Month: November 2022

DARK RIDE (2006) Tacky gore job about a group of lifeless college students on a spring break road trip who run into an escaped killer who’s hiding out inside an old boardwalk funhouse attraction where he murdered two young girls years earlier. Unimaginative dreck that’s stiffly directed by Craig Singer and really just a lame rip-off of Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse, but minus any creativity and suspense. Only Final Girl Jamie-Lynn Sigler (The Sopranos) offers the movie any ounce of energy or character. D

MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES (1957) A melodramatic biopic of actor and make-up artist, Lon Chaney (James Cagney), the successful vaudeville actor who grappled with a doomed marriage to a jealous, self-centered wife (Dorothy Malone) and eventually became the silent movie star legend we know him as today. The film kicks into gear in its second act when Chaney, desperate for roles in film, transforms himself via make-up into whatever character the studio needs, ultimately starring in classics Phantom of the Opera and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Cagney is excellent, and the recreations of the famous movie monster moments fun, but the script favors Chaney’s real life dramas over his more exciting (and interesting) horror movies and revolutionary make-up work, focusing on a subplot that paints Lon as an unnecessary villain. C+

RAZORBACK (1984) Australia’s answer to Jaws is this energetic adventure/horror about a giant killer boar stalking the Outback and making mincemeat out of anyone it comes into contact with. When an American journalist (Judy Morris) goes missing in the area, her husband (Gregory Harrison) travels to Australia to investigate, teaming up with a big game hunter (Chris Haywood) hellbent on destroying the “razorback” that killed his grandson years earlier. A quick pace and vibrant direction from famed music video helmer Russell Mulcahy (Resident Evil: Extinction), plus a brilliant use of widescreen photography, help to create a fun Ozploitation flick. Harrison’s dull performance and an overall lack of sympathetic characters are the film’s weak points, but Bob McCarron’s animatronic FX work – which, like Jaws, are only glimpsed here and there – are highly inventive. Most of the gore footage was cut prior to release, but it’s included on the Blu-ray release from Umbrella. B

THE STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH (1971) Stylish giallo about a series of slashings in and around Vienna after the arrival of a diplomat and his wife, Julie (Edwige Fenech), who carries with her a “Fifty Shades of Grey” relationship with a past lover (Ivan Rassimov). When people close to Julie become the killer’s next target, she begins to suspect it might be one of the many men in her life, including her sadomasochistic boyfriend. Flashy direction from Sergio Martino, a good cast, and an excellent musical score by Nora Orlandi (later sampled by Tarantino in Kill Bill Vol. 2) help shape a better-than-average slasher/thriller. A shorter runtime would have benefited the pacing, but that’s a small complaint. B

THE CHILD (1977) A weird mix of Dark Shadows gothicism and George Romero zombie mayhem, this period piece centers on the strange Nordon family, who’ve hired young nanny, Alicianne (Laurel Barnett), to look after their youngest daughter, Rosalie (Rosalie Cox), in their isolated, hilltop house. Little does Alicianne know that Rosalie has Carrie-like powers and uses them to raise the dead from the nearby cemetery in order to act out revenge against those she feels wronged her deceased mother. A thick atmosphere and intriguing premise are hampered by terrible acting and one of the most useless and annoying Final Girls in horror history. The 1940s aesthetics and somewhat lively climax are not enough to recommend this. The musical score sounds like it was recorded inside a washing machine. C–

HOMEBODIES (1974) Kooky but charming horror-comedy about a group of old-timers who are being evicted from their crumbling apartment building to make way for a new string of modern skyscrapers. Refusing to be relocated to a nursing facility, the sprightly residents take matters into their own hands and resort to murder in order to stay where they are. Wonderfully acted, daftly funny, and refreshingly original, the film works from beginning to end because of its good cast, including Paula Trueman, who could be Minnie Castevet’s twin sister. B+

SOLE SURVIVOR (1984) A sorta-kinda reworking of Carnival of Souls, this version has young TV exec, Denise (Anita Skinner), being the only survivor of a plane crash and subsequently being stalked by the reanimated corpses of people who’ve recently died. Good, slow-building, suspenseful direction from Thom Eberhardt (Night of the Comet) and an eerie atmosphere help create a nice little movie that’s much less predictable than you’d think. Skinner’s Denise isn’t the warmest protagonist and the script plods here and there, but this is still a solid film and with a very satisfying, and appropriately grim, ending. The Christmas holiday setting isn’t important to the plot, but the change of scenery is nice. B

WITHOUT WARNING (1980) Goofy and entertaining crossbred of Alien and Friday the 13th about a group of friends on a woodsy excursion who’re pursued by an alien hunter that uses bloodsucking, flying leech-like parasites to subdue its victims. Good direction from Greydon Clark and a likable cast of characters help keep this moving even when the plot doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, something a faster pace might have helped with. Jack Palance, and especially Martin Landau as a war vet who believes he’s still in Vietnam, are good. Look for David Caruso as an early victim. Slight but amusing. B–

HAUNTED HONEYMOON (1986) An underrated horror-comedy (or comedy-horror?) about 1920s radio stars, Larry Abbot (Gene Wilder), and his fiancée, Vickie Pearle (Gilda Radner), who are invited to spend a weekend at Larry’s childhood home for a pre-wedding family gathering. Unbeknownst to Larry, the weekend is actually a set-up by his psychiatrist uncle (Paul L. Smith) to put Larry through a fear experiment in order to cure Larry’s phobias, which resulted from an incident at his mother’s wedding when he was a kid. That plan provides someone in the family the perfect opportunity: to use the ruse to murder Larry in order to alter the family will. There might also be a werewolf running around. Charming and funny, this works mainly because of its wonderful cast, including Dom DeLuise, and real-life couple, Wilder and Radner, both of whom had incredible romantic and comedic chemistry. Silly fluff that goes down like candy. B+

HOME SWEET HOME (1981) A ranting maniac (Jake Steinfeld), locked up for killing his parents, escapes from an institution, steals a car – running down an old lady in the process! – and heads to a nearby house, where a dysfunctional family is celebrating Thanksgiving. Not nearly as bad as its reputation suggests, this is goofy fun, but bogged down by limp direction and massive predictability. Colorful characters and splashes of humor help move the sometimes mundane story along, but don’t expect any surprises or suspense. Recommend only for fans of silly ’80s slasher flicks, and perhaps “Body by Jake” enthusiasts. Best scene: the electrocution of an annoying, rock guitar-playing mime. B–

POST MORTEM (2020) A truly unique horror film, Post Mortem is also a bit of a frustrating one. Set in Hungary after the first World War, the story follows Tomás (Viktor Klem), a former soldier whose near-death experience on the battlefield has given him an uncanny eye for post mortem photography. Asked to take photos of recently deceased persons at an isolated village ravaged by the Spanish Flu, Tomás encounters several unexplained incidents that lead him to believe the place is haunted. A good cast/likable characters and its early 20th century Central European setting create a nice atmosphere, which helps project its somewhat by-the-numbers story to greater heights. Ultimately, all of this gets swallowed in a very confusing plot that is, at times, very hard to follow and is further hampered by too many character hallucinations that are really just artsy, metaphorical, cinematic tricks detouring from the more simple haunting subplot. A beautiful-looking, but ultimately empty film, this gets extra points for several good scares. C+

TERRIFIER 2 (2022) Art the Clown is back in this overindulgent sequel. Teenage Sienna (Lauren LaVera) and her kid brother, Jonathan (Elliot Fullam), still reeling from their father’s recent death, are anticipating a harmless Halloween night of partying, but end up fighting for their lives against supernatural serial killer, Art (David Howard Thornton), who’s got a new bag of grotesque tricks up his sleeve. Stylized after the grindhouse flicks of the ’70s and 80s, Terrifier 2 offers the same geek show thrills that the movies of Herschel Gordon Lewis and Lucio Fulci brought to theaters over 50 years ago. As with the best of H.G., the ultra violence of Terrifier 2 is heightened by its obvious black comedic touches, specifically a scene where Art showers a maimed victim in bleach and salt for absolutely no reason. But, as with the worst of Lewis, when the gore isn’t dripping, Terrifier 2 is quite dull, with uninteresting characters filling long stretches of runtime, saying mundane dialogue – heck, even Jason got more personality out of his camp counselors in the majority of the Fridays. The film’s confusingly long 138 minutes is a big detractor. Maybe they’ll get it right with Terrifier 3? C

THE BAD SEED (1956) One of the most famous movies about a killer child, this classic features a remarkably sinister performance by Patty McCormick as Rhoda, an amoral, malicious eight-year-old who goes about harming those who get in the way of her needs. When Rhoda’s mother (Nancy Kelly) slowly comes to realize her daughter is a murderer, she must both confront her child as well as her own anxieties and confusions about her real biological parents. Slickly directed by Mervyn (Wizard of Oz) LeRoy, this is at times a bit too polished and stiff, creating a vacuum of overly stylized acting and situations. None of that really matters because whenever McCormick is on screen the film comes to life and builds to a shock ending that actually works. B

BLACKENSTEIN (1973) Those expecting a classic in the vein of Blacula will be sorely disappointed in this cheap howler that’s an echo of the worst (best?) of Edward D Wood Jr. After losing his arms and legs in war, Vietnam vet Eddie (Joe DeSue) is granted an experimental limb transplant by Dr. Stein (John Hart), who’s been using a special DNA serum in the reconstruction of dead human flesh. When Stein’s jealous assistant intentionally sabotages the serum, it turns Eddie into a limb-tearing monster complete with cro-magnon brow and flattop. A lack of substantial characters and situations, Blackenstein is just a series of stiff acting, terrible editing, and lackluster but graphic gore. This could be viewed as a parody, if it weren’t trying for serious scares, which, sadly, it is. C–

THE PIT (1981) This Canadian turkey is so batshit out of control you can’t take your eyes off it. 12-year-old Jamie (Sammy Snyders) is an alienating brat with no friends, has conversations with his teddy bear (which talks back!), and occasionally feeds the neighborhood bullies and old bats to the carnivorous creatures that dwell in a hole in the woods. A structural and tonal mess, the screenplay (by Ian A. Stuart) is all over the place, with a beginning that has very little context to what’s happening and feels like it should be the middle of the movie – this is mixed with moments of slapstick humor that comes out of nowhere. Yet, from beginning to end, The Pit is undeniably entertaining, with moments of such bad decision making one wonders how in the world this movie ever came to light. Add to the mix bad acting, inane dialogue, and monsters which look like cheap throwaways from Land of the Lost and you have a demented, cringe-inducing, and highly illogical flick with a confusing but satisfying ending. C+

WOLF CREEK (2005) Suspenseful Australian variation on the Texas Chainsaw mold about a trio of friends driving through isolated backcountry and unknowingly fall into a sadistic killer’s trap. Based on real events, Wolf Creek works because its basic plot is handled with care by director and writer, Greg McLean. Instead of plopping brainless characters in front of the camera and slicing them up, McLean understands the story gets more chills out of having likable, realistic people put into a pot of slowly boiling water, and in doing so creates an extremely effective little film. A surprise box-office hit, this was followed by two sequels (the third is currently in pre-production), and a television series! Good stuff, but if you’re easily rattled, this is an easy skip. B+

DEMONIA (1990) Demonia is Lucio Fulci at his creative worst. A dumb American archeologist/psychic (Meg Register) uncovers a tomb buried beneath an ancient Sicilian monastery and releases the malevolent spirits of demonic nuns who were crucified in the 1400s for Devil worship. The naughty nuns immediately go about killing the locals who’ve been keeping their murders a secret, plus a few of the dumb psychic’s friends, who’re constantly singing really annoying and badly dubbed songs around a campfire. An unimaginative plot, ugly cinematography, and lame gore sink this one. D

JEEPERS CREEPERS (2001) Jeepers Creepers offers a good monster and concept, both of which get lost in an overly complicated plot. Siblings Darry (Justin Long) and Trish (Gina Phillips) find themselves trapped in a nightmare during a spring break road trip through some backwoods when they see a mysterious figuring dumping bodies down a well. Not being very smart people, the two meddle and discover a lair full of corpses that are the food source for an ancient demonic being that must go on a feeding frenzy when it awakens every 23 years. The first hour is terrific stuff, a mix of Texas Chainsaw horror and Hitchcockian suspense. The story takes a turn with the introduction of a psychic (Patricia Belcher) – who exist solely to spew forth needless exposition – and the last 25 minutes or so turns into a rather dull shoot ’em up at a police station. Still, this is a fun movie. B–

STUDIO 666 (2022) Horror. Comedy. Gore. Foo Fighters. If these ingredients are attractive to you then you’ll want to check out Studio 666, a fun little tribute to ’80s horror. Looking for much-needed inspiration to record their 10th album, legendary rock band Foo Fighters rent a large house in Encino with a violent past to get their creative juices flowing. When band founder, Dave Grohl, discovers a strange piece of recorded music in the basement left by the previous owner – who just happened to have been possessed by demonic forces – he becomes influenced by the music’s evil presence and goes all Jack Torrence (with fangs) on his bandmates. The Evil Dead homages are loud and clear, and Grohl and gang are clearly having fun with the silly premise, wisely invoked in the screenplay (by Jeff Buhler and Rebecca Hughes, based on a story by Grohl) that sits on the same self-referential shelf as What We Do in the Shadows. Tony Gardner (The Lost Boys, Lord of Illusions) handled the gore FX and they are very inventive, with the decapitation-by-drum-cymbal a highlight. Go in with low expectations and you might be pleasantly surprised. Look for John Carpenter in a cameo. B–

WHITE OF THE EYE (1987) A visually impressive, well directed thriller in the same vein as Michael Mann’s Manhunter, which, like that film, also gets lost in its own overambitious aesthetics. Someone is killing woman within a wealthy desert community outside of Tucson, the prime suspect being an audio expert and repairman (David Keith) who had previously installed sound systems in several of the victims’ homes. Keith is excellent, and the murder scenes attain an Argento-like madness to them. However, the film fails to achieve much suspense or muster much interest towards characters who are all too cold and passive to feel sympathy for. C+