
BLUE EYES OF THE BROKEN DOLL (1974) A splattery slasher/psychodrama about a troubled drifter, Gilles (Paul Naschy), who finds work as a handyman – and all-around stud – for three colorful sisters at their hilltop manor in the remote Spanish countryside. When a mystery killer starts hacking out the blue eyes of blonde women in the area, all fingers point to Gilles, but the real identity of the killer is a little more obvious to the experienced viewer. The Italian gialli were clearly the blueprint for this bit of Eurosploitation, which features all of the trademarks of Argento and Bava, including the black-gloved killer and the overly complicated backstories/subplots that add little to the suspense of the murders. A competently made, typically melodramatic early ’70s slice-and-dicer, co-written by Naschy, the Lon Chaney of Spain. I prefer the alternate American video title, House of Psychotic Women, a lot more. C+

INSEMINOID (1981) Abysmal Alien/Friday the 13th rip-off about a group of space explorers excavating a cave system on an uncharted alien planet who, naturally, fall victim to a predatory creature. When one of the team (Judy Geeson, who’s awful) is impregnated with the creature’s baby, she’s turned into a raving maniac and carves up her unlikable costars while playing “Mommie Dearest” to her parasitic offspring. Even by low-rent genre standards, Inseminoid lacks the slightest shred of credibility, with “scientists” who seem barely capable of turning on a light switch let alone operating advanced space-age computers. The movie’s lunchbox budget doesn’t help, neither do the cut-rate gore effects – and brain-dead characters who seem to be in a constant state of annoyance. The shock ending will give you a case of the eyeball rolls. One of the worst. F

SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA (1988) While trying to steal a bowling trophy from an indoor mall as part of a sorority pledge initiation, a group of college students are terrorized by an evil imp hiding inside said trophy. At first the imp (which looks like a hand-puppet leftover from Ghoulies) grants their every wish, until the imp’s real intentions are revealed and several of the group are turned into demons (one whose physical manifestation is the Bride of Frankenstein!) that try to kill the remaining pledge sisters, along with their nerdy (and horny) frat admirers. Sort of a Revenge of the Nerds with a supernatural twist, Sorority Babes is a harmless bit of self-referential, goofy fun that mostly works, until it runs out of steam, which is, unfortunately, before its brief 80-minutes are up. The movie’s saving graces are Scream Queen trio, Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer, all of whom have enough energy and spunk to make a “Bowling for Dummies” instructional video entertaining. B–

SPHERE (1998) A well-intended, but not totally successful, adaptation of the terrific Michael Crichton novel that’s actually much better than its reputation suggests. A team of scientists and doctors are assembled to explore a buried spacecraft discovered at the bottom of the ocean, inside of which is a large, floating orb that has the power to make your worst fears a reality. While it lacks the complexity and suspense of the book (not to mention a fantastic sequence involving a giant squid), Barry Levinson’s film is smart enough to move at a fast pace and creates an environment of paranoia and tension. The cast is good – Samuel L. Jackson is excellent – but the characters often come off as cold and unsympathetic, especially Sharon Stone’s pill-popping marine biologist. As with Outbreak, Dustin Hoffman makes for a warm and likable hero. First-rate production values and effective use of underwater photography. B