REVIEWS: All-American Murder and The American Scream

ALL-AMERICAN MURDER (1991) d: Anson Williams. c: Christopher Walken, Charlie Schlatter, Joanna Cassidy, Josie Bissett, Richard Kind, Mitchell Anderson. The shocking, fiery murder of popular good girl, Tally (Bissett), ignites controversy in a small college town where all fingers point toward transfer student, Artie (Schlatter), who just happens to be a convicted arsonist. Artie pleads he’s being framed, but hard-boiled detective, Decker (Walken), isn’t convinced and gives Artie twenty-four hours to produce evidence of his innocence. Meanwhile, as more murders ensue, Artie discovers Tally may not have been as pure as she appeared. A disjoined slasher/mystery that doesn’t work as either, with an uneven screenplay (by Barry Sandler) drowning in silly, “crackerjack” dialogue that sounds more at home in a bad gangster movie from the ’40s. It’s hard to build much sympathy for Artie, who keeps placing himself in bad situations, and it doesn’t help that Schlatter plays the role as if he’s in a Michael J. Fox rom-com. Walken sleepwalks through his small part but undoubtably adds some professionalism to this otherwise low-rent melodrama. C

THE AMERICAN SCREAM (1988) d: Mitchell Linden. c: Matt Borlenghi, Ponz Maar, Kevin Kaye, Jennifer Darling, Riley Weston, Jeane Sapienza, Blackie Dammett. An awkward but totally unique and enjoyable horror satire of the T&A comedies of the 1980s – especially the National Lampoon films – about a dopey family spending vacation at Wilson Creek, a small country town that seems to be filled with weirdos, hedonists, and killers. While the teens are constantly bombarded by crazy shenanigans, the bubbly parents are too busy wrapped in their own stupidity to notice any wrongdoings, especially Dad (Matt Frewer lookalike Maar), who’s a cross between Homer Simpson and Clark Griswald. The kids eventually discover the town is strangely lacking young people and go undercover as adults to find out what’s happening. There isn’t much of a plot – if you go into this film looking for logic you’ll be disappointed – but the film is more about the fundamentally whacky characters and insidiously oddball touches, including a John Waters-esque scene where a couple accidentally kill their baby and barbecue it. If that’s not your cup of tea, then The American Scream is definitely not for you. B

Why April Fool’s Day is a Cut Above the Rest

Warning: This post contains spoilers!

By the mid-1980s, the so-called “golden age of the slasher” was essentially coming to an end. Jason Voorhees was dead and buried. Michael Myers had been replaced by a mask-making witch. And college dorms had become home to slapstick comedy and not revenge-fueled, knife-wielding maniacs. In the spring of 1986, Paramount – then home to the Friday the 13th series – released April Fool’s Day, a quirky whodunit horror-comedy that not only embraced the slasher but gleefully poked fun at it. It was what the subgenre at the time needed.

The film opens with a group of Vassar College friends heading to their mutual friend’s private island for the weekend. In traditional horror movie format, we’re introduced to each of the characters and their personalities. Chaz (Clayton Rohner) is the local hipster of the group and all-around perv, although he only has eyes for bombshell, Nikki (Deborah Goodrich), who isn’t afraid to explore her wild side in bed. Rob (Ken Olandt) and Kit (Amy Steel) are the all-American preppy, nice couple, although Rob’s happy-go-lucky demeanor slips when Kit discovers he didn’t get into med school. Best buds, Skip (Griffin O’Neal) and Arch (Thomas F. Wilson), love to play practical jokes on their friends, while newbies Nan (Leah Pinsent) and Harvey (Jay Baker) try their best to assimilate into the tight-knit gang; Nan’s bookwormish manner and Harvey’s desperation to be one of the rich kids don’t exactly sit well with the others.

And then there’s Muffy (Deborah Foreman), the Spring Break hostess whose island paradise is complete with sunshine, boats, and a giant country estate we later learn she will inherit. The weekend getaway doesn’t get off to a good start when one of Skip’s pranks goes awry and results in a ferryman getting his face crushed between the ferry and dock. Once on the island things get progressively worse when Skip disappears, leading to a manhunt in the nearby woods that results in Arch getting bumped off by a mystery assailant. It isn’t long until the bodies start to pile up and all fingers point to the disfigured ferryman seeking revenge.

While stuck on the island waiting for the police to arrive, Kit and Rob become amateur sleuths and eventually find out Muffy has a twin sister, Buffy, who was committed to an institution years earlier and has escaped. Is Buffy the one responsible for the murders? Or, is it all some elaborate April Fool’s prank?

Who done it? Turns out there is no killer. It was all a ruse created by Muffy: a big April Fool’s prank that also functioned as a test run for Muffy’s business idea to turn her family’s island estate into a murder mystery getaway. How’s that for a twist?

What makes the movie work so well is its ability to function as both a funny slasher and a mystery thriller. The screenplay (by Danilo Bach) has fun not only with its characters but with its audience by putting you in the same situation. It wants you to figure out the clues and unravel what’s going on. Even the final double-twist is the film saying to viewers, “We’re having fun, and we hope you are!” But the scenario wouldn’t have worked nearly as well had the cast not been as good as it is here. Steel and Olandt make a terrific detective couple, while Wilson and O’Neal genuinely seem like old friends. The entire cast meshes very well together and all of the characters are likable in their own way; as with the characters from Friday the 13th Part 2 or Halloween, you want to be a part of their inner circle.

Unfairly ignored during its initial release, April Fool’s Day has since gained a cult following, thanks largely to its frequent play on late-night TV throughout the late ’80s. Pushed aside by hardcore horror fans for its lack of gore and mask-wearing killer, the movie – recently re-released on Blu-ray by Shout! Factory – is now seen as a work of originality and stands high above the assortment of familiar slashers and low-grade sequels that drowned the era.

Haunted House Month: FOUND FOOTAGE EDITION

One of the better post-Paranormal Activity found footage movies is 2011’s GRAVE ENCOUNTERS, an energetic riff on reality TV ghost-hunting shows that’s both funny and genuinely scary. The small crew of an up-and-coming paranormal investigation series goes to an abandoned psychiatric hospital that, according to numerous sources, is haunted by the spirits of its former tortured patients. After the host, Lance (Sean Rogerson), interviews “eye-witnesses” to the place’s supernatural activity, he and his crew lock themselves inside the building overnight to record footage, all the while doubting if it’s actually haunted. It’s not exactly a surprise when they discover it is.

The first half of the film is comprised of the crew doing their intentionally hokey TV schtick and playing up the sensationalism of creaking doors and shadowy corridors. Things take a turn for the worse when Lance and crew become seemingly stuck in a time loop and are physically unable to leave the building, while constantly being bombarded by demonic attacks. The screenplay (by directors Stuart Ortiz and Colin Minihan) does a terrific job of juxtaposing the lighthearted goofiness of the first 30 or so minutes against a fun house of scary jolts in the remainder of the film. A good use of sound FX heightens the intensity of the atmosphere, leading to a bleak but honest ending.

One of the best horror mockumentaries of the last several years is the 2008 Australian film, LAKE MUNGO. A disturbing, layered mystery, Lake Mungo chronicles the events of the Palmers, a happy family from a small town who, after the tragic death of 16-year-old Alice Palmer (Talia Zucker), begin to experience strange happenings around their home. When Alice’s brother, Mathew (Martin Sharpe), believes that Alice’s ghost is trying to communicate, the family seeks the help of a well-known psychic (Simon Wilton), which leads them down a road of shocking revelations.

An unsettling and surprisingly complex film, Lake Mungo isn’t your typical found footage movie. The script delves deeper into human interactions, and explores the unbalanced lives of seemingly normal family households and their inner secrets. In a sense, the story is more about the underlying dysfunctional reality of the Palmers than the supernatural plot. But that’s the brilliance of the screenplay (written by director Joel Anderson); it’s structured to mislead you, and then it pulls the rug out from underneath you by offering up twists and turns. Don’t think that Lake Mungo isn’t also an effective ghost tale, because it is, slowly building to a creepy, and startling, reveal that will get under your skin.

Tact is not something the people from The Asylum (Sharknado) have a lot of, and their 2010 release, 8213: GACY HOUSE, is a good example of tacky sensationalism. A group of paranormal researchers decide to investigate the house that was built over the foundation of notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy’s home (demolished in 1979) to see if they can contact the murderer’s spirit. We’re never given any backstory to why these characters believe Gacy’s ghost haunts this location, but they spend a good amount of time setting up cameras around the building, performing a séance, and calling out to Gacy. At one point, a character pulls out the sweatshirt of her 14-year-old nephew in order to entice Gacy to appear! Oh, boy.

Sloppy and unconvincing, Gacy House is built on a wobbly narrative that has no core at its center. The movie exists solely to shock, yet the horror it presents is so superficial and dull that you can’t take any of it seriously. Unlike Paranormal Activity, which interwove a believable mythology around the action, Gacy House offers nothing in support of its paper-thin plot. It’s a hollow exercise in lowest common denominator filmmaking. And if you ever wanted to see the ghost of John Wayne Gacy clad in transparent underwear then this is the movie for you! | Lake Mungo: AGrave Encounters: B+ Gacy House: D

HAUNTED HOUSE MONTH: Week 4

When it comes to slow burns, filmmaker Ti West knows what he’s doing. Following in the same low-key, suspense-building footsteps as his previous film, The House of the Devil, 2011’s THE INNKEEPERS features a young woman, Claire (Sara Paxton), who, along with her coworker, Luke (Pat Healy), are the only remaining employees of the closing, supposedly haunted Yankee Pedlar Inn. Not knowing what to do next with her life, Claire joins Luke in his quest to catch a ghost on camera, specifically the spirit of Madeline O’Malley, a woman who killed herself in the hotel decades earlier.

As with House of the Devil, The Innkeepers focuses most of its attention on the characters, especially Claire who’s very relatable and someone we want to see succeed and not be harmed. Claire is also a great juxtaposition to Luke, who’s very somber and cranky. At one point, Claire is more excited about her ghostly recordings than Luke, whose ghost-hunting website she’s volunteering her time to. Claire is the bright spot in a film filled with negative people and manipulative spirits. Her pleasant, somewhat naive personality is what ultimately victimizes her. A good film with terrific characters and a chilling finale.

The 2018 French NIGHT SHOT offers up found footage thrills. Nathalie (Nathalie Couturier), the host of a YouTube-type series of urban exploration videos, along with her cameraman (director Hugo König), hike to an abandoned hospital in the middle of the forest to film a new episode. Once inside the massive dwelling Nathalie tells of the place’s unsavory history, particularly the story of a certain doctor who performed fiendish experiments on pregnant women. It isn’t long until she and the cameraman are trapping inside the building’s sinister walls while being pursued by unseen supernatural forces.

Much like The Blair Witch Project, Night Shot uses its claustrophobic environment to disorient its characters and trap them in an unexplained time loop. The “gimmick” of the film is that it’s shot in one, unedited take. It’s also filmed in B&W, which adds to the creepiness of the atmosphere. As with many FF flicks, the story unfolds as a slow burn but it’s never uninteresting; quite the contrary, with the labyrinthine, decaying hospital being a character itself. It builds to a lurid, genuinely unsettling conclusion.

Believe it or not, at one point in time the Amityville story was taken seriously. But, as with most successful horror movies, the story became sequelized to death and the franchise eventually lost the plot completely. In the last few decades, the films have essentially become a marketing gimmick for any kind of low-budget haunted house flick – look at the 2011 Amityville Haunting, which is nothing more than a lifeless Paranormal Activity rip-off that has nothing to do with the original Amityville story at all. (And let’s not even get into Amityville in Space.)

Exception should be given to 1996’s overtly silly but undeniably entertaining AMITYVILLE: DOLLHOUSE. After a divorced father, Bill (Robin Thomas), and his new wife, Claire (Starr Andreeff), move their family – comprised of his and her kids from previous marriages – into a newly-built house, they begin to experience bizarre mood swings and supernatural occurrences. Bill has dreams of a demonic-like figure, Claire begins lusting after hunky teen stepson, Todd (Allen Cutler), and Claire’s young son, Jimmy (Jarrett Lennon), begins talking to the decaying, manipulative ghost of his deceased dad. Does all this have something to do with the weird dollhouse found in the backyard shed, one that is modeled after the infamous Long Island dwelling?

The foolish tie-in with the Amityville universe aside, Dollhouse is a surprisingly inventive little movie that’s much better made than you’d think. The plot is beyond ludicrous and the characters don’t seem to live in a reality where logic exists, yet the family is likable enough that you end up caring about their plight, even when they do incredibly stupid things – Todd’s sound system mysteriously cranks to top volume yet instead of simply removing his headphones from his head he fumbles with the wires while making a panicky face. In the end, the movie is so inherently dumb and giddy in its campy excesses it becomes a sight to see, especially during its batshit crazy climax. The Innkeepers: B+ Night Shot and Amityville: B

HAUNTED HOUSE MONTH: Week 3

When it comes to remakes 1999’s cheesy HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL ranks as one of the more entertaining ones. Giving his best Vincent Price, distinguished actor Geoffrey Rush stars as theme park king, Stephen Price (get it?), who invites five guests to the abandoned cliff-side Vannacutt Institute for the Criminally Insane for his venomous wife’s (Famke Janssen) birthday party. Price offers the guests $1 million if they can survive the night inside the maze-like structure and retrofits the place with tricks and pranks, unaware that the place is actually haunted by the demented Dr. Vannacutt (Jeffrey Combs) and his patients who died from his hideous experiments.

Director William Malone (Feardotcom) doesn’t shy away from the ghosts and ghouls that William Castle hinted at in the 1959 original, with the film offering up several creep monster FX, including one of the first of the fast-moving, head-shaking ghost that has become almost a staple in most of today’s haunted house flicks. The plot is complete hokum but the cast has fun with the material, especially Janssen and Rush who seem to relish going at each other’s throats.

At first sight, 2009’s handsomely photographed THE UNINVITED sounds like a retelling of the classic Ray Milland film of the same title from 1944, but is in fact a remake of an overrated 2003 South Korean movie called A Tale of Two Sisters. After being institutionalized for a suicide attempt, teenager Anna (Emily Browning) goes back home to find her father (David Strathairn) has become romantically involved with her deceased mother’s nurse, Rachel (Elizabeth Banks). While Anna and her sister, Alex (Arielle Kebbel), try to figure out the mysterious fire that killed their sick mother, Anna begins seeing ghostly visions and questioning not only Rachel’s true motivations but also her own sanity.

While the film looks great and its beautiful Maine setting could be a character itself, the screenplay is littered with too many red herrings and relies too heavily on Anna’s “is it real?” psychosis. The film also builds up a false narrative and presents a twist ending that is neither convincing nor credible. Banks gives a cold, tense performance as the “wicked stepmother” but Browning, whose shoulders the entire story rests on, is vacant and unsympathetic.

A superior ghost tale is the 2000 Robert Zemeckis-helmed WHAT LIES BENEATH. Michelle Pfeiffer is perfectly cast as Claire, a mother who a year after surviving a car accident comes to believe her newly renovated lake-side home is haunted. At first she thinks it might be the ghost of the missing wife of her brutish new neighbor (James Remar), but when things intensify Claire realizes her husband, Norman (Harrison Ford), may be connected.

While not perfect, What Lies Beneath is a terrific example of visual storytelling. The plot isn’t anything we haven’t seen before, but Zemeckis wisely presents it with an obvious love and understand of classic filmmaking, especially in the tradition of Hitchcock. The film unfolds as a mystery and slowly builds the tension, keeping you on your toes almost the whole time. Pfeiffer is extremely likable and warm, and her scenes with best friend Diana Scarwid are some of the strongest in the movie. And unlike a lesser movie like The Uninvited, What Lies Beneath doesn’t rely on a wobbly narrative that barely supports a “shock” ending, but instead cares more about strong characters and a simple but effective premise. House on Haunted Hill: B The Uninvited: CWhat Lies Beneath: B+

HAUNTED HOUSE MONTH: Week 2

Sort of the Blumhouse of the early ’00s, Dark Castle was a well known but short-lived production company that specialized in cheesy but entertaining horror. One of their offerings was 2002’s GHOST SHIP, a visually impressive haunted house variant about a ship salvage crew who stumble upon a luxury cruise liner that disappeared in 1962. Once aboard, they find a cargo full of gold, as well as the vengeful spirits of the ship’s previous passengers, all of whom died horrible deaths and are mad as hell.

Shot in the same frenzied vein as the House on Haunted Hill remake, Death Ship looks great, but its plot is paper-thin and relies too much on a rather uninteresting subplot that tries to function as a mystery. That aside, the cast is good – Julianna Margulies, Gabriel Byrne, and Karl Urban! – and the action moves at a brisk pace. The bloodthirsty ghosts are essentially the same breed as the murderous spirits from House on Haunted Hill and Thirteen Ghosts, offering up nothing new or exciting.

Considered a modern horror classic, Hideo Nakata’s bleak 1998 chiller, RING, is a ghost story for the digital age. While investigating the mysterious deaths of her niece and two other high schoolers, reporter Reiko (Nanako Matsushima) discovers a silly urban legend might be all too real: a cursed videotape that will kill anyone a week after they’ve watched it. Based on a popular novel, the brilliance of the story is its use of technology as a weapon. The curse of the vengeful spirit being transmitted through a VHS tape might seem dated, but the release of the film corresponded perfectly with the rise of the internet and the digital revolution. How can you stop a supernatural virus that’s spread through wires?

A masterwork in minimalist horror, Ring was massively influential – the 2002 remake unleashed a wave of Asian horror revamps in Hollywood – and a clear inspiration for the Ju-on series and a host of similar “long hair ghost” movies. While the J-horror subgenre has plenty of fun titles (2003’s One Missed Call is an effective Ring rip-off), those movies don’t have the elegant subtlety of Nakata’s film, which relies mostly on atmosphere and suggestion rather than visceral scares, except, of course, for the famous twist ending.

Speaking of Japanese films, 2005’s DARK WATER was one of many remakes that came in the wake of the American The Ring. Recently divorced, fragile Dahlia (Jennifer Connelly) and her young daughter, Ceci (Ariel Gabe), move into a dank, leaking apartment on New York’s Roosevelt Island. Soon after, the daughter begins talking to an imaginary friend, and strange noises are heard from an unoccupied apartment upstairs where something sinister happened to the previous tenants. When Dahlia’s mental health unravels she must try to solve the mystery before Ceci is taken away from her.

A moody ghost story with good characters, a terrific cast, Dark Water is handsomely directed by Brazilian filmmaker Walter Salles (The Motorcycle Diaries), but those expecting a traditional scare show like The Grudge might be disappointed with the movie’s slow pace and lack of showy special effects. That aside, this is a solid film with strong performances and a gripping mother-daughter relationship. Ring: ADark Water: B Ghost Ship: C+

HAUNTED HOUSE MONTH: Week 1

This month I’ve decided to dive into haunted house/supernatural invasion movies, and to kick things off I watched the 1980 classic, THE CHANGELING. An old-fashioned ghost story, The Changeling stars the always good George C. Scott as a music professor who, after the death of his wife and child in a car accident, seeks a change of scenery by moving into a large house in Seattle. It isn’t long until he begins hearing strange noises coming from the attic, and eventually uncovers a murder mystery and decades-old secret.

The Changeling is an interesting film because it’s not your typical modern haunted house flick. Sandwiched between the visceral FX of Amityville Horror and Poltergeist, The Changeling seems like an idea that came from the 1940s, when ghost stories were more subtle and less about the “boo” moments. 

The screenplay (written by William Gray and Diana Maddox) flows as more of a mystery, and director Peter Medak keeps the attention on character development and story structure over visual supernatural activity. That’s not to say the movie doesn’t have its share of creepy moments – its rich atmosphere could be a character itself, with shadows playing a big part in the narrative’s otherworldly reality. 

On the complete opposite end of the cinematic spectrum is Lucio Fulci’s gory answer to Amityville, 1981’s THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY. Set in the same altered reality as Fulci’s gruesome twosome, City of the Living Dead and The Beyond, House features a small family who leave New York and move into dusty old “Oak Mansion” outside Boston. There, the dad (Paolo Malco) plans to continue the research his ex-colleague was performing before he committed suicide. Along with his wife (Catriona MacColl), who’s in a constant state of upset, and flop-top son (Giovanni Frezza), Dad discovers their new house harbors a deadly secret: the zombified Dr. Freudstein, a madman who performed diabolical experiments in the house 100 years earlier – and who needs fresh body parts to remain reanimated.

An example of excessive Italian horror at its hysterical best, House by the Cemetery is Fulci firing on all cylinders. The movie might appear to be just another run-of-the-mill Amityville/Shining wannabe – there’s a subplot involving the son’s (unexplained) psychic link with the spirit of Freudstein’s young daughter (Silvia Collatina) – yet Fulci’s unique style and eye for detail makes the movie work wonderfully. Fulci’s hallmarks are all over this, including extreme close-ups of maggot-infested body parts, a beautiful but nonsensical narrative, heavy atmosphere, and the always hilariously bad dubbing. Where else will you see a blood-drenched, two-minute bat attack?

Plugging into the then-popularity of Nightmare on Elm Street, the THE HORROR SHOW is a 1989 entry in the “Is it a dream?” sub-subgenre. Detective McCarthy (Lance Henriksen) is haunted by dreams of deranged serial killer, Max Jenke (Brion James), who he helped capture and witnessed executed in the electric chair. But Jenke, whose spirit has invaded McCarthy’s home through some form of electric phenomena, won’t stay dead and terrorizes the family by slashing up their friends and framing McCarthy for the murders. 

Originally planned (and released overseas) as House III, this seems to have been an attempt at creating another Freddy Krueger, but it takes itself way too seriously and just comes off just a dumb rip-off. Henriksen gives the film more credit than it deserves and James is pure ham, but this does predate the similarly themed Shocker by several months. The Changeling and House by the Cemetery: B+ Horror Show: C  

RANDOM REVIEWS: The Spiral Staircase, 10 Cloverfield Lane, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE (1946) d: Robert Siodmak. c: Dorothy McGuire, Ethel Barrymore, George Brent, Kent Smith, Rhoda Fleming, Elsa Lanchester, Gordon Oliver. Effective psychological chiller about a mute caregiver (McGuire) in a small New England town in the early 1900s terrorized by a killer of young women with disabilities. The film’s dense atmosphere creates an almost nightmarish world, while also successfully blending elements of film-noir into the story’s more dominant gothic setting. It should be noted this is one of the first movies to use the “black-gloved killer” that would become so prominent in Italian slashers of the ’60s and ’70s. The cast is good – especially Barrymore as the invalid matriarch of an estate that could house the identity of the murderer – but Siodmak’s direction is often cold, creating a barrier between the audience and the characters and softening the impact. A film that was ahead of its time, but one can’t help wonder how the story could have benefited had Hitchcock or Val Lewton gotten their hands on the material. B

10 CLOVERFIELD LANE (2016) d: Dan Trachtenberg. c: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Goodman, John Gallagher Jr. A white-knuckle thrill ride that works on multiple levels, this second film in the Cloverfield universe is perhaps the best sci-fi horror thriller in years. After surviving a car accident, a woman, Michelle (Windstead), wakes up in an underground bunker and is told by a strange man, Henry (Goodman), that some kind of attack has killed most of civilization in the surrounding areas. Things get worse when Michelle realizes Henry is not mentally stable, and the pressure rises as he makes life in the bunker difficult for her and another trapped survivor, Emmett (Gallagher Jr.). A simple premise is made rich thanks to a tight screenplay, which smartly places the audience in Michelle’s shoes and allows us to only know what she knows, which is mostly speculation from Henry. When surprising events unfold, they’re shocking and unpredictable. The claustrophobic environment of the bunker creates unease, especially when tension mounts between Henry and Michelle, creating some genuinely nail-biting moments. The characters are well-written and the chemistry between the actors feels organic and genuine. The surprise ending will leave you both on the edge of you seat and cheering. A

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 (1986) d: Tobe Hooper. c: Dennis Hopper, Caroline Williams, Jim Siedow, Bill Moseley, Bill Johnson. 14 years after the events in the first film, former Texas Ranger, Enright (Hopper), is looking for the infamous Sawyer family, unaware they’re now owners of an award-winning food truck (“The secret’s in the meat!”) and living under an abandoned theme park. When small-time radio DJ, Stretch (Williams), records the chainsaw murder of a caller, she uses the tape to help Enright catch the Sawyers, with dire consequences. Taking everything that’s been (wrongly) criticized about his earlier films, Hooper spins a delicious send-up by throwing in everything that was missing from the original Massacre (outrageous gore) and turning up the camp value – Moseley’s Chop Top is essentially a cartoon version of the hitchhiker from the ’74 film, while Williams’s Stretch is Sally dialed up to 11. A fun and colorful example of ’80s horror excess. B+

SCI-FI/FANTASY MONTH: The Blob, Cabin in the Woods, and Resident Evil ’21

THE BLOB (1988) d: Chuck Russell. c: Shawnee Smith, Kevin Dillon, Donovan Leitch, Joe Seneca, Candy Clark, Jeffrey DeMunn, Del Close. A near-perfect remake of the 1950s monster flick that not only improves upon the original’s special FX but expands the story with rich characters and spectacular set pieces. The residents of a small town become food for a gelatinous organism that grows bigger every time it eats humans, that is until a mysterious containment team is sent to handle the situation, making matters worse. Gory, exciting, and often surprising, this is what remakes should always aspire to be. Co-written by Frank Darabont, this gets major points for switching gender roles and making the spunky cheerleader (Smith) the gun-toting hero. Criminally overlooked during its initial release, this is a fantastic, inventive piece of genre filmmaking that deserves a place on the same mantel as Carpenter’s The Thing. A

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012) d: Drew Goddard. c: Kristin Connolly, Fran Kranz, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford. Vibrant horror-comedy-fantasy co-written by Joss Whedon about a group of college friends spending the weekend at a remote, woodsy cabin who are terrorized by a family of backwoods zombie-rednecks. Or so they think. Deliciously sending up the “teens in the woods” subgenre created by ’80s classic Evil Dead, Cabin works because the screenplay doesn’t only spoof its subject matter but highly respects and, clearly, enjoys it. The cast is likable and energetic (including Jenkins and Whitford as egocentric employees of a secret underground agency), and the pacing is terrific, building to a full-scare monster movie mash-up of epic proportions. B+

RESIDENT EVIL: WELCOME TO RACCOON CITY (2021) d: Johannes Roberts. c: Kaya Scodelario, Robbie Amell, Tom Hopper, Hannah John-Kamen, Avan Jogia, Donel Logue. Lively reboot of the groundbreaking video game series, this is set in 1998 with a young woman (Scodelario) going back to her hometown of Raccoon City, a small town built by the evil Umbrella Corp. When the locals start turning into blood-craving zombies, she and her cop brother (Amell), along with several others, must try to escape the doomed city, but not before bumping into a variety of mutated monsters. Following in the footsteps of the six-movie Resident Evil series, this offers nothing new, but is a more faithful adaptation of the original ’90s games, with iconic locations and certain sequences replicated and inserted into the action, which takes precedence over story. This is, however, very entertaining and moves at such a fast pace you won’t notice. B

Mini-Reviews: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE ’74 and ’22

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) d: Tobe Hooper. c: Marilyn Burns, Gunnar Hansen, Edwin Neal, Jim Siedow, Paul A. Partain, Allen Danziger. Perhaps the perfect American horror film, this baby not only took the slasher movie to terrifying new levels but gave birth to one of horror cinema’s most memorable, and horrifying, villains: Leatherface. A seemingly fun summer afternoon in backwoods Texas for a van-load of friends is turned into a nightmare when they encounter a family of sadistic cannibals. The simple premise is made the more horrific thanks to Hooper’s handling of the material. The film utilizes sound, disorienting music, and extreme close-ups to create a claustrophobic environment that makes the ordeal intense and authentically brutal. The cast is amateur but good, especially Burns whose character, Sally, became a benchmark for future Final Girls. Unrelentingly suspenseful and unforgivingly grim, Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a masterpiece in horror filmmaking. A

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2022) d: David Blue Garcia. c: Elsie Fisher, Sarah Yarkin, Mark Burnham, Jacob Latimore, Olwen Fouéré, Alice Krige. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a good example of a sequel being the polar opposite of its predecessor, Tobe Hooper’s seminal 1974 masterwork, also called The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Where Hooper’s film was well-written, smart, and relied on suspense and terror, the new TCM is lazy, soulless, and relies on cartoonish gore to keep you interested. A group of investors celebrating a town renovation project in the middle of nowhere Texas are put through the bloody ringer when old Leatherface (Burnham) comes crawling out of the woodwork, putting the chainsaw to, well, anyone. Leatherface’s cannibalistic needs seems to have disappeared (the film abandons that subplot completely) but his need for wearing the face masks of his victims is still vital. The make-up FX are on the cheap side (over half of the gore seems to be computer-generated), resulting in Bubba’s face looking like it’s melting through most of the movie. The five-minute return of the original’s Final Girl, Sally (Fouéré), is so ridiculously underwritten that it comes off as pointless. The film’s saving grace is the blood-drenched bus massacre scene, which is the only part of the movie that has a pulse – I’m even speculating the scene was an early idea for which the entire movie was written around. A shit stain on an otherwise decent horror film series. D