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Barn of the Naked Dead, Dance of the Damned, The Nesting

The Barn of the Naked Dead – 1973, US, 86m. Director: Alan Rudolph.

Dance of the Damned – 1989, US, 82m. Director: Katt Shea.

The Nesting – 1981, US, 104m. Director: Armand Weston.

THE BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD (1973) (AKA: Terror Circus) Maniacal mama’s boy Andrew Prine, who sees himself as a sort of P.T. Barnum, kidnaps young women and keeps them chained up in his barn as part of a demented circus. Prine tortures the women (who he refers to as animals) into performing acts for his sick pleasure, which includes psychological and physical abuse—and dousing one victim in cow’s blood and setting her free while his pet mountain lion gives chase. Andrew’s mental capacity (what little is left of it) collapses and he becomes convinced one of the women is dear old Mom, who abandoned him when he was a kid. Prine’s antics are ultimately stopped after the arrival of his even crazier, mutated father, who rips Prine to pieces before running off into the sunset. A sleazy and depressing film that’s not the overzealous splatter movie its title suggests. C

DANCE OF THE DAMNED (1989) A lonely vampire (Cyril O’Reilly) sporting a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet and looking for a mate finds a potential candidate in suicidal stripper Starr Andreeff. O’Reilly takes her back to his windowless Art Deco home, where he tries to seduces her into a world of eternal darkness before she pumps a round of bullets into his chest. Even after the bullets bounce off him and he flashes his fangs, Andreeff asks, “What are you?” O’Reilly is clearly not after her mind. The vampire exploits Andreeff’s estranged relationship with her son in order to lure her into his arms, but the experience only makes her want to live. After an all-night on-and-off brawl, O’Reilly’s human sensitivities emerge and he sacrifices himself in sunlight in a ridiculous ending that gives new meaning to anticlimactic. There’s less skin and violence than you’d expect from a production that looks like it was made for the Skinemax generation. Instead, writer/director Katt Shea (Poison Ivy) focuses on the characters, who are portrayed surprisingly well by good actors. With a little more polishing Dance of the Damned could have been a decent film. Unfortunately, it comes off more as second-rate Anne Rice. C

THE NESTING (1981) Nervous big city writer Robin Groves moves into a remote country home hoping it will cure her agoraphobia, unaware the place is infested with the angry spirits of its former occupants. Groves is inexplicably drawn to the Victorian building through a series of unexplained visions until the old “I’ve been here before” motif comes into play. Bumps in the night and visitations from ghosts send Groves to the brink of insanity—and viewers to the realization that the makers of this clinker have seen The Shining one too many times. The screenplay tries for more of a psychological edge, but its failure is in its lack of sympathetic characters worth caring about—like the film itself, Groves is often cold and alienating. There is a brooding atmosphere and a couple of lively murders (the scythe-to-the-face is a highlight), but the sluggish pacing makes the 104-minute running time seem like two hours. C

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Abby, Headhunter, Nightmare City

Abby – 1974, US, 89m. Director: William Girdler.

Headhunter – 1988, South Africa, 92m. Director: Francis Schaeffer.

Nightmare City – 1980, Italy/Spain, 88m. Director: Umberto Lenzi.

ABBY (1974) During an excavation in Africa, an archeologist (William Marshall) unwittingly releases a malevolent demon that turns his daughter-in-law, Abby (Carol Speed), into a hot-tempered, sex-starved maniac. Abby’s possession is gradual, and forces the young woman to perform bizarre acts of self-harm with a carving knife, lose her temper at church by attacking a man, and scare an elderly neighbor to death. Marshall, who moonlights as a priest, is called back to American to perform an exorcism, with predictably messy results. If the plot sounds strangely familiar it’s because Abby is one of the first of the Exorcist rip-offs—it was released less than a year after the William Friedkin film. Abby was successful enough at recreating the ’73 movie that Warner Bros. sued American International Pictures (the company that released Abby theatrically) and had the film removed from theaters. Whether Abby is a rip-off or an African American remake is up for debate—but there’s no denying it’s a fun movie that, as of this writing, is commercially unavailable. B–

HEADHUNTER (1988) Some sort of spirit-demon is running around Miami, chopping off the heads of African immigrants who’ve escaped to America to dodge a voodoo curse. Straight-laced cop Kay Lenz and her hot-headed partner Wayne Crawford are assigned to the case, which is complicated by Crawford’s lack of emotional stability due to a dissolving marriage. Lenz and Crawford seek advice from a local shaman and expert on African religion—he’s later found beheaded. The spirit possesses the ability to mimic voices and sets a trap for Lenz in a scene exhibiting atmosphere and tension that’s not to be found in the rest of the film. The heroes ultimately find themselves at a complete loss and, in a desperate act of survival, use axes and chainsaws to dismember the demon in the bloody climax. Had the filmmakers pumped as much energy into the first 80 minutes as they did the frantic ending, Headhunter could have been a tasty little treat. They didn’t, and it’s not. Shot mostly in South Africa. C

NIGHTMARE CITY (1980) (AKA: City of the Walking Dead; Nightmare in a Contaminated City) A military airplane exposed to toxic radiation turns its commuters into disfigured blood-eaters in this hilariously over-the-top European production. The contamination spreads as the zombies annihilate everyone in their path, including a bunch of Solid Gold-like dancers who are, in the movie’s funniest scene, slaughtered on live TV. The ghouls here are a more intelligent form of zombie—most of the walking dead are smarter than the living characters—as they go about cutting phone lines and using machine guns and other weapons to take down their prey. One zombie manually lowers a stalled elevator to a floor full of his hungry comrades who turn the lift into an all-you-can-eat buffet. The film culminates in a battle of humans vs. zombies at an amusement park that’s surprisingly intense—and apparently just the dream of the protagonist (Hugo Stiglitz), who wakes up just as his girlfriend is about to meet her maker. An appropriate ending to this utterly bizarre but very entertaining hack job. B

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Legend of Boggy Creek and Sequels

The Legend of Boggy Creek – 1972, US, 87m. Director: Charles B. Pierce.

Return to Boggy Creek – 1977, US, 84m. Director: Tom Moore.

Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues – 1983, US, 92m. Director: Charles B. Pierce.

THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK (1972) Independent filmmaker Charles B. Pierce single-handedly created a cottage industry with this mockumentary about a Bigfoot-like creature that stalks the surrounding swamps of a small Arkansas town. The film’s gimmick is its documentary-style presentation, featuring interviews with fishermen, hunters, and other citizens who claim to have encountered the “Fouke Monster.” Many of the stories are recreated quite effectively—the film’s grainy, low-budget quality give these scenes an unnerving detail. Although often hokey, it’s Boggy Creek‘s sense of realism that makes the movie work, and provides an element that would ultimately be influential on the television series In Search Of… as well as the found-footage subgenre revolutionized with The Blair Witch Project. A surprise hit, this was followed by an unauthorized sequel in 1977 (Return to Boggy Creek), and a legitimate one directed by Pierce in 1983, apply titled Boggy Creek II. Ironically, neither subsequent film was made in documentary fashion. B

RETURN TO BOGGY CREEK (1977) Soggy, family-friendly sequel to Charles B. Pierce’s creepy Legend of Boggy Creek (1972) about the adventures of a Sasquatch monster haunting a fishing community. In the Pierce film, the aggressive creature is referred to as the Fouke Monster because of its close proximity to Fouke, Arkansas. In Return to Boggy Creek the creature is called “Big Bay-Ty” and is more of a misunderstood gentle giant that goes out of its way to rescue a trio of kids caught in a storm while on a wilderness excursion. Competently acted—Dawn Wells of Gilligan’s Island and Dana Plato of Diff’rent Strokes play mother and daughter—but about as exciting as watching paint dry. Years later, Pierce himself would make his own sequel with Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues, which completely (and wisely) ignores this movie. D+

BOGGY CREEK II: AND THE LEGEND CONTINUES (1983) An anthropology professor and three students investigate claims of the Boggy Creek monster in this direct sequel to the 1972 cult favorite The Legend of Boggy Creek. The sequel ignores the documentary-style presentation of the earlier film but offers flashback sequences of creature attacks narrated by the professor (director Charles B. Pierce), none of which contain the atmospheric effectiveness of Legend of Boggy Creek—there are so many close-ups of the monster that it’s obvious it’s an actor in a mask. The scenes with the monster have an undeniably cheesy charm, but whenever the beast isn’t on screen the movie plods. And 92 minutes is a lot of Boggy time to fill. Better than Return to Boggy Creek, but not by much. C

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The Alien Dead, The Great Alligator, The Sinister Urge

The Alien Dead – 1980, US, 74m. Director: Fred Olen Ray.

The Great Alligator – 1979, Italy, 89m. Director: Sergio Marinto.

The Sinister Urge – 1960, US, 70m. Director: Edward D. Wood. Jr.

THE ALIEN DEAD (1980) The residents of Deep South swamp country are turned into cannibalistic ghouls after coming into contact with a crashed meteor. The first victims are a couple of twang-talkin’ gator poachers who are pulled into the water and resurface with their faces eaten off. A man chopping wood is ripped apart by a quartet of zombies; his wife later stumbles upon his top half being devoured by the cannibals. She’s bumped off in the movie’s most infamous scene, impaled with a three-pronged pitchfork—as four prongs come out her back. The redneck sheriff (Buster Crabbe) thinks it’s the work of a rogue gator, despite the fact there hasn’t been a gator sighting in weeks—because they’ve been eaten by the zombies! Former Flash Gordon Crabbe flubs his lines; bombshell Linda Lewis emerges from the swamp soaking wet and a few seconds later is bone-dry; several of the alien dead have mutated gray faces, yet their arms and hands retain a normal skin complexion; a victim laughs while being chomped on by a zombie. In other words, it’s a typical Fred Olen Ray production, which is atypical of most other filmmakers. Still, this is an enjoyable slack-jawed blunder that would pair nicely with the similar bargain basement production, Bloodeaters (1980). B–

THE GREAT ALLIGATOR (1979) Tourists at a South Asian resort are gobbled up by a large crocodile in this Italian potpourri of Jaws, Piranha, and many other eco-terrors of the late seventies. Fashion photographer Claudio Cassinelli seeks help from a jungle tribe that worships the massive reptile as a god after one of Cassinelli’s models is eaten by the beast. Mel Ferrer, who plays the Mayor Vaughn-like owner of the resort, dismisses the killer croc theory and ends up turning his customers into croc chow. James Bond beauty Barbara Bach spends most of the film wet and bra-less, making her the perfect sacrificial offering for the great crocodile, the creature effect for which looks like a static, plastic toy. The Great Alligator might not be as bad as the similar Crocodile (1979), but it’s also not nearly as much fun as the gorier Killer Crocodile (1989). C–

THE SINISTER URGE (1960) Before he moved into the world of softcore porn, Z-movie king Edward D. Wood, Jr. took one last stab at “legitimate” filmmaking with this highly moronic “thriller” about a deranged idiot (Dino Fantini in a ridiculous pompadour) whose lust for killing is triggered by smut films. The underground smut racket is run by a tough-talkin’ bombshell (Jean Fontaine) who’s more concerned with her business than the safety of her models, who are being bumped off in record numbers. Narratively feeble and atrociously acted, but not containing any of the campy charm of Wood’s earlier duds. This makes Reefer Madness look good by comparison. A real stinkaroo. F

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Bloodsuckers from Outer Space, Four Flies on Grey Velvet, Slashdance

Bloodsuckers from Outer Space – 1984, US, 79m. Director: Glen Coburn.

Four Flies on Grey Velvet – 1971, Italy, 104m. Director: Dario Argento.

Slashdance – 1989, US, 83m. Director: James Shyman.

BLOODSUCKERS FROM OUTER SPACE (1984) A farming community is invaded by an alien presence that turns the residents into bloodsucking mutants. The police are baffled when bodies start piling up, drained of blood. A hillbilly called Buford thinks “Satan-worshipping homos” are responsible, but a more intelligent perspective is sought by a wannabe photojournalist (Thom Meyers). Scientists try to study a captured bloodsucker but that proves fruitless when the Army is called in and wishes to lay waste to the land with nukes. Meyers discovers some family members have become bloodsuckers—in self-defense he cuts off his uncle’s arm, which gushes blood from a stump that resembles ground beef. Meyers then turns into a regular Ash Williams from Evil Dead and uses a chainsaw to remove the head of a bloodsucker decked out in trucker’s cap and overalls. In what can only be a homage to Boris Sagal’s The Omega Man, a smart bloodsucker teaches the prophetic ways of inevitable doom for all mankind by promising divine intervention. If anything, Bloodsuckers from Outer Space proves to be an amusing send-up of Night of the Living Dead, made by people who have an idea or two in their heads. B–

FOUR FLIES ON GREY VELVET (1971) Drummer Michael Brandon gets mixed up in the lurid activities of a masked psycho who blackmails the musician for murder. Photos of the killing show up at Brandon’s home and puts his sourpuss wife (Mimsy Farmer) on edge, which is exacerbated by the sudden murder of their nosy housekeeper. More dead bodies—and a lack of clues—lead police to use a form of pseudoscience involving the extraction of the last image seen by one of the victims, in hopes to getting a glimpse of the killer. The end result is less sensational than you’d expect from such a polished production, most of which works because of filmmaker Dario Argento’s keen eye for making absurd situations feel grounded. Stylistically, the film is on the same level as Argento’s Bird with the Crystal Plumage, but narratively Four Flies on Grey Velvet suffers from a plodding pace and an unconvincing performance by Brandon, who comes off as a selfish jerk. A slick but vacant thriller. C+

SLASHDANCE (1989) One part slasher movie, another part musical-comedy, and all bad. After a failed bust involving two female drug dealers who look like leftovers from a Russ Meyer flick, a Los Angeles cop (Cindy Ferda) is given a dead-end undercover assignment to find several missing Jennifer Beal wannabes. Since we already know these women are dead—one gets her throat cut while auditioning for a shadowy individual—the script skips on mystery and tries to function as a comedy by introducing bawdy John Waters-like characters, including a goldfish-eating stagehand, and a gay theater director who moonlights as a flasher. The plot is skimpier than a leotard, with the screenplay spending a lot of time on the backstage antics of theater life instead of shedding more blood. The only piece of clever writing in the entire movie comes in the form of a maladjusted misfit who pretends to stab himself with a prop knife, unaware the killer had already swapped it for a real one. But that’s low compensation for having to sit through this flop. D–

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Bloody Murder, The Burning, Rats: Night of Terror

Bloody Murder – 2000, US, 87m. Director: Ralph E. Portillo.

The Burning – 1981, US, 91m. Director: Tony Maylam.

Rats: Night of Terror – 1984, France/Italy, 97m. Director: Bruno Mattei, Claudio Fragasso.

BLOODY MURDER (2000) Teenagers readying a summer camp for the upcoming season are menaced by a hockey mask-wearing killer in this micro-budgeted homage to slasher movies of the 1980s, specifically Friday the 13th. In fact, Bloody Murder follows the Friday mold to a tee, including the camp’s history of unsolved murders, the legend of an unstoppable killer, and the crazy old doomsayer who warns the teens of inevitable death. In typical fashion, the teens ignore the adults and are picked off by the maniac—and that’s where Bloody Murder unfortunately degenerates into yet another Scream wannabe as characters start referencing horror movies while trying to figure out who the mystery killer is by blaming each other. But unlike the energetic teens in Scream (or even Friday the 13th), the ones in Bloody Murder are so devoid of personality they blend together; the only way of telling them apart is by the clothes they’re wearing. Despite its title, the film features a substantial lack of blood, which isn’t even the worst aspect of Bloody Murder—it’s deathly dull. D

THE BURNING (1981) The campers of Camp Stonewater fall victim to a sadistic killer who wields a pair of extra-large hedge shears and has an insatiable appetite for young blood. The madman (a former camp custodian who, years earlier, was hideously scarred by fire as the result of a teen prank gone awry) isn’t unmasked until the final five minutes, but his deformity is the gruesome creation of Tom Savini and won’t disappoint splatter fans. Up until then, the killer (Lou David) hacks up the majority of the cast, including soon-to-be famous Fisher Stevens, Holly Hunter, and Jason Alexander of Seinfeld fame (Stevens gets it the worst by having his fingers severed and his throat sliced open). In typical slasher fashion, David gets his in the end when the hero slams an axe into his head, then lights the guy on fire for the second time. What sets The Burning apart from other Friday the 13th clones is that it’s actually good—a fact that has kept the film a fan favorite since the eighties. The Burning was ignored during its original release because its direct competitor, Friday the 13th Part 2, opened the week before. The movie is now considered a genre classic. Atmospheric and genuinely scary—a must-see for the slasher completist. B+

RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR (1984) (AKA: The Rats) I can only assume the makers of this doomsday bloodbath are fans of The Road Warrior and Escape from New York since the majority of their characters are leather-clad survivalists living in a post-apocalyptic world. Unfortunately for the viewer, the filmmakers (Bruno Mattei and Claudio Fragasso) are not George Miller or John Carpenter—Mattei and Fragasso previously collaborated on the disposable Romero ripoff, Hell of the Living Dead (1980)—and Rats: Night of Terror, while admittedly fun, is far removed from quality storytelling. A small group of bandits in 225 A.B. (After the Bomb) discover an abandoned laboratory crawling with flesh-eating rats. One rat chews its way into a woman, and to the horror of her friends emerges from inside her mouth. Another has his face clawed to a bloody pulp and is set afire by a flamethrower. But the best gag comes in the form of a walking corpse the rats use as a marionette before exploding out of the dead guy’s back, a nice touch to this dumb but entertaining European trash epic. B–

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Blood Beach, High Desert Kill, Tower of Evil

Blood Beach – 1980, US, 85m. Director: Jeffrey Bloom.

High Desert Kill – 1989, US, 90m. Director: Harry Falk.

Tower of Evil – 1972, UK, 89m. Director: Jim O’Connolly.

BLOOD BEACH (1980) A subterranean creature is pulling beachgoers into the sand and to their demise in this cheap offshoot of Jaws. The public is put on alert after a dog is found with its head bitten off, but that doesn’t stop the masses from frolicking on the seashore and meeting a bloody end, the majority of victims being bikini-clad beauties. The movie’s high body count doesn’t keep Blood Beach from feeling stale, although the film is not without humor—the scene where a rapist gets his schlong torn off by the beast is amusing. When we finally see the creature it comes off as an oversized Venus flytrap. The movie’s tagline—”Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water… you can’t get to it!”—turns out to be the best thing about this snoozer, which was a mild box office success when released in 1981 by New York City distributer Jerry Gross (I Spit on Your Grave, The Boogey Man). C–

HIGH DESERT KILL (1989) Three friends (Marc Singer, Micah Grant, Anthony Geary) get sucked into an alien mind control experiment while on a hunting excursion in the New Mexico desert. A lack of wildlife is the first sign of danger our callous protagonists ignore. The men meet an old timer (Chuck Conners) whose horses mysteriously disappear into thin air. Two female campers become sexed up nymphs and turn the men’s camp site into an orgy of drinking and fornicating—viewers expecting some titillation in the form of T&A will be disappointed because High Desert Kill was made for network television. Upon returning from hunting Singer stumbles upon his friends eating the raw remains of a bear. The alien takes the form of Grant’s deceased uncle and watches from a distance as the characters become increasingly paranoid and go for each other’s throats—until Scientist Geary realizes they’re “rats in a cage.” When rifles don’t work the men use mind warfare against the alien in the foolish climax. Up to that point the movie is engaging, well acted, and nicely paced. B–

TOWER OF EVIL (1972) (AKA: Beyond the Fog; Horror of Snape Island) The inexplicable massacre of several people on Snape Island ignites interest in a group of treasure seekers who believe the place is loaded with gold. Once they arrive shore they too are systematically slaughtered. The main plot is briefly overlaid with flashbacks of the earlier murders so the viewer isn’t kept waiting around for the gory action, which the film delivers in spades. A man is pinned to the wall with a spear right before his girlfriend is beheaded—her head is later seen rolling down a staircase in a genuinely shocking moment. Another man is butchered with a scythe after skinny dipping, his hand getting lopped off in extreme close-up. The decomposing corpse of the lighthouse keeper’s wife is found next to a smashed radio and eliminating any chance for the characters to call for help. Tower of Evil is a nonsensical but highly atmospheric splatter flick that gained some notoriety when it was reissued in 1980 as Beyond the Fog in order to capitalize off a certain John Carpenter film. B–

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Fade to Black, The Last Horror Film, Watchers

Fade to Black – 1980, US, 102m. Director: Vernon Zimmerman.

The Last Horror Film – 1982, US, 87m. Director: David Winter.

Watchers – 1988, Canada/US, 91m. Director: Jon Hess.

FADE TO BLACK (1980) Movie lover and perpetual screw-up Eric Binford (Dennis Christopher) grows tired of being everybody’s punching bag—although, frankly, he deserves it—and switches careers from stock boy to serial killer. Eric’s first victim is his wheelchair-bound aunt, who he pushes down a flight of stairs after she destroys his film projector showing Henry Hathaway’s Kiss of Death. Eric adopts the personalities of his favorite movie characters (Cody Jarrett from White Heat, Count Dracula, etc.) and goes after those who make his life hell, including a brutish coworker (Mickey Rourke), and a stuck-up prostitute who embarrassed Eric for a lack of funds. In the film’s most ridiculous scene, Eric embodies the personality of James Cagney from the gangster film Taxi by driving around in a 1931 Pontiac and mowing down a room full of people with a Tommy gun and quoting, “You dirty rat!” How a flake like Eric obtained a working Tommy gun is anyone’s guess. Fade to Black is supposed to be a comedy but it’s too derivative and silly to be funny, and comes off as refried junk food for those with short attention spans. C–

THE LAST HORROR FILM (1982) Vinny Durand (Joe Spinell), a delusional, movie-obsessed cab driver, travels to the Cannes Film Festival, where anyone who gets in the way of his dream of making a horror movie with actress Jana Bates (Caroline Munro) meets an untimely death. A pompous director gets his head cut off after denying Vinny access to Jana. A producer is trapped in a screening room and hacked to pieces with a hatchet. Vinny finally gets a hold of Jana, but she manages to escape and runs into the streets where hordes of pedestrians cheer on what they believe is a publicity stunt—which causes Vinny to stop and bow to his “audience.” The Last Horror Film is a slasher movie but it’s also a self-reflective parody that satirizes not only the horror genre but Hollywood and fame, and does it fairly well. While abundant, the splatter isn’t quite up to par with Maniac (1980)—Last Horror Film was apparently promoted in parts of Europe as Maniac 2!—but there is a gruesome disemboweling, courtesy of a chainsaw; an appropriate gore-filled ending to this fun, if not entirely convincing, spectacle. B–

WATCHERS (1988) A genetically modified humanoid designed for killing escapes from an experimental laboratory along with its psychically-linked dog. The creature smashes into a barn and mauls a farmer to death while the golden retriever runs into the arms of a teen (Corey Haim), who hides the dog not only from the monster but from the secret organization tracking it. The humanoid hunts Haim to a high school and slaughters a teacher and custodian—the “watcher” has a penchant for gouging out its victims eyes—before the local police wise up to the sight of mangled bodies and bring out the shotguns. The stone-cold tracker (an appropriately cast Michael Ironside) of the creature is so hellbent on keeping the experiment a secret that he cuts the sheriff’s throat with a shard of glass for asking too many questions. Haim holds up in a woodsy shack with the pooch, and acts as if he’s in a Rambo movie by tossing homemade grenades and Molotov cocktails at the beast (the makeup for which looks like a shag rug glued onto a baboon mask). Mildly entertaining, but only ever slightly. Oscar-winning screenwriter Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby) had his name credited as Paul Freed after removing himself from Watchers during the 1988 writers strike. C+

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Happy Birthday to Me, Hell’s Trap, Macabre

Happy Birthday to Me – 1981, Canada, 110m. Director: J. Lee Thompson.

Hell’s Trap – 1989, Mexico, 90m. Director: Pedro Galindo III.

Macabre – 1980, Italy, 89m. Director: Lamberto Bava.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (1981) An overbearingly silly Halloween/Friday the 13th hybrid that actually has more in common with Scooby-Doo—but on a less entertaining level. The snotty high school friends of distraught Virginia (Melissa Sue Anderson), who’s still traumatized over a childhood incident, are being slaughtered in the days leading up to her birthday. A French exchange student has his face shoved into the spinning wheel of a dirt bike after stealing a pair of Virginia’s underwear. The jock of the group gets crushed under his own bench press. The best death in the film features a shish kebab skewer, complete with marinated steak chunks, being shoved into a victim’s mouth. The culprit removes the bodies after each kill and, judging from the speed with which they wipe down the crime scene should be placed in the Guinness Book of World Records. The fact that a majority of their friends have disappeared doesn’t stop Virginia and gang from partying and acting like general nincompoops—especially Virginia, who spends most of the movie pouting and/or complaining. The most convoluted part of the screenplay comes during the third act when the killer’s identity and motivation are revealed in a scene that will have you moaning in disbelief. Polished direction by Hollywood vet J. Lee Thompson (Cape Fear), but in the end you’ll feel like you’ve just been ripped off by a pro. C–

HELL’S TRAP (1989) A group of not-too-bright individuals competing in a bear-hunting stunt end up prey to a deranged killer stalking the area. The masked madman uses a series of tunnels to sneak up on his victims, and an arsenal of weapons to maim them with, including a Freddy Krueger-like razor glove and the old standby, bow-and-arrow. The survivors try to escape via pickup but are thwarted by the killer, whose quick and agile movements would give even John Rambo competition. Despite being supplied with rifles, the callous characters fail to eliminate the threat: an ex-soldier of war who believes he’s still in Vietnam—who, when the slashing fails, brings out a machine gun in an appropriately blood-spattered sequence. There’s nothing particularly exceptional about Hell’s Trap, but the film is made with a high amount of energy and style that keeps things moving at a good pace up until its (literally) explosive finale. In all, an enjoyably cockamamie Mexican slasher. B–

MACABRE (1980) An adulterous housewife (Bernice Stegers)—who left her children home alone so she could spend the afternoon in coitus—is put through the wringer when both her son and lover die on the same day. Stegers then moves into the apartment she used for her secret sexual rendezvous and slowly loses her marbles while, like Norman Bates with his mother, continues to carry out a relationship with her deceased lover. The place’s blind landlord (Stanko Molnar) forms an infatuation with Stegers, which turns to jealously after nightly sounds of lovemaking emanate from her apartment. This Italian psychological chiller has Hitchcockian vibes—thanks to the last reel’s shocking reveal—but it’s really nothing more than a lurid (and entertaining) exploitation vehicle made for the splatter crowd. Director Lamberto Bava (Demons) is the son of legendary filmmaker Mario Bava, and judging from this polished production, the kid learned well. B–

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The Beyond, Forever Evil, Nightmare Sisters

The Beyond – 1981, Italy, 87m. Director: Lucio Fulci.

Forever Evil – 1987, US, 107m. Director: Roger Evans.

Nightmare Sisters – 1988, US, 83m. Director: David DeCoteau.

THE BEYOND (1981) (AKA: 7 Doors of Death) Once again the dreaded gates to Hell have been opened and expelled the living dead in this companion piece to Lucio Fulci’s equally blood-strewn City of the Living Dead (1980). The revamping of a New Orleans hotel that, decades earlier, was the scene of a brutal murder spells doom for its new owner (Catriona MacColl) and anyone who comes into contact with the cursed building—including a hapless plumber who has his eyes gouged out by a demonic hand that emerges from behind a melting wall. The hotel’s blind gatekeeper tries to warn MacColl of the place’s hellish history but is dismissed and has her throat torn open by her own seeing eye dog. Eventually, in the movie’s super-splattery climax, a horde of zombies descends upon a hospital, where our protagonists are trapped. Narratively, The Beyond makes little sense and is often disjointed—although it works rather well in terms of the plot and immerses the viewer in a nightmarish, otherworldly atmosphere. But Fulci knows audiences come to a movie like The Beyond expecting a certain level of special effects, and the director doesn’t disappoint, offering, on more than one occasion, his trademark popped-eyeball gag. It’s not a perfect movie in any way, but as a genuine work of horror filmmaking, The Beyond excels. B+

FOREVER EVIL (1987) Forever Evil is an interesting concept trapped in a listless production. Friends gathered at a woodsy lake house are butchered by supernatural boogeymen, one of which looks like a zombie leftover from Romero’s Day of the Dead. The only survivor of the massacre is enlisted by a woman with similar experiences to help figure out who or what is responsible for the murders. Why it takes nearly an hour to get down to brass tacks—the events are emanating from a creature of pre-history called Yog Kothag, which the filmmakers keep off screen—is just one of many frustrating elements of the screenplay, which despite touching on some Lovecraftian topics can’t distinguish itself from being just another Evil Dead rip-off. A missed opportunity which, if edited down from its lengthy 107-minutes, could have made for a passable time-waster—but as is, it’s just a waste of time. D+

NIGHTMARE SISTERS (1988) Three mousy sorority sisters are turned into sexed-up succubi after performing a séance with a cursed crystal ball. The women are portrayed by ‘80s scream queens Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer, so the movie’s predominately silly premise works, thanks to the actress’ comedic chemistry. Once the ladies are changed into nymphos, the plot consists of the busty trio seducing (usually topless) their male cohorts into bed and sucking out their souls by feeding off their tallywackers. No, seriously. The evil—looking and sounding like a Deadite leftover from Evil Dead II—is eventually expelled from the women by a bargain basement exorcist and, to the delight of the remaining virginal frat brothers, they still retain their magical bustlines. If anything, Nightmare Sisters offers a harmless, albeit moronic, viewing experience for the ‘80s nostalgia connoisseur. C+