
The Last Voyage of the Demeter – 2023, US, 118m. Director: André Øvredal. Streaming: N/A
Meatcleaver Massacre – 1976, US, 75m. Director: Evan Lee (Ed Wood). Streaming: Tubi
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss – 1990, US, 97m. Director: Ron Oliver, Peter Simpson. Streaming: N/A

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER (2023) In what is the umpteenth retelling of Dracula, The Last Voyage of the Demeter separates itself from the pack by expanding on a single passage from Bram Stoker’s novel, in which the Count sails from his crumbling castle in the Carpathian Mountains to the lush English countryside. An interesting take on the story, considering most adaptations of Dracula, including the two most famous, Nosferatu (1922) and Dracula (1931), wisely bypassed the Demeter subplot—mainly because the passage is entirely incidental to the rest of the tale. Last Voyage takes the Demeter section at face value, and by doing so the movie ends up becoming a failed experiment in mundane storytelling. Despite flagrantly stating the film is based on the Stoker novel in its opening credits, the majority of Last Voyage is a creation of the filmmakers, the plot following a struggling medical doctor (Corey Hawkins) who boards the doomed vessel where he and a handful of halfwit characters must fight off the blood-drinking menace of Dracula (Javier Bolet). Unless you’re a complete novice when it comes to the Dracula legend, Last Voyage of the Demeter offers nothing new to the viewer, except a whole lotta “Who Shot John?” explanations as to why it takes nearly two hours to tell a story that barely has enough material to cover 80 minutes. Adding insult to injury, the movie throws integrity out the window by turning the survivor of the Demeter into a Van Helsingesque caricature for the sole purpose of a sequel. A tale best left to sleep with the fishes. D+

MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE (1976) The family of professor James Habif, who teaches occult history, is savagely murdered by a gang of cretinous dullards. When he learns one of the killers is a student of his, Habif summons forth an ancient Gaelic spirit called Morak to avenge his family. We’re then treated to a scene of a gang member being clawed by an invisible force, the aftermath leaving the victim looking like he has a piece of red-painted cardboard glued under his tattered shirt. The next person is smashed under the hood of a car by what looks like a demonic claw. And so forth, ad nauseam. None of this is particularly arresting, considering the lack of creativity and skill that went into this meandering production. It’s not at all surprising to find out director Evan Lee was actually Ed Wood, which would explain the movie’s overwrought melodrama and general insincerity. What meat cleavers have to do with anything in Meatcleaver Massacre is a question never answered. Maybe that’s for the best. D–

PROM NIGHT III: THE LAST KISS (1990) Since her reign of terror in Prom Night II, Prom Queen mass murderer, Mary Lou Maloney (Courtney Taylor), has been held captive in Prom Hell. After cutting through her chains with a nail file, Mary Lou heads back to haunt the hallways of Hamilton High, where she immediately begins picking off school employees in comical fashion. “It wasn’t a person. It was a guidance counselor!” Mary Lou then sets her eyes on class nerd Alex (Tim Conlon), using him as a puppet to bring her more souls for her buffet of carnage. In return, she transforms Alex into the perfect student, even allowing him to score a touchdown for the football team. Alex eventually tires of Mary Lou’s bloodshed and wants out of their demented symbiotic relationship, but not before Ms. Maloney steals Alex away to Hell—which is 1957 Hamilton High, the night Mary Lou was crowned Prom Queen. This has nothing to do with the first two Prom Nights and has more of a Nightmare on Elm Street vibe, but it’s not all bad. Taylor is funny, Conlon makes for a likable schmuck, and there are several imaginative set pieces, including a flying football that turns into a metal spike and impales the school bully. Prom Night III ultimately shoots itself in the foot by offering a clever twist ending that it drops the ball on way too quickly, leaving the viewer somewhat dissatisfied. Still, harmless fun. B–