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Special Guest Review of the CHILD’S PLAY Series, Part 1

By Frank Pittarese

Child’s Play (1988) Serial killer Charles Lee Ray (a.k.a. the Lakeshore Strangler) is shot in a toy store by a detective — but before dying, he transfers his soul into a Good Guys doll using a voodoo spell. The doll makes its way to the home of little Andy Barclay and within 15 minutes, Chucky begins a spree of murder and terror. And of course, nobody believes Andy when he blames his doll. This is the best of the series. The cast is great. The endearing Catherine Hicks plays Andy’s frantic mom, Chris Sarandon is a disbelieving detective (until he learns otherwise), and Alex Vincent plays six-year-old Andy. As far as child actors go, Vincent isn’t show-bizzy at all. Some of his line deliveries are rough, but he feels like a real kid (and sort of a dumb one at that). It becomes very easy to worry about the squirt as danger unfolds.

This movie was made long before CGI was a thing, and a team of nine puppeteers, child actors, and little people bring Chucky to glorious life. Brad Dourif provides Chucky’s voice (and still does) but here’s a bit of trivia: Chucky was originally voiced by Jessica Walter(!), who was replaced after the movie bombed in a test screening (30 minutes of footage was also cut). This series has its ups and downs (more of the latter, I guess), and it perpetually goes off the rails as the series becomes more “comedic,” but Chucky is such a little asshole that I can’t help but love him, so I’m a fan. Grade: A-

Child’s Play 2 (1990) In the aftermath of the first movie, Andy’s mom is under psychiatric observation (we never see her again) and Andy is in foster care. Meanwhile, the Play Pals Corporation rebuilds Chucky, and he promptly runs amok, going on a murder spree as he tries to get hold of Andy. This is a decent sequel, but they’re already slipping into repetition. Expect another round of “Chucky did it!” as Andy gets blamed (again) for Chucky’s crimes. Christine Elise (Emily Valentine on Beverly Hills 90210) adds some flavor as Kyle, a teenage foster kid and ally to Andy, but it’s mostly a by-the-numbers slasher movie. The real highlight here is the showdown in a toy factory, as Andy and Kyle not only try to survive Chucky, but avoid the deadly doll-making machinery. It’s a strong set piece/climax that really saves an average movie. Grade: B

Child’s Play 3 (1991) Eight years after the last movie, the Play Pals Corporation is back in business — and thanks to blood dripping into a vat of plastic, Chucky is reborn. Meanwhile, 16-year-old Andy Barclay has been shipped off to a military academy after flunking out of foster care. Once again, Chucky pursues Andy, desperate for a human body. But there’s a new kid on the scene, played by THE MOST ANNOYING CHILD ACTOR EVER, and Chucky decides he wants an upgrade.

Three movies in and this franchise is on shaky ground. This is the third time we’re seeing the same basic story — and while that worked for almost a dozen Friday the 13th and a whole bunch of Elm Streets, this premise doesn’t have as much…range? By tying Chucky so tightly to Andy, the story has nowhere to go. So again, Chucky commits acts of mayhem and ruins Andy’s life. Again, Chucky chants his little body-swapping spell. And it’s all a drag this time because the setting is so awful. Asshole characters abound (including a ridiculously cartoonish barber played by Hellraiser’s Andrew Robinson), and the sympathetic ones are dull at best, but really sort of annoying. It’s not unwatchable, it’s just mediocre. Except for THE MOST ANNOYING CHILD ACTOR EVER. He is unwatchable. The franchise needs a hard kick in the ass, and for better or worse, that kick is coming… Grade: C+

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the Child’s Play reviews!

Please follow Frank Pittarese on Instagram and Twitter.

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Mini-Reviews: COUNT YORGA, THE SIGNAL, THIRTEEN WOMEN, and WHITE NOISE

Count Yorga, Vampire (1970) This slick production is one of the more satisfying vampire films of the ’70s. Robert Quarry is first-rate as the Hungarian Count Yorga who, shortly after immigrating to Los Angeles, starts mingling and then preying on a group of college hippies. Fast-paced and surprisingly scary at times, this is worth seeing just for Quarry’s seductive performance. B+

Thirteen Women (1932) A pre-code supernatural slasher that predicted future films like Final Destination about a group of school friends whom all receive ominous horoscopes from a mysterious psychic that foresee their untimely demises. Based on a novel, this is a surprisingly gruesome movie for its time and doesn’t shy away from the violence, including an intense opening in which a circus trapeze act goes horrible wrong. Apparently several scenes were cut before the film was released, which would explain why we only meet a handful of women and not the thirteen as promised; this is still worth checking out and at just 60 minutes, it’s a quick little gem. B

The Signal (2008) A variation on the zombie movie about an unknown radio signal that turns most of the population of a city into maniacal/delusional murderers. Segmented into three parts directed by different filmmakers (David Bruckner, Jacob Gentry, Dan Bush), the film achieves a moderate level of suspense in the first story but is hindered by a dull middle half filled with uninteresting characters and annoying plot devices. C

White Noise (2005) After the accidental death of his wife, Anna (Chandra West), an architect (Michael Keaton) is confronted by a stranger (Ian McNiece) who claims Anna has been sending him messages via EVP. Desperate to communicate with her, Keaton starts experimenting with radio waves and unleashing malignant entities that start wrecking havoc in his life. Shades of J-horror can be seen in this supernatural tale that was most likely inspired by the then-recent popularity of Japanese films Ring and Ju-on. It might not be original but this is decent stuff with a likable character in Keaton and some creepy moments. B–

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Mini-Reviews: Found Footage Edition – “No, sir. I didn’t like it!”

Aliens: Zone of Silence (2017) A young woman (Sarah Hester) ventures into a section of Mexican desert known as the “Zone of Silence,” a UFO hotspot where her brother was last seen before mysteriously vanishing. Written and directed by Hollywood visual FX producer Andy Fowler, Zone of Silence is essentially Blair Witch with aliens, but the end result isn’t quite worth the long, tedious build up. C 

Atrocious (2010) While on vacation in a small seaside town with their parents, two teens investigate a local urban legend of a ghost that will only appear to someone after they get lost in the nearby woods. When things start to go bump in the night, the teens dig deeper and discover the sinister truth. Coming in off the heels of REC, this Spanish POV chiller manages to create a creepy atmosphere and a few chills, but it takes way too long for anything truly interesting to happen and by the time the truth is revealed it comes off as moot. C

Dark Attachment (2017) A father and son come to believe their home is haunted and call upon the help of a kooky medium (Madam Della) to cleanse their house. A pathetic and lazy attempt at mimicking Paranormal Activity (it makes Paranormal Entity look like The Exorcist), this features zero story structure, incompetent direction – and it took four people: Hunter and Jerry Burkhead, Della, and Dennis Miller, Jr. – and rock bottom FX (watch out for that fishing line!). Ed Wood made better films than this! F

Ghoul (2015) Atmospheric but empty found footage about a small group of American filmmakers doing a documentary on a deceased Ukrainian cannibal and, as a joke, ask a medium to invoke his spirit but accidentally summon something far more sinister. Good acting and a sense of impending doom help the movie overcome its lack of any real scares and the always annoying FF trope of characters who, when in doubt, endlessly scream at each other. Only the final ten minutes has any real flare to it. C–

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007) A second-rate geek show of shoddy filmmaking, this Saw reject is so desperate to shock you that it forgets to tell a compelling story. The movie is essentially just a series of “disturbing” scenes of torture and violence wrapped in a weak police investigation plot, in which we’re forced to watch endless interviews with some of the hammiest actors alive – I’ve seen more convincing acting in school plays. Tacky, tasteless, and dull. D

Unknown Visitor (2021) A 50-minute short movie seen entirely through the fish lens camera of a doorbell security system, in which a couple are receiving nightly visitations from a strange woman. What could have been an interesting idea for a much shorter YouTube video is stretched thin with cardboard characters and cockamamie plot twists. C

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Mini-Reviews: THE STRANGERS and PREY AT NIGHT

The Strangers (2008) An annoying couple (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) returning home late at night from a wedding are terrorized by three masked sociopaths who try to get inside their house. Writer-director Bryan Bertino does a good job at building tension within the first 30 minutes, but it unfortunately escalates into a nonsensical game of cat-and-mouse. It’s all executed handsomely and filled with gimmicky thrills, but, you can’t help feel as if you’ve been cheated by a pro. C+

The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018) A family staying at a relative’s trailer park fight to the death against the three masked psychos from the 2008 film in this surprisingly good sequel. The action moves at a brisk pace and director Johannes Roberts (47 Meters Down) frames a lot of the movie with an eye on suspense. Also, unlike the lazy characters from the first movie, the ones here are injected with energy and don’t spend the whole movie crying in a corner. Despite a bit too many plot conveniences, this does a good job at keeping you on the edge of your seat up until the fiery climax. B

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Mini Reviews: REAL CASES OF SHADOW PEOPLE, JUNE 9, and SHOPPING TOUR

Real Cases of Shadow People: The Sarah McCormick Story (2019) Overlong found footage movie about three friends who disappeared while making a documentary on the subject of shadow people. There’s some interesting interviews with relatives of people who’re seemingly abducted by shadow people, and some creepy moments during the climax, but way too much time is spent on the three filmmakers goofing around and showing just how thin the plot of this lifeless exercise is. C–

June 9 (2008) Set in 1999, this features a group of bored teens who film themselves taking numerous trips over the course of a week to a nearby town that’s supposedly cursed by a series of supernatural incidents. A surprisingly enjoyable and authentic found footage chiller with realistic characters and a genuine ’90s feel, this runs a bit long but is worth it for the bonkers, Ten Thousand Maniacs-like ending. B

Shopping Tour (2012) Russian found footage flick about a mother and her teenage son who while on a shopping trip to Finland are locked inside a giant department store and attacked by cannibals. More of a satire, this has some fun, Dawn of the Dead-like moments but uninteresting characters and a jokey focus on Russian/Finnish relations might alienate some. Also, we need to do something about these annoying, inconclusive endings. C

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Mini Reviews: SAINT MAUD, THE CAVE, and THE WITCH

Saint Maud (2020) A victim of false advertising, this was marketed as some kind of supernatural horror film in the vein of Hereditary but is instead a psychological character study about a young nurse (Morfydd Clark) who, after experiencing a traumatic event, slowly downward spirals into an unhinged mental state. Symbolism and suggestion are the real “horrors” of the movie, with the screenplay (by director Rose Glass) relying a bit too much on the title character’s uneven personality and backstory, which we only get glimpses of. Good acting, especially from Jennifer Ehle, but there just isn’t a whole lot of meat on these bones. C

The Cave (2005) Fun monster romp about a group of spelunkers who run into subterranean creatures while investigating a series of uncharted caves underneath the Carpathian mountains. Released the same year as the The Descent and although not as good, or as scary, this features more elaborate make-up FX and some impressive action set pieces, with elements borrowed from Pitch Black and Aliens. B–

The Witch (2015) A brooding atmosphere drenches this intense psychological horror fable about a religious 17th century family outcast by their community and forced to settle on their own isolated farm in the woods. When their youngest disappears, and the eldest son (Harvey Scrimshaw) begins showing signs of possession, the family begin to suspect a witch is in their midst. Director and writer Robert Eggers ignores convention and delivers an authentic account of farm life in the 1600s, putting the family’s trials and tribulations first, with excellent performances from Scrimshaw, Kate Dickie, Ralph Ineson, and especially Anya Taylor-Joy as the eldest daughter. The witch antics are just bonus material, and it all leads to a knockout ending. A–

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URBAN LEGEND and URBAN LEGENDS Mini Reviews

Urban Legend (1998) One of the better post-Scream horror offerings with enjoyable shades of ’80s slasher tropes about a college tormented by a hooded ax killer who uses famous urban legends as their modus operandi. Good characters and excellent atmospherics help heighten this above its Abercrombie good looks and a majorly goofy red herring in the form of Robert Englund hamming it up as the mysterious professor of – yup – urban legends. Although not nearly as gory as it could be this is still a thoroughly enjoyable flick. B

Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000) Decent sequel goes meta (not unlike Scream 3) with several film school students making a class project about the killings from the first movie (titled Urban Legends) while being stalked by a psychopath wearing a fencing mask. This lacks the pacing and energy of the first movie, and there’s a cockamamie subplot involving a dead character’s twin, but it has enough spunk and humor to keep it moving to its goofy climax. Don’t shut off the movie too soon or you’ll miss the surprise cameo at the end complete with the theme from Alfred Hitchcock Presents. B–

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DERANGED and ED GEIN Mini Reviews

Deranged (1974) Hysterically OTT Psycho dupe (that predated Texas Chainsaw Massacre by several months) about an Ed Gein-like simpleton (Roberts Blossom) whose obsession with his mother spirals out of control after she dies, resulting in him stealing her corpse and going on a grave robbing and killing spree. This early gore shocker is so distasteful that it’s rather unbelievable how well made it is, with good acting from Blossom, campy laughs, gross Tom Savini make-up, and a charmingly sleazy atmosphere. B+

Ed Gein (2000) Lacking the visceral detail and intensity of Ed Gein-inspired films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, this “biographical” movie of the notorious Wisconsin grave robber and killer features a well cast Steve Railsback as Gein whose life of torment from his abusive, religious fanatic mother (Carrie Snodgress) slowly turns him into the maladjusted psychopath we have come to know. Despite it’s gruesome subject matter the film is surprisingly restrained, even dull at times, and some of the make-up FX seem cheesy and inauthentic. C

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Found Footage Roundup

If you’re in the mood for some POV action this steamy summer you should check out these found footage titles currently streaming on Amazon Prime and Tubi.

First up is Horror in the High Desert (2021), a nice slow burner, structured almost like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. Presented as a documentary, the film explores the days and events leading up to the disappearance of survivalist Gary (Eric Mencis) within the Nevada wilderness, including the last known video Gary ever filmed. In standard found footage/mockumentary fashion, this video represents the climax of the movie, and delivers some impressive, WTF creep-out moments.

The Lost Footage of Leah Sullivan (2018) is a movie I’d read about for the last few years on FF blogs. Finally available on Tubi, I’m happy to report the film is worth the hype. The flick follows college student Leah (Anna Stromberg), a likable, spunky character who’s making a documentary on a local unsolved murder and, while doing so, stumbles onto the sinister truth. Funny, scary, and always engaging, Leah Sullivan succeeds in delivering a well-rounded and effective little scare show.

One of the more unsettling mockumentaries I’ve seen in recent years is Savageland (2015), a nasty little flick that deserves attention. The story revolves around the unexplained massacre of all 57 residents in a US-Mexican border town. Suspicion falls on the sole survivor, an illegal immigrant branded a psychopath. But the pictures he took that night tell a different story. What sets Savageland apart from the bulk of FF movies is that the footage in question isn’t video but still photographs, which the filmmakers cleverly weave into the story, creating a map of the bloody killing spree and showing some truly chilling imagery.

If you’re a fan of Paranormal Activity-style POV horror you might want to check out 21 Days (2014). In this unexceptional, slightly entertaining “let’s set up cameras to capture evidence of ghosts” movie, three friends lock themselves inside a supposedly haunted house to find out why the previous tenants left in such a hurry. Unfortunately, the movie falls into the overused FF trap of characters who, when in doubt, endlessly scream and shout their lines.

Last, and, unfortunately, least, is Blackwood Evil (2000), an early Blair Witch clone about a spirited journalist (Joanie Bannister), a cameraman (Richard Catt), and a psychic (Peggy Catt), who spend the night in a remote, abandoned house in rural Texas that’s reportedly been used for satanic worship and other sinister activity. The VHS-quality video formatting gives the movie a good atmosphere, but the movie takes way too long for anything interesting to happen, and, just like 21 Days, there’s too much unnecessary bickering between the characters. That said, the movie does attain a goofy charm during the confusing and chaotic climax.

Savageland is available on Amazon Prime. All the other titles are currently streaming on Tubi.

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Quick Review: The new Wrong Turn goes off course

This review might contain spoilers!

Those expecting to see something similar to the 2003 cult fav Wrong Turn when they sit down to watch this reboot will be sorely disappointed. Despite having been written by the original Wrong Turn‘s Alan (Halloween 4) McElroy, the new Wrong Turn offers up a completely different tale, one that feels more inspired by Ari Aster’s Midsommar than any of the previous six Wrong Turn flicks. I’m even going to guess this film was written as an “original” story and at the last minute was slapped with the Wrong Turn label at the hands of worried investors.

The only similarity between this new WT and the first movie is the trapped-in-the-woods plot, but unlike the original film none of the characters in this new one at any point take a wrong turn, making the title even more pointless. This new group of aggressively annoying Gen Z hipsters run afoul a violent backwoods community in the wilds of West Virginia, a community of dirty rednecks who dress in animal furs and speak in a Danish dialect. Deformed, ax-wielding hillbillies are out; suave, handsome woodsman are in.

The biggest sin the new WT makes is its overly complicated mythology surrounding the woodsy society known as The Foundation: these characters are not as interesting as the filmmakers think and their history and politics for why they do what they do are unconvincing and hollow. They live in the woods and preach to outsiders and burn their eyes out of their heads because on paper it probably sounded good. What us WT fans want is simple stalk-and-hack splatter fun and not a film, as well made as it is, that’s trying to be something it’s not.