Berserker – 1987, US, 86m. Director: Jefferson Richard.
Nail Gun Massacre – 1985, US, 85m. Director: Bill Leslie, Terry Lofton.
Revenge – 1986, US, 100m. Director: Christopher Lewis.
BERSERKER (1987) Campers venturing into Utah wilderness are murdered by the vengeful spirit of a tenth century Viking warrior in this by-the-numbers slasher. An obnoxious group of teenagers (all of whom look old enough to have teens of their own) renting a cabin in infamous Rainbow Valley are hunted and dispatched by the bloodthirsty specter, which dresses in bear skins and uses animal claws to fillet its victims for a food source. We know this because one of the dimwitted characters bores his friends (and the viewer) by reading from a book on historical Nordic cannibalism. This is followed by an equally dull scene where two old timers endlessly talk over a game of chess. In short, if you’re looking for a movie with energy, Berserker is not for you. The characters are dullards you’ll want to see splattered across the screen. Unfortunately the movie never delivers on that front, instead settling on someone off camera squirting fake blood at the actors’ faces. A bonafide turkey. D (Currently unavailable.)
NAIL GUN MASSACRE (1985) A woman is gang-raped by a group of scumbag construction workers in the opening scene. Moments later, one of the scumbags is killed by someone in a blacked out helmet, wielding a pneumatic nail gun. And that’s pretty much the plot of Nail Gun Massacre, a sleazy but fairly enjoyable low budget splatter flick shot in Texas. The next offender in the group is ambushed while peeing in the woods—he’s nail-gunned in the balls while his friend has his hand chainsawed off before receiving a round of nails to the neck. A traveling handyman and his girlfriend are slaughtered while having sex against a tree in a completely pointless but titillating moment. A construction foreman is surprised after the killer jumps out of his swimming pool and guns him down commando-style, his body falling onto a burning gas grill in the movie’s funniest scene. Much of Nail Gun Massacre is done tongue-in-cheek, lending a little more credence to the film’s excessive body count and T&A (there’s a fair amount of male nudity to balance out the equation). For those who found The Toolbox Murders to be up their alley. B– (Currently not streaming.)
REVENGE (1986) More people are butchered by the dog-worshipping cult members of Caninus in this sequel to Blood Cult (1985). The first to go is a prying reporter doing a story on the murders from the first movie—she’s sliced up the middle with a steel blade. The next to get bumped off is a farmer who’s hatcheted in the head, followed by a bird watcher whose leg is chopped off after stepping in a bear trap. The squared-jawed sibling (John Wayne’s son, Patrick) of one of the victims from Part 1 investigates his brother’s death, leading to more killings—a hot tub decapitation is the film’s bloodiest set piece—and a conspiracy involving a big shot senator (John Carradine). Who is getting revenge for what is never made clear, although one can expect a certain amount of inconsistency in low-budget splatter movie-making. But what’s more troubling is the fact Revenge is sparse with the red stuff, the main ingredient that made Blood Cult such a video rental success back in the day. Much like the bulk of director-writer Christopher Lewis’s features, Revenge has its share of characterization and story structure, making it all the more disappointing with an ending so ludicrously overblown one wonders if it was all just a joke on the filmmaker’s part. Carradine reads from cue cards and Wayne Jr. mugs for the camera. C (Currently not streaming.)