a role on a television series—this is ironic since the actor is played by George Clooney. Bodies start dropping (or, in some cases, bouncing) as the masked maniac whittles down the cast and crew. This is intermixed with flashbacks of the original murders, which are woven into the film-within-the-film’s “making-of” structure. Return to Horror High is first and foremost a parody of eighties slasher flicks, which ends up being its downfall since the movie is never very funny. Ultimately, it’s really just a mediocre slasher that never lives up to its own inspirations. The Brady Bunch‘s Maureen McCormick gets a few laughs as a police officer turned on by blood. C
The Dorm That Dripped Blood – 1982, US, 88m. Director: Stephen Carpenter, Jeffrey Obrow. Streaming: N/A
The House on Sorority Row – 1982, US, 91m. Director: Mark Rosman. Streaming: AMC/Prime, Shudder, Tubi
Sorority House Massacre – 1986, US, 74m. Director: Carol Frank. Streaming: Tubi
Splatter University – 1984, US, 78m. Director: Richard W. Haines. Streaming: N/A
THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD(1982) (AKA: Death Dorm, Pranks) Several members of a student co-op stay behind during the Christmas break to ready the building for demolition. A hooded killer sees this as the perfect opportunity to bump off the teens, one by one, in particularly brutal fashion. An unsuspecting passerby gets his brains bashed in with a nail-embedded baseball bat, while another has a hole put into the back of his skull with a power drill. The prime suspect is a mysterious transient who’s been seen roaming the campus, but any savvy viewer will spot the slasher movie “red herring” motif. Friday the 13th was the obvious inspiration for this low-budget splatter flick, as its characters, isolated setting, and Savini-like gore FX are all very reminiscent of that classic, which isn’t a bad thing. The teens are likable enough, the pacing is adequate, and the murders are juicy. In the end, the movie can’t distinguish itself from the rest of the campus-themed slashers of the time, but if you like your feathered-haired student body extra-bloodied, you’ll enjoy The Dorm That Dripped Blood. Originally released in the UK as Pranks, where it was selected as one of the notorious “video nasties”—a sign of quality for many a gorehound. B–
THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1982) A group of sorority pals are denied a graduation party by mean old house mother, Mrs. Slater (Lois Kelso Hunt). That’s because the party is planned for June 19—a date revealed to the viewer, via prologue, as that of Mrs. Slater’s 1961 delivery of a stillborn baby. In retaliation, the sorority women pull a prank which results in Mrs. Slater’s accidental death. They quickly dispose of the body and continue on with their party. The bad news is that someone creeping around the sorority attic was witness to the crime and subsequently commits a series of revenge killings. Could all of this slaughter have something to do with the supposedly dead child from twenty years earlier? A textbook example of an early eighties slasher, highlighted by colorful characters, energetic actors, and a Pino Donaggio-esque score by Charles Band. A slick production that for most of its runtime engages the viewer—until its tried-and-true cat-and-mouse finale, pitting virginal Final Girl Kate McNeil against the slasher, here decked out in a creepy clown costume. A somewhat lackluster conclusion kills some of the buzz, but not much. B
SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE(1986) The death of Beth’s aunt triggers a series of strange dreams and hallucinations—visions that include the figure of a man with a knife. Meanwhile, over at the local mental asylum, a patient named Bobby (John C. Russell) becomes violently agitated, escapes, and, knife in hand, heads to the UCLA sorority house where Beth (Angela O’Neill) and her classmates are staying over spring break. The plot parallels Halloween in more ways than one, but Sorority House Massacre deserves more credit than being labeled just another rip-off. The writers obviously put time and care into the structure of the screenplay and have created a thoughtful story that’s more concerned with intelligent, sympathetic characters than with mindless splatter. That said, the movie does have its share of gory kills, which are skillfully intermixed with moments of actual suspense. Only one of those silly it’s-only-a-dream surprise endings stains an otherwise good little movie. B
SPLATTER UNIVERSITY (1984) A schizophrenic psychopath named Grayham is locked up in the city mental hospital. After knifing his doctor in the crotch and slitting his throat, Grayham steals the doc’s clothes and escapes. Three years later, a young teacher at St. Trinian’s College is fatally stabbed by an unseen assailant. Grad student Julie (Francine Forbes) takes over the position, but it’s not her class subject—Marx’s Aspects of Alienation—that makes the student body gradually dwindle. It’s the killer, who strikes again and again. Julie’s new beau (and fellow teacher) becomes Prime Suspect No. 1—especially after Julie and her friend do a little Scooby-Doo snooping and discover newspaper clippings of the recent slashings in his house. But viewers will most likely be eyeing the obvious culprit: the wheelchair-bound dean (Dick Biel) who’s actually—surprise, surprise!—Grayham. Although released in 1984, Splatter University was obviously filmed years earlier (maybe the week after Friday the 13th opened). The make-up effects are chintzy but convincing—a bathroom stall disemboweling is quite gruesome—and the script lacks the slightest shred of mystery and suspense. If you like your slashers fast, cheap, and bloody, believe me—you can do a lot worse. C+
AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981) John Landis followed up his one-two punch of Animal House and Blues Brothers with this superlative horror-comedy about American backpacker, David (David Naughton), who, while hiking the English moors, is cursed with turning into a werewolf. Funny, touching, and scary, American Werewolf set the standard for the modern werewolf movie, and has yet to be matched. Rick Baker’s Oscar-winning special FX still pack a wallop.
THE BLOB(1988) Before he was handling Hollywood heavyweights Jim Carrey and Schwarzenegger, director Chuck Russell was one of horror’s most visually successful filmmakers, going from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 to this first-rate remake of the 1950’s cult classic about a man-made WMD gone horribly awry. Seamlessly mixing excellent special effects into its story and populated by well-written characters, The Blob is that rare remake that’s ten times better than its source material.
THE BURNING(1981) One of the best of the Friday the 13th rip-offs, The Burning is that rare slasher that presents both a fascinating killer arc and a satisfying protagonist story that converge at the end. An immensely likable cast of campers are terrorized by the creepy Cropsy, the former summer camp caretaker who’s seeking revenge for the prank which, five years earlier, left him a fire-scarred monster. A bleak atmosphere, some good scares, and ultra-gory splatter by Tom Savini make this a shining example of low-budget ’80s horror.
CREEPSHOW(1982) The teaming of George Romero and Stephen King paid off with this spirited tribute to the EC Comics of the ’50s. Spinning five tales of terror, Creepshow perfectly balances its scares with laughs, and each story delivers excellent acting and a sense of love for the subject matter. Hal Holbrook, Leslie Nielsen, E.G. Marshal, and Viveca Lindfors are all first-rate, as are the Savini make-up effects, including the ultimate bug rampage.
DAY OF THE DEAD(1985) Zombie King George Romero’s last great film, and the pinnacle of Tom Savini’s stomach-churning gore FX, Day of the Dead might lack Dawn‘s epic sense of story and character arcs, but this strong entry in the Living Dead series is filled with good acting, intelligent story structure, and some truly suspenseful set pieces. Lori Cardille’s Sarah is perhaps the most underrated heroine of the ’80s.
DRESSED TO KILL(1980) Brain De Palma has often been criticized for imitating Hitchcock, and although Dressed to Kill is essentially Psycho turned inside out, De Palma here proved he’s a genuine filmmaker in his own right. From its opening shower dream sequence, to its mesmerizing tracking shots, to the shocking final twist, Dressed to Kill is a slasher fever dream wrapped in a blanket of visual trickery that only De Palma—and, well, Hitchcock—could get away with. It’s a film that’s always one step ahead of you, and it’s as polished and slick as they come.
THE EVIL DEAD (1981) The original cabin-in-the-woods movie, The Evil Dead single-handedly created a sub-school of demonic possession/zombie flicks that made up half of the horror titles of the 1980s. The simple premise of college students accidentally summoning ancient demons that possess them into disfigured zombies is taken to groundbreaking heights thanks to Sam Raimi’s brilliant handling of the material—especially the whiplash-inducing, guerrilla-style camera work that’s since been copied to death, and the wink-wink black comedy thrown in with the outrageous gore. Bruce Campbell’s Ash is the anti-hero of ’80s splatter.
THE FLY (1986) Cronenberg’s masterful remake of the 1958 Vincent Price film is the kind of “re-imagining” Hollywood can only dream of making these days. Jeff Goldblum gives a star-making turn as the doomed Seth Brundle, whose teleportation science project turns him into the titular monster. Equally devastating is his blossoming relationship with journalist, Veronica (Geena Davis), who’s forced to make the ultimate sacrifice. Thoughtful, shocking, and sad, The Fly works because we ourselves fall in love with the characters, and they’ll stay with you after the movie ends.
FRIDAY THE 13TH(1980) Initially looked at as nothing more than a Halloween clone, Friday the 13th has proven itself its own beast and is still one of the best slashers of all time. Set at the quaint, woodsy Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey, an attempted reopening of the place is interrupted by a shadowy killer who bumps off most of the bubbly twenty-somethings until remaining counselor, Alice (Adrienne King), is the Final Girl standing. The murderer turns out to be the camp’s previous cook, Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer), who’s taking revenge for the tragic drowning of her son, Jason, neglected by horny counselors years earlier. With a likable cast, terrific location, and an enjoyably memorable killer, Friday is, in many ways, the perfect slasher.
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH(1982) It’s ironic that the best sequel in the Halloween franchise doesn’t feature the masked maniac Michael Myers. Instead, this colorful entry spins a supernatural tale of witchcraft and robots in the small hamlet of Santa Rosa, where maniacal Irishman, Cochran (Dan O’Herlihy), uses the powers of his ancestors to create Halloween masks that will kill all of America’s kids. Fast-paced and with a genuine comic book vibe—and a terrific score by Alan Howarth and John Carpenter—Season of the Witch is pure ’80s cheesy gold that works wonderfully.
THE LOST BOYS(1987) The best MTV movie MTV never made, The Lost Boys is possibly the quintessential horror movie—one that completely encapsulates the late 1980s. With a pounding rock soundtrack, flashy and colorful fashions, a first-rate cast (Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Jason Patrick, Jamie Gertz, Kiefer Sutherland, Dianne Wiest), and terrific make-up effects, The Lost Boys took the dusty vampire movie into the roaring ’80s and infused it with exciting, fast-paced filmmaking. Sutherland makes for a seductive and scary vamp, while Wiest, Haim, and Patrick have a wonderfully affecting mother-and-sons subplot.
MANIAC(1980) The polar opposite of the post-Friday the 13th slashers, William Lustig’s brutal Maniac is perhaps the most unforgiving horror film of the decade. It also happens to be suspenseful, ugly, shocking, and packaged in a nearly-claustrophobic atmosphere that gets under your skin. Joe Spinell’s Frank Zito is a composite of the many types of serial killers that were predominant at the time, giving the movie a creepily authentic feel.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET(1984) You can’t write about ’80s horror and not mention Wes Craven’s brilliant take on the slasher. With Freddy Krueger, horror had a new iconic killer, brought to life by Robert Englund’s perfect handling of the material. Unlike Michael Myers or Jason, Freddy has a disturbing, unmasked, fire-scarred face, which Englund uses to his full potential. And with Nancy, Heather Langenkamp’s brainy, strong Final Girl, Nightmare delivers a rousing roller coaster ride of scares, laughs, and some spectacular FX set pieces—including the shocking murder of Nancy’s BFF, Tina (Amanda Wyss). There’s also a touching mother/daughter relationship rarely seen in ’80s horror, which is just another wonderfully written addition to a great film.
POLTERGEIST (1982) The film that brought the big budget special FX horror movie back into fashion, this influential Spielberg production became the blueprint from which all future haunted house flicks copied. The All-American Freeling family think they’ve bought their dream home, not realizing the California tract house in question harbors the vengeful spirits of the dead, whose graves were desecrated by the neighborhood’s development company. Despite its masterful special effects showcase, Poltergeist works because of director Tobe Hooper’s handling of the characters, who are always treated more importantly than the supernatural activity, making the film a first-rate thrill machine. It also reminded us why we’re scared of clowns.
PSYCHO II(1983) Unfairly criticized upon its original release, Psycho II is finally receiving the praise it deserves. Paying respect to Hitchcock, as well as updating the story for a modern slasher audience, the film shows how Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) has been declared sane by the state and released. Good ole Mama’s Boy Norman returns to the Bates Motel to find the place has been turned into a sleazy hangout for drug addicts and prostitutes, managed by a slimeball (Dennis Franz) who keeps referring to Normal as “loony.” It isn’t long until Mother starts beckoning (this time on the phone) Norman to do her dirty work and eliminating the sluts and weirdos who deserve it—including the beautiful Marion Crane-ish Mary (Meg Tilly), who’s shacking up with Norman and who might have a secret of her own. Conceived as a whodunit—is Norman really the killer, or is someone out to drive him crazy again?—Psycho II works wonderfully, mostly thanks to its cast (especially Tilly’s sympathetic Mary) and director Richard Franklin’s suspenseful set-ups and sequences.
THERETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985) Taking all the rules of the Romero school of zombies and turning them on their heads, Return offers a wholly different take on the zombie movie by infusing its story with characters who’ve actually seen Night of the Living Dead—so when the dead crawl from their tombs, the survivors already know you gotta shoot ’em in the head. When an army-secured vat containing the remains of a corpse is accidentally opened by a couple of lunkheads, it releases a toxic green mist into the nearby cemetery, causing the neighborhood to overflow with the walking dead. And these zombies don’t just walk, but run and speak! Oh, and the whole “destroying the brain” thing doesn’t work in this universe. Written and directed by Dan O’Bannon, Return of the Living Dead is a film that’s pulsing with energy from beginning to end. It’s also extremely funny, and scary.
THE SHINING(1980) The perfect example of an artistic filmmaker at his prime, The Shining is Stanley Kubrick’s definitive work as both a master storyteller and a brilliant director. Wisely excising a large portion of Stephen King’s mammoth novel, Kubrick sets up the basics of the book and delivers a chilling story about Jack Torrence (an unforgettable Jack Nicholson), a man struggling in life and with art; his wife, Wendy (Shelley Duvall); and young son, Danny (Danny Lloyd), all of whom become victims of the sinister Overlook Hotel. The cast is excellent—especially Nicholson in a performance that would be mimicked for years to come—and Kubrick’s haunting tracking shots and use of wide open spaces gives the film a genuinely bone-chilling feel. An unsettling psychological slow-burn with a powerhouse climax, The Shining is in many ways the perfect horror movie.
SLEEPAWAY CAMP(1983) An absurd slasher masterwork, Sleepaway Camp is the only rip-off of the 1980s to accidentally becomes a work of genius. In an attempt to mimic the success of Friday the 13th, the movie’s plot—about the gruesome murders of campers and counselors at a summer camp in upstate New York—becomes secondary to the larger-than-life characters and the overwhelming atmosphere of pure, unadulterated ’80s nostalgia. It shouldn’t, yet everything about the movie works, including Felissa Rose as Angela, who, in the film’s infamous twist ending, is revealed to be a teenage boy.
THE STEPFATHER(1987) Before he starred in the popular TV show, Lost, Terry O’Quinn gave a scarily realistic performance of a mentally unhinged serial killer in this nail-biting chiller. Both charming and unsettling, O’Quinn is Jerry Blake, a seemingly mild-mannered businessman whose recent marriage to single mom, Susan, (Shelley Hack), doesn’t sit well with daughter, Stephanie (Jill Schoelen), and for good reason. Jerry has a nasty habit of marrying into families and killing them when they don’t meet his Leave It to Beaver worldview. It builds to an incredibly intense finale between stepdad and stepdaughter. An underrated gem.
THE THING(1982) Much like The Blob remake, John Carpenter’s rebuffing of The Thing From Another World is a shining example of a remake done better. Kurt Russell gives one of his best performances as MacReady, the headstrong helicopter pilot stationed at Outpost 31 in the Antarctic. The U.S. research spot becomes a hotbed of paranoia when an alienoid parasite defrosts from its crashed spaceship and begins replicating and picking off the Outpost staff. Intense and claustrophobic, Carpenter not only builds suspense, but pushes it into your face when you least expect it. Added to the mix are some jaw-dropping Rob Bottin creature FX, which still hold up today.
Honorable Mentions:Friday the 13th Part 2, Fright Night, Hellraiser, The Howling, Humanoids from the Deep, Near Dark, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Re-Animator, Silent Night, Deadly Night
There were a lot of horror comedies in the ’80s and ’90s. For me, none attain the charm, likability, and pure laugh-out-loud moments like 1989’s Girlfriend from Hell. Although it had its premiere at the Houston Film Festival in April, 1989, it wasn’t officially released (on video) until 1990. I first noticed it—sadly—in a sale bin at the local mall’s Saturday Matinee video store, circa 1993. Intrigued by the colorful VHS box art of star Liane Curtis with wild ’80s devil-hair, her oversized hand reaching to grab one of the men scrambling to escape, I immediately scooped it up and have since been a fan.
Cute preppy couple, Diane (Lezlie Deane) and David (James Daughton), decide to fix up their respective friends, Maggie (Curtis) and Carl (Anthony Barrile), on a blind date. The thing is, both Maggie and Carl suffer from extreme self-esteem issues and are unbearably shy. Carl’s shyness is so crippling that it prevents him from getting ready for his date—at which point his father (James Karen) tells him to “give up and go get it from the neighborhood slut,” like he did. Moments later, Carl’s enlightened dad is punched out by his loving, hair roller-wearing mother.
Only slightly more outgoing, Maggie is so nervous about meeting Carl that she’s constantly on the verge of puking. She, Diane, David, and Carl converge at a birthday party for Rocco (Ken Abraham), boyfriend and punching bag to Alice (Hilary Morse). While Alice and Rocco throw food at each other—admittedly, I named a goldfish after Rocco!—the Devil himself arrives and slams right into Maggie, along with devil-bounty hunter, Chaser (Dana Ashbrook). Maggie becomes possessed, sheds her shy, good-girl act, and becomes a busty, big-haired party woman who knocks Chaser out and hides him in the closet.
It isn’t long until Maggie/the Devil becomes the life (and death) of the party by drinking all the booze (“Maggie, when did you start drinking?”), playing loud rock music, and seducing all the men. The comedy gets amped when Freda (Sarah Katie Coughlan) and Teddy (Brad Zutaut) arrive after having been at Bible camp for two weeks. Everyone watches slack-jawed while Maggie breaks out into a diatribe against Jesus and Christianity. “I doubt the Lord would find that amusing,” remarks Teddy. Moments later Maggie possesses a baby to viciously attack its mother.
Maggie eventually (and literally) sucks the souls out of most of the men at the party before Chaser awakens and informs Diane that, decades earlier—when he died—he was awarded the role of Devil-chaser by God to atone for his sins. With his handy transporter device, Chaser teams up with Diane to capture Maggie and send the Devil back to Hell. Unfortunately, Diane breaks the transporter, sending the two through time while Maggie continues to collect souls—including Teddy’s, who’s turned into a zombified sex-fiend after Maggie, in the words of Freda, touches his “pee-pee.” (Maggie later turns Freda into a goldfish.)
The reason Girlfriend from Hell works is mostly because of the cast. Deane and Ashbrook play well off each other, while Abraham and Morse have some truly gut-busting moments together. Coughlan steals most of her scenes as Freda, who comes off as a sort of nerdy Daryl Hannah. The entire film rests on the shoulders of Curtis (Sixteen Candles, Critters 2), whose comedic timing is pitch perfect; her scenes with Barrile (Vinnie from Friday the 13th Part V) are some of the best in the movie, particularly in a moment when, after nearly running over gun-carrying nuns named Sisters Franks and Beans, Barrile states, “I like her! I really do!”
Having finally gotten a Blu-ray release from Vinegar Syndrome, Girlfriend from Hell is alive and well, and ready for rediscovery!
CANNIBAL CAMPOUT(1988) A quartet of likable-enough teens get more than they bargained for in this over-the-top gorefest from the co-director of Woodchipper Massacre. While on a weekend excursion in the New Jersey wilderness—the location of which just happens to be the site of several brutal and unsolved murders—four high school friends become the main course for a trio of redneck, cannibalistic killers, one of which wears a fighter pilot helmet and visor (the product most likely the result of someone in the crew having recently watched Top Gun). The usual gory hijinks ensue, with several of the cast members being viciously slaughtered and dismembered, with mostly gross results—the Savini-like FX are fairly good despite the lunchbox budget. A harmless bit of homemade horror, this is hampered by too many scenes of characters roaming aimlessly through the woods to fill out its 88 minutes. Recommended only for SOV enthusiasts. C+
VIDEO VIOLENCE (1987)The plot of Video Violence is so clever, it’s surprising it wasn’t made by a big studio. Instead, this shot-on-video slasher-satire was filmed by a group of friends in Bayonne, New Jersey, and the final product is a work of creative, if low-tech, zero-budget filmmaking. Steve (Art Neill), the owner of a video rental store, discovers a real snuff movie has been accidentally sent to his shop and goes straight to the police, who immediately dismiss him. Rick (Kevin Haver), Steven’s new employee, is the obvious culprit, but the mayhem is actually the creation of a couple of beer-guzzling chowderheads who are kidnapping, torturing, and murdering victims on camera—all with the help of the small town’s residents, whose growing appetite for video splatter has turned them all into blood-thirsty wackos. With better acting and story structure than you’d expect from a SOV splatter flick, Video Violence is a nice addition to the sub-subgenre of low-fi horror—but like most of the ilk, it runs way too long. Just don’t expect much and you might enjoy yourself. B–
WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE(1988) An absurd, occasionally funny shot-on-camcorder horror-comedy filmed in Connecticut concerning three siblings left alone for the week with their strict, gray-haired Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride), whose unreasonable demands and accusations make Mrs. Bates seem downright charming. Things get complicated when the youngest brother (Tom Casiello) accidentally stabs Tess to death with a hunting knife, resulting in—you guessed it!—the kids using their father’s backyard woodchipper to dispose of the body, which comes in handy when their nosy cousin starts sniffing around. Anyone going into this is most likely not expecting an unpredictable plot, deep character arcs, or intelligent writing, which is good because Woodchipper Massacre has none of those things—its one-sentence premise is stretched to a long 80-minutes. If the movie works at all it’s because of the kids, all of whom have energy and are clearly enjoying themselves. But, for a film with “massacre” in the title, this is surprisingly devoid of the red stuff. C
