Category: 80s

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City of the Living Dead, Home Sweet Home, Witchery

City of the Living Dead – 1980, Italy, 92m. Director: Lucio Fulci.

Home Sweet Home – 1981, US, 84m. Director: Nettie Peña.

Witchery – 1989, Italy, 94m. Director: Fabrizio Laurenti.

CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980) (AKA: Fear in the City of the Living Dead; The Gates of Hell) A priest’s suicide triggers a series of gruesome events in a small town whose residents are the descendants of witch-burners. A man gets his head impaled with an industrial power drill. A woman is attacked by the ghost of the priest, who suffocates the poor soul with a handful of worm-infested rotting flesh. Another woman is hypnotized into expelling her entire intestinal track out from her mouth. There are also zombies running amok ripping out brains—plus a maggot rainstorm! All this splatter could only mean it’s the end of the world, Lucio Fulci-style! Although the movie is supposedly inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft (with some Stephen King thrown in for good measure), City of the Living Dead contains the usual Fulci-zombie fare—a funeral director gets his hand chomped by a revivified corpse, for example. As with other Fulci cannibal epics, City of the Living Dead might be high on style, but it’s low on logic. In other words, it’s a nonsensical but highly enjoyable bloodbath. B

HOME SWEET HOME (1981) A chuckling lunatic (Jake Steinfeld) high on PCP escapes from the hospital, steals a station wagon—running over an old lady in the process—and drives out to the sticks, where he terrorizes a family celebrating Thanksgiving. Steinfeld goes about performing the usual escaped killer tricks (e.g. cutting the phone lines) before he starts eliminating his victims—one of the men, a guitar-playing magician/mime, is perhaps the most annoying character in the history of low budget horror movies. There’s nothing special or original about Home Sweet Home, but despite its contrivances the film has personality and a sense of humor. Gorehounds won’t appreciate the lack of blood, but that doesn’t stop the movie from being an enjoyable, albeit obscure, holiday slasher. Steinfeld would eventually gain fame for his Body by Jake/FitTV empire, as well as becoming an ambassador for physical fitness under Schwarzenegger’s governorship. B–

WITCHERY (1989) (AKA: Witchcraft) A scorned actress-turned-witch (Hildegard Knef) summons a group of people to a ramshackle house in order to fulfill a Satanic prophecy, which includes the sacrifice of sexually-repressed student Leslie Cumming (the Virgin), and pregnant Linda Blair (the Harlot). Blair’s past connection to the house is represented in dreams and premonitions, as well as via the slaughter of her evil stepmother (Annie Ross), who’s hung upside down in the fireplace and burnt alive. In a replay of The Exorcist, Blair is possessed by Knef (sans the genius of Dick Smith) and kills off the rest of the unexciting cast (including David Hasselhoff). But love wins in the end, and she flings herself out of a window before harming her little brother—although not before Cumming is raped by an otherworldly being and unwillingly invites her demonic baby into society. Another bogus Italian stinker made in the States and featuring no redeeming qualities whatsoever—from the makers of the equally idiotic Ghosthouse (1988). D

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Hellraiser Quartet

Hellraiser – 1987, UK/US, 94m. Director: Clive Barker.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II – 1988, UK, 97m. Director: Tony Randel.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth – 1992, UK/US, 97m. Director: Anthony Hickox.

Hellraiser: Bloodline – 1996, UK/US, 85m. Director: Alan Smithee (Kevin Yagher, Joe Chappelle).

HELLRAISER (1987) Horror writer extraordinaire, Clive Barker, made his directorial debut with this audacious adaptation of his own story, The Hellbound Heart, which not only launched a franchise, but created one of horror cinema’s most iconic villains—Pinhead. As portrayed by Doug Bradley, Pinhead (one of many demons called Cenobites, summoned by those who wish to experience pain as pleasure) is different from other movie monsters of the eighties in the sense that he’s smart—and actually scary. But while Pinhead might be Hellraiser‘s most memorable character, he’s not the film’s main antagonist. That role would go to the diabolical (and very human) Frank (Sean Chapman), a dead man who manipulates his brother’s wife, Julia (Clare Higgins), into murdering men so he can steal their life force and be reborn in flesh and blood in order to escape the Cenobites. Bob Keen handled the makeup and other bloody effects and they’re first-rate—including a skinless Frank that gives new meaning to disgusting; a fitting aspect, as Hellraiser is as gruesome as it is good. The movie’s financial success and pop culture status led to multiple sequels, comic books, video games, and an ill-conceived reboot in 2022 that failed to reignite the franchise…for now, at least. B+

HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988) If any horror film of the 1980s warranted a sequel it was Hellraiser, Clive Barker’s film adaptation of his own novella that introduced such an interesting (albeit gross) world that one movie couldn’t possibly have contained the whole story. Hellbound sees the return of Julia (Clare Higgins), who after being betrayed and dispatched by her lover in the first film, is brought back from the dead by a brain surgeon (Kenneth Cranham) obsessed with finding the Cenobites. Kirsty (Ashley Laurence), survivor of Part 1, goes after Julia by following her into Hell and, in a clever twist, enlisting the help of Pinhead (Doug Bradley) and his army of demonic minions. We get more of a backstory on Pinhead, and how, once a human, he was transformed into a monster. Although he remained an executive producer on Hellbound, Barker handed over the directing reins to Tony Randel who, in all fairness, does just as good (if not better) a job as the author. Maybe not as cutting-edge as the first Hellraiser, Hellbound is nonetheless a wild ride of splattery, black-humored mayhem done efficiently, and—most importantly—grotesquely. A bloody good sequel. B+

HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH (1992) Four years after being (theoretically) killed off in Hellraiser II, everyone’s favorite leather-clad nail enthusiast, Pinhead (Doug Bradley), is back, and this time he’s created a new army of colorful Cenobites. Trapped inside the Hell sculpture that emerged from Julia’s literal deathbed at the end of the last film, Pinhead springs back to life via a splatter of blood, and manipulates a douchebag club owner (Kevin Bernhardt) into bringing him fresh victims so he can enter our plane of existence. A TV journalist (Terry Farrell) investigating the bizarre murders is contacted from another dimension by the human version of Pinhead—an early 20th century British soldier by the name of Elliot Spencer—and told the only way to get rid of his alter ego for good is to destroy the puzzle box that is used to open the gates to Hell (although Hellraiser III seems to have forgotten there were multiple boxes, not just the one, in Part 2). Hellraiser III might not offer a lot in terms of fresh ideas, but it’s got some inventive makeup FX, likable characters, and energetic direction from Waxwork‘s Anthony Hickox. Plus, Pinhead gets more screen time here than he did in the previous two films. More on the cheesy side, but Hellraiser III is a solid entry in the series. B–

HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE (1996) As with any long-running franchise, the makers of the Hellraiser series had written themselves into a corner. What can the series’s central character, Pinhead, do in No. 4 that he hasn’t done many times over in the previous installments? The writers of Bloodline answered this question by offering a story that (unsuccessfully) juggles three plotlines—past, present, and future—in dealing with the origin of the Lament Configuration, and how the maker of the puzzle box forever cursed his family with his invention. Created for a hedonistic 18th Century French aristocrat, the box unleashes a demon by the name of Angelique (Valentina Vargas), who’s kept prisoner by the box’s owner until she can destroy the creator (Bruce Ramsay) and return to Hell. Angelique enlists the help of Pinhead (Doug Bradley) in present-day when she finds the creator’s descendant living in New York City. He’s in possession of his ancestor’s plans of reversing the box’s powers and exterminating Angelique and Pinhead forever—and this is told in flashback via another relative of Ramsay in futuristic 2127! The overly complicated script is really just fodder for Pinhead to do what he does best: ripping people apart, or turning them into Cenobites—something Hell on Earth handled much better. Yet Bloodline isn’t all bad. Bradley is in good form, the special effects are adequate, and there’s even a hell-hound! But it’s clear the series was running out of steam well before the rushed end credits. C

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Barn of the Naked Dead, Dance of the Damned, The Nesting

The Barn of the Naked Dead – 1973, US, 86m. Director: Alan Rudolph.

Dance of the Damned – 1989, US, 82m. Director: Katt Shea.

The Nesting – 1981, US, 104m. Director: Armand Weston.

THE BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD (1973) (AKA: Terror Circus) Maniacal mama’s boy Andrew Prine, who sees himself as a sort of P.T. Barnum, kidnaps young women and keeps them chained up in his barn as part of a demented circus. Prine tortures the women (who he refers to as animals) into performing acts for his sick pleasure, which includes psychological and physical abuse—and dousing one victim in cow’s blood and setting her free while his pet mountain lion gives chase. Andrew’s mental capacity (what little is left of it) collapses and he becomes convinced one of the women is dear old Mom, who abandoned him when he was a kid. Prine’s antics are ultimately stopped after the arrival of his even crazier, mutated father, who rips Prine to pieces before running off into the sunset. A sleazy and depressing film that’s not the overzealous splatter movie its title suggests. C

DANCE OF THE DAMNED (1989) A lonely vampire (Cyril O’Reilly) sporting a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet and looking for a mate finds a potential candidate in suicidal stripper Starr Andreeff. O’Reilly takes her back to his windowless Art Deco home, where he tries to seduces her into a world of eternal darkness before she pumps a round of bullets into his chest. Even after the bullets bounce off him and he flashes his fangs, Andreeff asks, “What are you?” O’Reilly is clearly not after her mind. The vampire exploits Andreeff’s estranged relationship with her son in order to lure her into his arms, but the experience only makes her want to live. After an all-night on-and-off brawl, O’Reilly’s human sensitivities emerge and he sacrifices himself in sunlight in a ridiculous ending that gives new meaning to anticlimactic. There’s less skin and violence than you’d expect from a production that looks like it was made for the Skinemax generation. Instead, writer/director Katt Shea (Poison Ivy) focuses on the characters, who are portrayed surprisingly well by good actors. With a little more polishing Dance of the Damned could have been a decent film. Unfortunately, it comes off more as second-rate Anne Rice. C

THE NESTING (1981) Nervous big city writer Robin Groves moves into a remote country home hoping it will cure her agoraphobia, unaware the place is infested with the angry spirits of its former occupants. Groves is inexplicably drawn to the Victorian building through a series of unexplained visions until the old “I’ve been here before” motif comes into play. Bumps in the night and visitations from ghosts send Groves to the brink of insanity—and viewers to the realization that the makers of this clinker have seen The Shining one too many times. The screenplay tries for more of a psychological edge, but its failure is in its lack of sympathetic characters worth caring about—like the film itself, Groves is often cold and alienating. There is a brooding atmosphere and a couple of lively murders (the scythe-to-the-face is a highlight), but the sluggish pacing makes the 104-minute running time seem like two hours. C

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Legend of Boggy Creek and Sequels

The Legend of Boggy Creek – 1972, US, 87m. Director: Charles B. Pierce.

Return to Boggy Creek – 1977, US, 84m. Director: Tom Moore.

Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues – 1983, US, 92m. Director: Charles B. Pierce.

THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK (1972) Independent filmmaker Charles B. Pierce single-handedly created a cottage industry with this mockumentary about a Bigfoot-like creature that stalks the surrounding swamps of a small Arkansas town. The film’s gimmick is its documentary-style presentation, featuring interviews with fishermen, hunters, and other citizens who claim to have encountered the “Fouke Monster.” Many of the stories are recreated quite effectively—the film’s grainy, low-budget quality give these scenes an unnerving detail. Although often hokey, it’s Boggy Creek‘s sense of realism that makes the movie work, and provides an element that would ultimately be influential on the television series In Search Of… as well as the found-footage subgenre revolutionized with The Blair Witch Project. A surprise hit, this was followed by an unauthorized sequel in 1977 (Return to Boggy Creek), and a legitimate one directed by Pierce in 1983, apply titled Boggy Creek II. Ironically, neither subsequent film was made in documentary fashion. B

RETURN TO BOGGY CREEK (1977) Soggy, family-friendly sequel to Charles B. Pierce’s creepy Legend of Boggy Creek (1972) about the adventures of a Sasquatch monster haunting a fishing community. In the Pierce film, the aggressive creature is referred to as the Fouke Monster because of its close proximity to Fouke, Arkansas. In Return to Boggy Creek the creature is called “Big Bay-Ty” and is more of a misunderstood gentle giant that goes out of its way to rescue a trio of kids caught in a storm while on a wilderness excursion. Competently acted—Dawn Wells of Gilligan’s Island and Dana Plato of Diff’rent Strokes play mother and daughter—but about as exciting as watching paint dry. Years later, Pierce himself would make his own sequel with Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues, which completely (and wisely) ignores this movie. D+

BOGGY CREEK II: AND THE LEGEND CONTINUES (1983) An anthropology professor and three students investigate claims of the Boggy Creek monster in this direct sequel to the 1972 cult favorite The Legend of Boggy Creek. The sequel ignores the documentary-style presentation of the earlier film but offers flashback sequences of creature attacks narrated by the professor (director Charles B. Pierce), none of which contain the atmospheric effectiveness of Legend of Boggy Creek—there are so many close-ups of the monster that it’s obvious it’s an actor in a mask. The scenes with the monster have an undeniably cheesy charm, but whenever the beast isn’t on screen the movie plods. And 92 minutes is a lot of Boggy time to fill. Better than Return to Boggy Creek, but not by much. C

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Happy Birthday to Me, Hell’s Trap, Macabre

Happy Birthday to Me – 1981, Canada, 110m. Director: J. Lee Thompson.

Hell’s Trap – 1989, Mexico, 90m. Director: Pedro Galindo III.

Macabre – 1980, Italy, 89m. Director: Lamberto Bava.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (1981) An overbearingly silly Halloween/Friday the 13th hybrid that actually has more in common with Scooby-Doo—but on a less entertaining level. The snotty high school friends of distraught Virginia (Melissa Sue Anderson), who’s still traumatized over a childhood incident, are being slaughtered in the days leading up to her birthday. A French exchange student has his face shoved into the spinning wheel of a dirt bike after stealing a pair of Virginia’s underwear. The jock of the group gets crushed under his own bench press. The best death in the film features a shish kebab skewer, complete with marinated steak chunks, being shoved into a victim’s mouth. The culprit removes the bodies after each kill and, judging from the speed with which they wipe down the crime scene should be placed in the Guinness Book of World Records. The fact that a majority of their friends have disappeared doesn’t stop Virginia and gang from partying and acting like general nincompoops—especially Virginia, who spends most of the movie pouting and/or complaining. The most convoluted part of the screenplay comes during the third act when the killer’s identity and motivation are revealed in a scene that will have you moaning in disbelief. Polished direction by Hollywood vet J. Lee Thompson (Cape Fear), but in the end you’ll feel like you’ve just been ripped off by a pro. C–

HELL’S TRAP (1989) A group of not-too-bright individuals competing in a bear-hunting stunt end up prey to a deranged killer stalking the area. The masked madman uses a series of tunnels to sneak up on his victims, and an arsenal of weapons to maim them with, including a Freddy Krueger-like razor glove and the old standby, bow-and-arrow. The survivors try to escape via pickup but are thwarted by the killer, whose quick and agile movements would give even John Rambo competition. Despite being supplied with rifles, the callous characters fail to eliminate the threat: an ex-soldier of war who believes he’s still in Vietnam—who, when the slashing fails, brings out a machine gun in an appropriately blood-spattered sequence. There’s nothing particularly exceptional about Hell’s Trap, but the film is made with a high amount of energy and style that keeps things moving at a good pace up until its (literally) explosive finale. In all, an enjoyably cockamamie Mexican slasher. B–

MACABRE (1980) An adulterous housewife (Bernice Stegers)—who left her children home alone so she could spend the afternoon in coitus—is put through the wringer when both her son and lover die on the same day. Stegers then moves into the apartment she used for her secret sexual rendezvous and slowly loses her marbles while, like Norman Bates with his mother, continues to carry out a relationship with her deceased lover. The place’s blind landlord (Stanko Molnar) forms an infatuation with Stegers, which turns to jealously after nightly sounds of lovemaking emanate from her apartment. This Italian psychological chiller has Hitchcockian vibes—thanks to the last reel’s shocking reveal—but it’s really nothing more than a lurid (and entertaining) exploitation vehicle made for the splatter crowd. Director Lamberto Bava (Demons) is the son of legendary filmmaker Mario Bava, and judging from this polished production, the kid learned well. B–

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April Fool’s Day, Basket Case, The Church

April Fool’s Day – 1986, Canada/US, 89m. Director: Fred Walton.

Basket Case – 1982, US, 91m. Director: Frank Henenlotter.

The Church – 1989, Italy, 102m. Director: Michael Soavi.

APRIL FOOL’S DAY (1986) A practical joke gone horrible awry sets the tone for this Agatha Christie-inspired slasher. Friends partying on a private island for spring break are done in by a killer who may or may not be the demented escapee twin of the wealthy hostess (Deborah Foreman). Drinking and flirting turns to worry and panic when people start inexplicably disappearing, including the trickster (Griffin O’Neal) whose earlier prank sent a ferryman to the hospital. Or is it all just an elaborate hoax? The screenplay spends more time on character and mystery than bloodshed, and in doing so delivers a solid thriller that balances suspense with laughs. The film’s “is-it-real?” scenario is, in a way, a parody of a subgenre that often took itself a bit too seriously. The good cast also helps bring the story to life, especially Friday the 13th alumna (and fan favorite) Amy Steel, as well as eighties regulars Clayton Rohner (I, Madman), Deborah Goodrich (Just One of the Guys), Ken Olandt (Summer School), and Tom Wilson of Back to the Future fame. It underperformed at the box office, but April Fool’s Day eventually gained a wider audience through repeat viewings on late night television and is now considered a cult classic—and comes highly recommended. Director Fred Walton previously helmed the 1979 sleeper When a Stranger Calls. B+

BASKET CASE (1982) A young man named Duane (Kevin Van Hentenryck) arrives in New York City to find the doctors who separated him from his conjoined twin brother, Belial—a one-foot tall, deformed creature with a thirst for revenge. Belial immediately goes about tearing off the faces of the doctors who wronged him and Duane, as well as anyone who gets in their way, which includes a plethora of seedy city types. Basket Case‘s minuscule budget is quite noticeable but ironically it adds flavor to the film’s gruesome atmosphere, something its bigger budgeted and slicker sequels lack. In fact, the film’s vulgar, grand guignol vibe plays extremely well with director Frank Henenlotter’s dark sense of humor, which is pumped into many of Belial’s gore-drenched escapades—including when one of the doctors gets a taste of her own medicine by having her face pulverized with a half-dozen scalpels. A twisted little gem, not to be missed. B+

THE CHURCH (1989) The restoration of a large cathedral uncovers the sinister truth behind the place’s nefarious history. Built over the mass grave of murdered 12th century villagers by a superstitious sect known as the Teutonic Order, the church becomes infused with evil powers and traps a group of employees and tourists within its structure. When a librarian (Tomas Arana) breaks open a seal in the basement, he unleashes a demonic force which subsequently possesses and turns him into a moody dope who incessantly pounds the “6” on his typewriter. Arana infects more people, turning them into demons until the place becomes a regular monster jamboree. One of the characters suffering from demonitis takes his own life by impaling himself on a jackhammer. Random characters try to find a way out through the labyrinthine dwelling but meet gruesome ends, including an insufferable bonehead who digs through to the underground transit system only to get her face splattered across the windshield of a train. In a rip-off of Rosemary’s Baby, a woman (Barbara Cupisti) lies naked on an altar surrounded by Satan-worshippers and is raped by the Devil himself. What could all of this mean? Why it’s yet another stylish but empty supernatural melodrama from the reigning king of Italian supernatural melodrama, Michael Soavi, this time aided by producer/co-writer Dario Argento. Good special effects and use of sound, but in the end The Church feels like just another Demons/Evil Dead clone. C–

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The Mutilator, Scream (1981), Terror Train

The Mutilator – 1984, US, 86m. Director: Buddy Cooper.

Scream – 1981, US, 82m. Director: Byron Quisenberry.

Terror Train – 1980, Canada, 97m. Director: Roger Spottiswoode.

THE MUTILATOR (1984) (AKA: Fall Break) An appropriately titled bloodbath filmed in North Carolina and subjected to numerous rounds with the MPAA over its graphic violence—a scene where a young woman is hooked in the groin is particularly gruesome. The woman was the victim of a wacko who lost his marbles years ago when his son accidentally shot the mom with a rifle. Now in college, the son (Matt Mitler) and his friends become the obsession of his demented dad (Jack Chatham), who sleeps in the cellar of his house with an oversized ax and dreams of cutting his son’s throat. Chatham soon makes his dream a reality when Mitler and gang arrive at the house for a weekend of partying but end up on the sharp end of Chatham’s plethora of weapons. The characters are mostly duds, and watching them die in horrible ways is the only benefit the viewer can take away from this Halloween/Friday the 13th/The Prowler clone. One of Mitler’s buddies gets shredded with an outboard motor after skinny dipping with his girlfriend. A nosy security guard is beheaded with Chatham’s infamous ax. The killer strings up his prey on meat hooks, building to the obligatory scene where a character stumbles upon his dead friends before getting impaled with a pitchfork. Chatham gets his in the end when he’s mowed down by Mitler’s Cadillac convertible and cut in half. Good makeup effects by Mark Shostrom and Anthony Showe, but not much else. C (Currently streaming on Night Flight Plus and Arrow Player.)

SCREAM (1981) Campers on a rafting expedition are stalked by a killer after stopping for the night in a ghost town. The characters start pointing fingers at each other with the discovery of the first victim—hung from a noose—but that doesn’t stop more bodies from dropping, which unfortunately for the viewer are in sleep-inducing ways. None of the campers have personalities, so even after being bumped off, their absence is barely noticed. The filmmakers were obviously striving for a Friday the 13th-style slasher, but the lack of energy and suspense is clear from the beginning, as are the gory makeup effects typically found in this type of film. While one can appreciate the mystery angle the writers were striving for, the mystery ultimately proves fruitless if there’s no core to its aimless plot, which descends into supernatural territory during the absurd third act. Pepper Martin, the loudmouth truck stop bully from Superman II, here plays a loudmouth bully. How’s that for casting? D+ (Currently unavailable.)

TERROR TRAIN (1980) Freshman pledge Kenny (Derek McKinnon) is used as bait for a fraternity prank and left psychologically scarred by the incident—which involves a stolen corpse. Three years later, the frat brothers and sorority sisters responsible for Kenny’s torment throw a New Year’s Eve costume party on a moving passenger train, unaware a masked killer is in their midst. After a character is dispatched, the maniac steals the victim’s costume, making it seem as if the dead person is still very much alive, and tricking others into feeling their bloody wrath. Surprises are not something Terror Train has a lot of, especially when it’s revealed Kenny is the murderer seeking revenge for the aforementioned prank that left him in a psychiatric ward. What this film does have is excellent production values and acting, including Jamie Lee Curtis in one of her better post-Halloween, pre-Hollywood roles. C+ (Currently streaming on Roku and Plex.)

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Dead-End Drive-In, Fright, The Kiss, Trog

Dead-End Drive-In – 1986, Australia, 92m. Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith.

Fright – 1971, UK, 86m. Director: Peter Collinson.

The Kiss – 1988, Canada, 101m. Director: Pen Densham.

Trog – 1970, UK, 93m. Director: Freddie Francis.

DEAD-END DRIVE-IN (1986) Worldwide economic collapse and man-made chemical disasters have turned civilization into one big car crash derby. The rise in crime and teenage delinquency in an Australian town has led to the creation of secret detention centers for youthful criminals and the unemployed. Unfortunately, dimwitted Jimmy (Ned Manning) and his girlfriend, Carmen (Natalie McCurry), find themselves trapped in a center after being lured into one that’s disguised as a drive-in showing Turkey Shoot (1982). Jimmy plots to escape the electrified walls and return to some semblance of freedom while Carmen acclimates to the place’s shanty town/punk lifestyle and turns into even more of a dolt—and a racist to boot. Dead-End Drive-In has the look of a flashy music video, complete with spiked hair, dog collars, and revved up car chases. But just like a music video the film is empty and utterly forgettable the minute it’s over. Obtuse characters and a lack of any genuine excitement result in a callous Mad Max rip-off aimed at the under 18 market with nothing to offer other than its unique drive-in setting. D+ (Currently streaming on Hoopla.)

FRIGHT (1971) A college student (Susan George) is tormented by an escaped madman while babysitting at a remote house. A precursor to films like When a Stranger Calls, Halloween, and many other babysitters-in-terror titles, this British production doesn’t have any true surprises for the sophisticated viewer—it’s extremely tame by today’s standards—but it’s well-acted and manages to raise a few goosebumps during its first act. Unfortunately, the third act’s hostage standoff scenario kills any momentum the film built and sinks the premise into the doldrums of yet another police procedural. George makes a likable protagonist but it’s Honor Blackman as the level-headed ex-wife of psychopath Ian Bannon who steals the show. C (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

THE KISS (1988) After her mother is killed in a spectacular car crash, young Amy (Meredith Salenger) is thrust into a new life with her estranged aunt, Felice (Joanna Pacula). Unfortunately for Amy, beautiful Felice is host to a black magic-conjured parasitic creature that transports between humans via the title affection—and anyone who gets in the way of her plot to take over the family homestead is met with disaster. Amy’s suspicions are dismissed by her horny father (Nicholas Kilbertus), who’s too busy screwing Felice to notice his daughter’s distress. Felice also has a familiar in the form of a demonic cat-like critter that puts the kibosh to many of Amy’s friends. The Kiss doesn’t offer anything new in the teenagers-in-peril arena but instead uses elements from better horror titles (namely Cat People and The Omen) to tell its story. What the movie does have are suspense, inventive Chris Walas makeup effects, and good acting, especially from Mimi Kuzyk as Amy’s nurturing neighbor. Only a ludicrous ending undermines a decent little film. B– (Available on YouTube.)

TROG (1970) A team of cave explorers in the British countryside discover a living troglodyte in the form of a prehistoric man/ape creature. “Trog” kills one of the explorers and wounds another, prompting their scientist colleague, Dr. Brockton (Joan Crawford), to capture the beast and bring it back to civilization. This causes a media frenzy in the nearby town in the form of disbelieving journalists and a hot-headed, Bible-quoting big wig named Murdock (Michael Gough) whose plan to build a hotel in the area is thwarted by Trog’s presence. Trog learns to speak (briefly), play with a ball, and makes goo-goo eyes at Brockton’s granddaughter (Kim Braden). Murdock trashes Brockton’s lab and sets Trog free into the world, where the misunderstood manimal goes on a killing spree—which includes hanging a butcher on his own meathook. Campy and ridiculous, but entertaining in spite of itself. B– (Currently streaming on Prime.)

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976-EVIL, Neon Maniacs, Rabid

976-EVIL – 1988, US, 92m. Director: Robert Englund.

Neon Maniacs – 1986, US, 90m. Director: Joseph Mangine.

Rabid – 1977, Canada, 91m. Director: David Cronenberg.

The Supernaturals – 1986, US, 90m. Director: Armand Mastroianni.

976-EVIL (1988) Robert (Freddy Krueger) Englund made his directorial debut with this visually arresting but generic film about Satanic possession in the 20th century world of 1-900 phone lines. Patrick O’Bryan is a gambling-addicted high schooler who lives with his nerdy cousin (Stephen Geoffreys) and overbearing religious fanatic aunt (Sandy Dennis). O’Bryan ultimately stumbles upon a “horrorscope” hotline that promises to fulfill his every desire—but at a price. He dials in and immediately begins winning big at the poker table, while Geoffreys does a little phoning himself and scores with the local babe. Geoffrey’s lucky streak runs out and he’s beaten up by a gang of badly dressed punks, which triggers him into redialing the direct line to Satan and becoming the embodiment of pure evil. There’s an interesting idea in here, but unfortunately it gets lost in sea of monotonous characters and a half-baked plot that disintegrates into a rip-off of the more entertaining Evilspeak (1981). Englund’s direction is assured but empty, while Geoffreys—so colorful as “Evil” Ed in Fright Night—is wasted in an underwritten role. The movie’s imagination flourishes in the last twenty minutes, offering an appropriately fiery climax, and securing 976-EVIL II‘s production a few years later. C+ (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

NEON MANIACS (1986) The oldest looking teens this side of 90210 are stalked and slaughtered by a gang of mutated killers in Golden Gate Park. The sole survivor (Leilani Sarelle) informs the police but, naturally, they don’t believe her. Sarelle’s monster-loving classmate (Donna Locke) investigates and finds out the Maniacs have a lair under the Golden Gate Bridge; a strange hideaway considering water is the only source of destroying the mutants—a splash turns one of the madmen into a puddle of blood and slime. But common sense is not something the Neon Maniacs script is rife with, and frankly, neither is character development, story structure, or much of anything in the vein of good filmmaking. The plot is littered with unbelievable coincidences, and nobody but our main protagonists seems to notice these towering monsters, despite the fact our heroes live in San Francisco. What Neon Maniacs does offer is impressive makeup FX by Allan A. Apone and Douglas J. White. It’s just a shame they aren’t featured in a better movie. C (Currently streaming on Tubi.)

RABID (1977) An experimental skin graft turns a young woman (Marilyn Chambers) into some sort of vampiric predator. The twist is that she sucks the blood of her victims from a parasitic stinger that emerges from her armpit. Instead of killing her subjects, her bite (or sting) turns them into pale-faced ghouls with an appetite for human flesh. An interesting mix of elements taken from Night of the Living Dead and a typical vampire film, Rabid plays with the same theme of David Cronenberg’s previous horror feature, Shivers, in which seemingly normal-minded people are turned into ravenous monsters. And just as with Shivers, sexuality is an obvious subtext for the spreading of the virus—Chambers’s stinger protrudes from an orifice-like hole and penetrates her (mostly) male casualties. Chambers is quite good, and the plague/contamination subplot is eerily effective, and reminiscent of recent history. Interestingly enough, an attack sequence taking place inside a mall predates Romero’s Dawn of the Dead by a year. B (Currently streaming on Prime.)

THE SUPERNATURALS (1986) Army personnel on a training exercise in some Virginia woods interrupt the slumber of murdered Confederate soldiers that come back from the dead for revenge. A soldier discovers a hidden underground bunker with the rotting remains of its former Rebel inhabitants. The wife of one of the murdered Rebs returns as a ghost to warn the characters of impending doom, but fails miserably when the army brats start getting picked off by the zombified cavalry. The film plods as slowly as its musty antagonists—nothing much exciting happens within the first forty minutes. Even after the zombies start walking and—gasp!—using artillery against the modern-day soldiers, the movie fails to muster any suspense. The breathing characters are a forgettable mix of macho military caricatures that you feel nothing for when they meet their maker. The Supernaturals is such a lousy production it’s rather difficult to believe Nichelle Nichols, Maxwell Caulfield, Talia Balsam, and LeVar Burton had anything to do with it—but here they are, slumming it (especially Caulfield whose performance is so lifeless you’d think he was auditioning to be one of the walking stiffs). Director Armand Mastroianni made the much better and atmospheric He Knows You’re Alone (1980). D (Currently available on YouTube.)

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Classic ’80s: Poltergeist I-III

POLTERGEIST (1982) The Freeling family are living a blissful existence until their California tract home is invaded by malevolent spirits, turning their American dream into a nightmare. In a clever twist, the ghosts use the family’s television sets to enter the world of the living, snatching their youngest child, Carol Anne (Heather O’Rourke), and releasing a hideous barrage of incidents involving monstrous tree demons, spectral hell hounds, and a devilish clown doll. The desperate parents (JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson) enlist the help of a parapsychologist (Beatrice Straight) and her team of paranormal investigators, forming a template for the modern haunted house movie that would be replicated for decades to come. The relatively simple premise is elevated thanks to elegant direction by Tobe Hooper—no doubt under the close supervision of producer Steven Spielberg—and the use of fantastic special effects, many of which still pack a wallop. But Poltergeist‘s real strength lies in its characters, all of whom are sympathetic and grounded in reality, making the horror that’s happening to them all the more suspenseful. An excellent cast gives it their all, but it’s Zelda Rubinstein who steals the show in a memorable turn as psychic Tangina. “This house is clean.” A (Currently not streaming.)

POLTERGEIST II: THE OTHER SIDE (1986) Many fans find this sequel to Tobe Hooper’s Poltergeist disappointing. I don’t. Yes, it lacks the original’s story structure and characterization, but Poltergeist II: The Other Side is extremely well made and has plenty to offer. The year after the events in the first film has displaced the Freeling family—their house was sucked into another dimension—and they’ve taken up residence with Diane’s (JoBeth Williams) psychic mother (Geraldine Fitzgerald). The peace and quiet of life anew is interrupted by the arrival of a malicious entity known as Reverend Kane (Julian Beck), a 19th century doomsday preacher who killed his followers by burying them alive in an underground cavern. As shown in the opening credits, Kane’s skeletal remains still reside in the cave, which is located directly under the Freeling’s old swimming pool. Since Zelda Rubinstein’s participation as Tangina is sparse, the Freelings place their trust in Native American medicine man Taylor (Will Sampson), who teaches Steve Freeling (Craig T. Nelson) how to protect his family from Kane’s onslaught of ghostly activity—the most impressive being a grotesque semi-humanoid creature regurgitated by Steve (initially designed by H.R. Giger). The writers throw logic out the window by having every female member of the Freeling family being clairvoyant (a slick way of delivering plot exposition), and creating a ridiculously contrived climax taking place on the “other side.” Yet Poltergeist II is a lot of fun and manages to overcome most of its problems thanks to good acting, faithful character arcs, and some powerhouse special FX sequences that rival anything in the first movie. B (Currently streaming on Cinemax via Prime.)

POLTERGEIST III (1988) After battling otherworldly creatures twice before, little Carol Anne Freeling (Heather O’Rourke) is once again stricken with a bad case of ghostitis. Now attending a school for gifted children in Chicago while living with relatives, Carol Anne is pulled into another ghostly nightmare by Reverend Kane—who’s inexplicably returned after having been banished to Hell at the end of Poltergeist II. Kane (Nathan Davis) can enter our world through the use of mirrors and reflective surfaces, which conveniently cover the walls of Carol Anne’s new home in a posh high-rise managed by her Aunt Pat (Nancy Allen) and Uncle Bruce (Tom Skerritt). In a repeat of the first film, Carol Anne is snatched by Kane and taken to the spirit dimension—where Pat and Bruce must go in order to save the young girl. Kane also abducts Carol Anne’s cousin (Lara Flynn Boyle), who returns from the other side as a murderous demon that gives Carol Anne’s disbelieving psychiatrist (Richard Fire) a taste of his own medicine. Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) senses danger but has less to do here than she did in the previous movies. Kane continues to step up his game by creating the world’s first Demonic Car Crash Derby in the building’s underground parking garage in a scene that’s both ridiculous and spectacular. Pat keeps referring to Carol Anne as a “little brat” and losing sympathy votes with the viewer, while Joe Renzetti’s themeless keyboard musical score makes one miss Jerry Goldsmith’s memorable orchestral work from the original. But I’m carping. Poltergeist III is actually a fairly entertaining film filled with inventive and complex FX work. One of the smartest moments in any of the three movies happens here when Tangina realizes she’s just as capable as Carol Anne of giving Kane what he seeks. The makeup effects were supervised by Dick Smith. B– (Currently streaming on Cinemax via Prime.)