GOODNIGHT, GOD BLESS (1987) (AKA: Lucifer) A priest opens fire on a group of schoolchildren for no apparent reason and subsequently goes on a pointless killing spree. The survivor of the shooting, a small girl (Jane Price) who seems completely unfazed by the incident, is questioned by the police but incapable of describing what the maniac looks like—a supernatural influence, perhaps, or just the result of lousy writing? In a completely tactless move, the detective on the case, who resembles Ed O’Neill’s less attractive brother, starts a romance with Price’s mother (Emma Sutton) and drags out this meandering movie to the point of exhaustion. In keeping up with modern mad slashers, the killer comes back for Price with an oversized butcher’s knife and terrorizes her and mommy in a protracted scene that features no suspense whatsoever. The priest, it turns out, is the embodiment of pure evil, or something, revealed in the ludicrous ending. Absolute trash. F
I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE (1987) A pack of high schoolers trying to even the score accidentally kill the drug dealer (Steve McCoy) who ripped them off. After they dump the body in a river polluted with toxic waste, McCoy comes back from the dead for revenge. The green-faced zombie rips out a tongue, rapes a woman before breaking her legs, and snaps the neck of the pack’s baseball-playing hero (Michael Ruben), who ultimately comes back as a zombie himself to put an end to McCoy’s bloody rampage. This independently made spoof has its moments but is way too long and runs out of gas around the midway point. The cast is likable but many of the sight gags fall flat. Director John Elias Michalakis is known mostly for having produced Splatter University. C
SLIME CITY (1988) College student Alex (Craig Sabin) is turned into a deformed, goo-filled killer after ingesting a green concoction made by his alchemy-practicing punk neighbors. After beating a homeless man to death with a lead pipe, Alex returns to normal but with an insatiable appetite for murder and mayhem whenever the ooze starts dripping. Wrapping himself in bandages like Claude Rains in The Invisible Man, Alex hunts the city for victims to cure his deformity, including a prostitute he slashes with a razor and dismembers. Slime City is clearly a low-budget production. The lighting is harsh, the acting amateur, and the costumes have a thrift store quality—a dinner scene in Alex’s parents’ kitchen features nothing but a small table and foldout chairs. But, I guess the name of the production company (Bare Bones) should have tipped me off. Most of the budget and creativity seems to have gone to the makeup department, but left the writing a lot to be desired. C–
