Author: Matt

I've been obsessed with horror movies since I was two years old and staring wide-eyed at all the hypnotic VHS covers at the local video store.
Posted on

Blood Beach, High Desert Kill, Tower of Evil

Blood Beach – 1980, US, 85m. Director: Jeffrey Bloom.

High Desert Kill – 1989, US, 90m. Director: Harry Falk.

Tower of Evil – 1972, UK, 89m. Director: Jim O’Connolly.

BLOOD BEACH (1980) A subterranean creature is pulling beachgoers into the sand and to their demise in this cheap offshoot of Jaws. The public is put on alert after a dog is found with its head bitten off, but that doesn’t stop the masses from frolicking on the seashore and meeting a bloody end, the majority of victims being bikini-clad beauties. The movie’s high body count doesn’t keep Blood Beach from feeling stale, although the film is not without humor—the scene where a rapist gets his schlong torn off by the beast is amusing. When we finally see the creature it comes off as an oversized Venus flytrap. The movie’s tagline—”Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water… you can’t get to it!”—turns out to be the best thing about this snoozer, which was a mild box office success when released in 1981 by New York City distributer Jerry Gross (I Spit on Your Grave, The Boogey Man). C–

HIGH DESERT KILL (1989) Three friends (Marc Singer, Micah Grant, Anthony Geary) get sucked into an alien mind control experiment while on a hunting excursion in the New Mexico desert. A lack of wildlife is the first sign of danger our callous protagonists ignore. The men meet an old timer (Chuck Conners) whose horses mysteriously disappear into thin air. Two female campers become sexed up nymphs and turn the men’s camp site into an orgy of drinking and fornicating—viewers expecting some titillation in the form of T&A will be disappointed because High Desert Kill was made for network television. Upon returning from hunting Singer stumbles upon his friends eating the raw remains of a bear. The alien takes the form of Grant’s deceased uncle and watches from a distance as the characters become increasingly paranoid and go for each other’s throats—until Scientist Geary realizes they’re “rats in a cage.” When rifles don’t work the men use mind warfare against the alien in the foolish climax. Up to that point the movie is engaging, well acted, and nicely paced. B–

TOWER OF EVIL (1972) (AKA: Beyond the Fog; Horror of Snape Island) The inexplicable massacre of several people on Snape Island ignites interest in a group of treasure seekers who believe the place is loaded with gold. Once they arrive shore they too are systematically slaughtered. The main plot is briefly overlaid with flashbacks of the earlier murders so the viewer isn’t kept waiting around for the gory action, which the film delivers in spades. A man is pinned to the wall with a spear right before his girlfriend is beheaded—her head is later seen rolling down a staircase in a genuinely shocking moment. Another man is butchered with a scythe after skinny dipping, his hand getting lopped off in extreme close-up. The decomposing corpse of the lighthouse keeper’s wife is found next to a smashed radio and eliminating any chance for the characters to call for help. Tower of Evil is a nonsensical but highly atmospheric splatter flick that gained some notoriety when it was reissued in 1980 as Beyond the Fog in order to capitalize off a certain John Carpenter film. B–

Posted on

Fade to Black, The Last Horror Film, Watchers

Fade to Black – 1980, US, 102m. Director: Vernon Zimmerman.

The Last Horror Film – 1982, US, 87m. Director: David Winter.

Watchers – 1988, Canada/US, 91m. Director: Jon Hess.

FADE TO BLACK (1980) Movie lover and perpetual screw-up Eric Binford (Dennis Christopher) grows tired of being everybody’s punching bag—although, frankly, he deserves it—and switches careers from stock boy to serial killer. Eric’s first victim is his wheelchair-bound aunt, who he pushes down a flight of stairs after she destroys his film projector showing Henry Hathaway’s Kiss of Death. Eric adopts the personalities of his favorite movie characters (Cody Jarrett from White Heat, Count Dracula, etc.) and goes after those who make his life hell, including a brutish coworker (Mickey Rourke), and a stuck-up prostitute who embarrassed Eric for a lack of funds. In the film’s most ridiculous scene, Eric embodies the personality of James Cagney from the gangster film Taxi by driving around in a 1931 Pontiac and mowing down a room full of people with a Tommy gun and quoting, “You dirty rat!” How a flake like Eric obtained a working Tommy gun is anyone’s guess. Fade to Black is supposed to be a comedy but it’s too derivative and silly to be funny, and comes off as refried junk food for those with short attention spans. C–

THE LAST HORROR FILM (1982) Vinny Durand (Joe Spinell), a delusional, movie-obsessed cab driver, travels to the Cannes Film Festival, where anyone who gets in the way of his dream of making a horror movie with actress Jana Bates (Caroline Munro) meets an untimely death. A pompous director gets his head cut off after denying Vinny access to Jana. A producer is trapped in a screening room and hacked to pieces with a hatchet. Vinny finally gets a hold of Jana, but she manages to escape and runs into the streets where hordes of pedestrians cheer on what they believe is a publicity stunt—which causes Vinny to stop and bow to his “audience.” The Last Horror Film is a slasher movie but it’s also a self-reflective parody that satirizes not only the horror genre but Hollywood and fame, and does it fairly well. While abundant, the splatter isn’t quite up to par with Maniac (1980)—Last Horror Film was apparently promoted in parts of Europe as Maniac 2!—but there is a gruesome disemboweling, courtesy of a chainsaw; an appropriate gore-filled ending to this fun, if not entirely convincing, spectacle. B–

WATCHERS (1988) A genetically modified humanoid designed for killing escapes from an experimental laboratory along with its psychically-linked dog. The creature smashes into a barn and mauls a farmer to death while the golden retriever runs into the arms of a teen (Corey Haim), who hides the dog not only from the monster but from the secret organization tracking it. The humanoid hunts Haim to a high school and slaughters a teacher and custodian—the “watcher” has a penchant for gouging out its victims eyes—before the local police wise up to the sight of mangled bodies and bring out the shotguns. The stone-cold tracker (an appropriately cast Michael Ironside) of the creature is so hellbent on keeping the experiment a secret that he cuts the sheriff’s throat with a shard of glass for asking too many questions. Haim holds up in a woodsy shack with the pooch, and acts as if he’s in a Rambo movie by tossing homemade grenades and Molotov cocktails at the beast (the makeup for which looks like a shag rug glued onto a baboon mask). Mildly entertaining, but only ever slightly. Oscar-winning screenwriter Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby) had his name credited as Paul Freed after removing himself from Watchers during the 1988 writers strike. C+

Posted on

Happy Birthday to Me, Hell’s Trap, Macabre

Happy Birthday to Me – 1981, Canada, 110m. Director: J. Lee Thompson.

Hell’s Trap – 1989, Mexico, 90m. Director: Pedro Galindo III.

Macabre – 1980, Italy, 89m. Director: Lamberto Bava.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (1981) An overbearingly silly Halloween/Friday the 13th hybrid that actually has more in common with Scooby-Doo—but on a less entertaining level. The snotty high school friends of distraught Virginia (Melissa Sue Anderson), who’s still traumatized over a childhood incident, are being slaughtered in the days leading up to her birthday. A French exchange student has his face shoved into the spinning wheel of a dirt bike after stealing a pair of Virginia’s underwear. The jock of the group gets crushed under his own bench press. The best death in the film features a shish kebab skewer, complete with marinated steak chunks, being shoved into a victim’s mouth. The culprit removes the bodies after each kill and, judging from the speed with which they wipe down the crime scene should be placed in the Guinness Book of World Records. The fact that a majority of their friends have disappeared doesn’t stop Virginia and gang from partying and acting like general nincompoops—especially Virginia, who spends most of the movie pouting and/or complaining. The most convoluted part of the screenplay comes during the third act when the killer’s identity and motivation are revealed in a scene that will have you moaning in disbelief. Polished direction by Hollywood vet J. Lee Thompson (Cape Fear), but in the end you’ll feel like you’ve just been ripped off by a pro. C–

HELL’S TRAP (1989) A group of not-too-bright individuals competing in a bear-hunting stunt end up prey to a deranged killer stalking the area. The masked madman uses a series of tunnels to sneak up on his victims, and an arsenal of weapons to maim them with, including a Freddy Krueger-like razor glove and the old standby, bow-and-arrow. The survivors try to escape via pickup but are thwarted by the killer, whose quick and agile movements would give even John Rambo competition. Despite being supplied with rifles, the callous characters fail to eliminate the threat: an ex-soldier of war who believes he’s still in Vietnam—who, when the slashing fails, brings out a machine gun in an appropriately blood-spattered sequence. There’s nothing particularly exceptional about Hell’s Trap, but the film is made with a high amount of energy and style that keeps things moving at a good pace up until its (literally) explosive finale. In all, an enjoyably cockamamie Mexican slasher. B–

MACABRE (1980) An adulterous housewife (Bernice Stegers)—who left her children home alone so she could spend the afternoon in coitus—is put through the wringer when both her son and lover die on the same day. Stegers then moves into the apartment she used for her secret sexual rendezvous and slowly loses her marbles while, like Norman Bates with his mother, continues to carry out a relationship with her deceased lover. The place’s blind landlord (Stanko Molnar) forms an infatuation with Stegers, which turns to jealously after nightly sounds of lovemaking emanate from her apartment. This Italian psychological chiller has Hitchcockian vibes—thanks to the last reel’s shocking reveal—but it’s really nothing more than a lurid (and entertaining) exploitation vehicle made for the splatter crowd. Director Lamberto Bava (Demons) is the son of legendary filmmaker Mario Bava, and judging from this polished production, the kid learned well. B–

Posted on

The Beyond, Forever Evil, Nightmare Sisters

The Beyond – 1981, Italy, 87m. Director: Lucio Fulci.

Forever Evil – 1987, US, 107m. Director: Roger Evans.

Nightmare Sisters – 1988, US, 83m. Director: David DeCoteau.

THE BEYOND (1981) (AKA: 7 Doors of Death) Once again the dreaded gates to Hell have been opened and expelled the living dead in this companion piece to Lucio Fulci’s equally blood-strewn City of the Living Dead (1980). The revamping of a New Orleans hotel that, decades earlier, was the scene of a brutal murder spells doom for its new owner (Catriona MacColl) and anyone who comes into contact with the cursed building—including a hapless plumber who has his eyes gouged out by a demonic hand that emerges from behind a melting wall. The hotel’s blind gatekeeper tries to warn MacColl of the place’s hellish history but is dismissed and has her throat torn open by her own seeing eye dog. Eventually, in the movie’s super-splattery climax, a horde of zombies descends upon a hospital, where our protagonists are trapped. Narratively, The Beyond makes little sense and is often disjointed—although it works rather well in terms of the plot and immerses the viewer in a nightmarish, otherworldly atmosphere. But Fulci knows audiences come to a movie like The Beyond expecting a certain level of special effects, and the director doesn’t disappoint, offering, on more than one occasion, his trademark popped-eyeball gag. It’s not a perfect movie in any way, but as a genuine work of horror filmmaking, The Beyond excels. B+

FOREVER EVIL (1987) Forever Evil is an interesting concept trapped in a listless production. Friends gathered at a woodsy lake house are butchered by supernatural boogeymen, one of which looks like a zombie leftover from Romero’s Day of the Dead. The only survivor of the massacre is enlisted by a woman with similar experiences to help figure out who or what is responsible for the murders. Why it takes nearly an hour to get down to brass tacks—the events are emanating from a creature of pre-history called Yog Kothag, which the filmmakers keep off screen—is just one of many frustrating elements of the screenplay, which despite touching on some Lovecraftian topics can’t distinguish itself from being just another Evil Dead rip-off. A missed opportunity which, if edited down from its lengthy 107-minutes, could have made for a passable time-waster—but as is, it’s just a waste of time. D+

NIGHTMARE SISTERS (1988) Three mousy sorority sisters are turned into sexed-up succubi after performing a séance with a cursed crystal ball. The women are portrayed by ‘80s scream queens Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer, so the movie’s predominately silly premise works, thanks to the actress’ comedic chemistry. Once the ladies are changed into nymphos, the plot consists of the busty trio seducing (usually topless) their male cohorts into bed and sucking out their souls by feeding off their tallywackers. No, seriously. The evil—looking and sounding like a Deadite leftover from Evil Dead II—is eventually expelled from the women by a bargain basement exorcist and, to the delight of the remaining virginal frat brothers, they still retain their magical bustlines. If anything, Nightmare Sisters offers a harmless, albeit moronic, viewing experience for the ‘80s nostalgia connoisseur. C+

Posted on

A Blade in the Dark, Food of the Gods 2, Murder Rock

A Blade in the Dark – 1983, Italy 108m. Director: Lamberto Bava.

Food of the Gods Part 2 – 1989, Canada, 91m. Director: Damien Lee.

Murder Rock: Dancing Death – 1984, Italy, 93m. Director: Lucio Fulci.

A BLADE IN THE DARK (1983) (AKA: House of the Dark Staircase) A novice composer, Bruno (Andrea Occhipinti), writing the score to a new horror movie is thrust into a real life nightmare when a woman is killed by a slasher outside his villa. The body vanishes but like David Hemmings in Blow-Up, Bruno becomes obsessed with the mystery and believes clues to the identity of the killer can be found in the last reel of the horror film he’s working on. A second woman is murdered by the maniac in the bathroom—the bathtub is painted red when her throat is sliced open with a carving knife—and the body again disappears. This Italian, Hitchcock-influenced chiller is accentuated by its Argento-like style but often feels padded in the story department, most likely the result of the movie’s conception as a television miniseries before it was denied by the censors and released theatrically. As it is, A Blade in the Dark is a watchable if routine thriller that should please giallo aficionados and gore fans alike. B–

FOOD OF THE GODS PART 2 (1989) (AKA: Gnaw: Food of the Gods 2) An experimental growth hormone grows out of whack and turns its test subjects (the common rat) into oversized beasts. The mutated rodents escape from a university lab and terrorize the campus by turning the population into rat chow. Scientist Paul Coufos’s warnings of danger are ignored by the campus dean, who’s more concerned with the grand opening of the school’s Olympic-sized swimming pool than by the student body being devoured by giant vermin. This subplot leads into the movie’s most memorable scene, where a group of synchronized swimmers are attacked Jaws-style. The film’s gore level is fairly high as body parts are severed and faces are graphically chewed off—one guy gets bitten on the ass while taking a leak in some bushes. The filmmakers try to offset the splatter by having the annoying girlfriend of Coufos continually lecturing him on the immorality of animal testing. Coufos eventually uses “The Pied Piper of Hamelin” to lure the rats to their demise in a sequence that reaches new heights in stupidity. Real rats are placed in miniature sets and are mostly convincing but the effects aren’t really any better than the same method used in the first Food of the Gods (1976), which has nothing to do with this dubious, in-name only sequel. D

MURDER ROCK: DANCING DEATH (1984) Competition at a New York dance academy is murder when the student body dwindles from the activities of a killer. The school’s star pupil is stabbed to death in the shower room, after which her moping boyfriend causes a scene during rehearsal by becoming the film’s red herring. The next student (who, like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance, moonlights as an adult entertainer) is strangled in her apartment—the maniac even kills the victim’s parakeet by sticking a pin in it. The massacred students doesn’t concern the school’s director (Olga Karlatos), who’s too busy lusting after a washed up B-model (Ray Lovelock) with an obvious link to her traumatizing past involving a hit-and-run. The lead detective spends more time chewing the scenery than solving the crimes, and prolongs this dramatically inept murder mystery to the point of exhaustion. By the time the killer is revealed viewers are more likely to have fallen asleep than be on the edge of their seats. A movie in need of a brain, and working light bulbs. One of Lucio Fulci’s worst. D+

Posted on

Beast of Yucca Flats, Rat Man, Return of the Exorcist

The Beast of Yucca Flats – 1961, US, 55m. Director: Coleman Francis.

Rat Man – 1988, Italy, 82m. Director: Giuliano Carnimeo.

The Return of the Exorcist – 1975, Italy, 89m. Director: Angelo Pannacciò, Luca Damiano.

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS (1961) A Russian scientist (Tor Johnson) on the lam with Soviet secrets is chased into the Nevada desert, where radiation from atomic bomb testing turns him into a disfigured killer. This notorious B&W cheapie lives up to its reputation as one of the worst movies of all time. Its plotless story structure is further harmed by a meandering pace, little-to-no dialogue, and a hackneyed voiceover narration that sounds like it was taken from an Ed Wood flick—in fact, producer Anthony Cardoza was one of Wood’s collaborators on Night of the Ghouls (1959), which also stars Johnson. Watch only if you wish to know the true meaning of suffering. This was Johnson’s last screen appearance before his death in 1971. F

RAT MAN (1988) A demented science experiment produces a two-foot monstrosity (Nelson de la Rosa) that escapes its cage and begins murdering people on a Caribbean island. An American (Janet Agren) in town to find out what happened to her fashion model sister—all her model friends have been shredded by the rat man—seeks the help of a mystery writer (David Warbeck), who just happens to understand how the plots of low-budget Italian slashers work. The two sleuths, along with a boneheaded photographer and his model girlfriend, stumble upon the scientist’s jungle lair where, in a revolting scene, the rat creature eviscerates the doctor’s assistant and gnaws on the innards. Rat Man was made by people who’ve worked on several Lucio Fulci films, for which many viewers is a sign of quality. For others, it’s a good reason to skip this fruitless bloodbath that isn’t nearly as over-the-top as you’d expect. Pity. C

THE RETURN OF THE EXORCIST (1975) (AKA: Cries and Shadows) A nun goes to check on her younger brother and finds the lad tied to a bed, spouting obscenities with his head twisted backwards. Through flashbacks we learn the teen in question (Jean-Claude Verné) has become the victim of a succubus who captured his soul through a photograph. Taking the form of voluptuous redhead, the succubus (Mimma Monticelli)—in a surprisingly clever sequence—tricks Verné into cutting its throat with a knife, simultaneously slicing open Verné’s girlfriend’s jugular, miles away at a disco. The number of lesbian love scenes is quite high as Monticelli seduces the majority of the female cast, including Verné’s Ellen Burstyn-like mother. After the obligatory failed medical tests, an exorcist (Richard Conte) is called in to cast the horny demon out once and for all. The special FX are convincing and done with a fair amount of detail—those expecting Dick Smith-level facial deformities and pea soup vomit might be disappointed by the lack of gratuitous gore. What Return of the Exorcist does offer is better acting, direction, and writing than you’d expect from what is really just another Italian clone of The Exorcist. But, in terms of rip-offs, this is one of the better ones. B–

Posted on

The Ghost Dance, Just Before Dawn, The Slasher

The Ghost Dance – 1982, US, 96m. Director: Peter F. Buffa.

Just Before Dawn – 1981, US, 91m. Director: Jeff Lieberman.

The Slasher… is the Sex Maniac! – 1972, Italy, 88m. Director: Roberto Bianchi Montero.

THE GHOST DANCE (1982) An archeological dig on Native American land releases a malevolent spirit that possesses a local man (Henry Bal) and turns him into a bloodthirsty killer. Bal cuts his wife’s throat before turning into a Rottweiler and tearing his neighbor to pieces. More murders threaten to shut down the excavation, which is overseen by anthropology professor (and Judith Light lookalike) Julie Amato, whose close attachment to the project makes her the perfect puppet for Bal’s mind games. Bal takes the form of a cat and sneaks into Amato’s home to watch her disrobe. Amato’s colleague (James Andronica) figures out what’s going on and is stabbed in the back (literally) by Bal before he can warn others. Amato’s boyfriend (Victor Mohica) seeks help from a medicine man/exorcist whose past experiences makes him the perfect candidate to ward off the evil entity. The Ghost Dance might lack substance but the filmmakers put more thought and characterization into the screenplay than you’d expect from a slasher vehicle. In fact, up until the predictable ending, The Ghost Dance is fairly taught stuff with good acting and clever makeup work. B

JUST BEFORE DAWN (1981) Backpackers venturing into deep Oregon wilderness are stalked by a machete-wielding madman and his equally demented twin brother. The friends turn a blind eye to hostile locals and signs of impending danger and—like the pompous city folk of Deliverance—move forward with their camping until they suffer a fate worse than death. The massacre begins with a hunter getting impaled through the crotch (in an especially gruesome moment, the serrated blade comes out the poor guy’s rear end). One of the newcomers is stabbed in the gut and left to bleed out while his friend is descended upon by the psychotic brothers in an intense scene. A mountain girl tries to help the remaining characters by flagging down a forest ranger (George Kennedy), but it’s the mild-mannered camper (Deborah Benson) who, in the midst of terror, transforms into a fighter and takes matters into her own hands, literally. Just Before Dawn contains the normal amount of stalk-n-slash cliches, but it’s too effectively made to write off as just another Friday the 13th clone. In terms of tone and atmosphere, the film actually has more in common with The Hills Have Eyes, and builds to a genuinely unsettling ending. Foreign prints run 102 minutes. B

THE SLASHER… IS THE SEX MANIAC (1972) (AKA: Penetration; The Slasher; So Sweet, So Dead) Unfaithful housewives are turning up maimed by a serial killer who leaves behind photos of the deceased having sex with their lovers. Detective Farley Granger refers to the victims as “whores” and immediately becomes Prime Suspect No. 1, as well as losing sympathy votes with the audience. Several married women discuss the crimes while lounging nude at a day spa. In one of the most obvious red herring subplots of all time, Granger discovers the local coroner is a weirdo who takes pictures of his female clientele. Granger’s professor friend (Chris Avram) suggests the killer is either homosexual or impotent, but taking anything seriously in this incredulous movie would be a mistake. In a completely tasteless move, Granger allows the maniac to carve up his cheating wife before unmasking the killer and shooting him dead. Whatta hero! An uninspired Italian slasher that reeks of misogyny. Graphic scenes involving porn king Harry Reems were apparently inserted into the American release, but I doubt even hardcore nudity could liven up this dead turkey. D

Posted on

Evils of the Night, Memorial Valley Massacre, Tales from the Darkside

Evils of the Night – 1985, US, 85m. Director: Mardi Rustam.

Memorial Valley Massacre – 1988, US, 92m. Director: Robert Hughes.

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie – 1990, US, 93m. Director: John Harrison.

EVILS OF THE NIGHT (1985) Aliens that look suspiciously like 1960s bombshells Julie Newmar (Catwoman in the Batman TV series) and Tina Louise (Ginger from Gilligan’s Island) subject teens to medical tests before draining their blood as a food source. The otherworldly beings bamboozle a couple of bumpkins (Neville Brand and Aldo Ray) into kidnapping their victims from a local swimming hole crawling with half-naked babes and horny jocks. Clad in Lycra miniskirts, the aliens and their busty minions use a hospital to cover up their devious actions, which conveniently saves the filmmakers from spending money on building a spaceship (judging from the production, the budget was probably around the same as an Al Adamson film). Several teenagers are kept in the basement of an auto repair shop and tormented by Brand, who skewers a blonde with a power drill when she tries to escape. The aliens ultimately fail at their experiments, with Louise melting into a puddle of green liquid before head alien scientist John Carradine flies back into outer space. Evils of the Night is cheap and unconvincing within the context of sci-fi/horror. The acting is ludicrous and the special effects are barely noticeable. It is, however, unabashedly entertaining in a train wreck way, with Ray in howlingly awful form. Worth watching for the bad movie lover. Ed Wood would be proud! B–

MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE (1988) (AKA: Memorial Day) The grand opening of the Memorial Valley campground is hijacked by a bucktoothed halfwit who takes a disliking to the abundance of annoying vacationers who’ve invaded his territory. Since the majority of the characters are cretins, douchebags, and tools, the viewer will cheer for the bloody antics of the killer (Mark Caso) who, decked out in a dime store caveman getup, whittles down the camp’s population with axes, spears, and crude booby traps. The most irritating of the lot is an overweight brat who’s beaten with a log and his body dumped in a trash heap. A war vet and his bimbo wife are blown to bits in their RV after Caso ruptures the gas line. The kills are often elaborate and well-executed but the film itself is too flat to muster any excitement over. The same can be said about the screenplay, which spends too much time on a boring squabble between head ranger John Karry and the camp owner’s son (Mark Mears). That subplot goes nowhere, much like this incessantly moronic film. D

TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE (1990) Big screen adaptation of the syndicated anthology television series created by George A. Romero, who in bitter irony wrote the weakest of the three stories featured in the movie. The first (and best) tale is written by Michael McDowell and based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s short story about the resurrection of a 3,000 year old mummy used in a gruesome revenge plot. Romero’s take on a Stephen King tale results in the disappointing sophomore segment involving a hitman who meets his match in the form of a demonic cat. The final chapter livens things up with a terrific K.N.B. FX creature that comes to life after a lovelorn artist fails to keep a secret. Tales from the Darkside might not be on the same level as other anthology titles (namely Creepshow) but it’s entertaining, well paced, and a spotlight for a plethora of talented actors, including Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore, James Remar, Rae Dawn Chong, and in the film’s wraparound, rocker Debbie Harry as a suburban cannibal. Flawed but fun. B

Please check Just Watch for streaming info.

Posted on

Bloodmoon, Nightwing, Return of the Living Dead II

Bloodmoon – 1990, Australia, 100m. Director: Alec Mills.

Nightwing – 1979, US, 104m. Director: Arthur Hill.

Return of the Living Dead Part II – 1988, US, 89m. Director: Ken Wiederhorn.

BLOODMOON (1990) Posh St. Elizabeth’s School for Girls becomes the stomping ground for a savage killer in this Prom Night/Final Exam/House on Sorority Row clone made in Australia. The maniac’s choice of weapon is a piece of barbed wire he uses to garrote his victims before gouging their eyes out and cutting off their fingers—he later conceals the bodies in soil as to not bring attention to his crimes. The woodsy location gives the killer the perfect opportunity to sneak up on the multitude of students having sex, and supplying viewers with copious amounts of bared breasts. The film’s whodunit angle is dropped halfway through when it’s revealed the murderer is a nebbish cuckold who’s set off by the sight of embracing lovers. After a good start, the movie descends into tedious melodrama involving bland characters and uninteresting situations that are exacerbated by a needlessly long 100-minute runtime. If anything, Bloodmoon is an example of a subgenre well past its prime. C

NIGHTWING (1979) A small Indian reservation in New Mexico is bombarded by vampire bats as the result of a Native American curse. The surrounding lands are at first affected by a series of animal mutilations that bewilder the locals, that is until the sheriff’s (Nick Mancuso) adoptive father—the High Priest who cursed the land—is killed the same way. A scientist (David Warner) tries to warn authorities of the impending bat threat but his words fall on deaf ears. The hotshot tribal councilman (Stephen Macht) who wishes to sell the land to an oil company wants to keep the bat attacks under wraps, especially when Warner discovers the bats are carrying a strain of bubonic plague. Nightwing is based on a book, but the film is modeled after Spielberg’s Jaws—there’s even a climactic sequence where Mancuso’s law officer and Warner’s bat expert team up in an effort to destroy the winged menace. This would work if Nightwing stuck to its when-animals-attack principles, but instead the screenplay wallows in Native American folklore and Mancuso’s disillusioned cop to the point the viewer loses interest long before the fiery ending. C

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II (1988) More zombie shenanigans as another canister of weaponized gas is unleashed onto an unsuspecting populace. This time the toxin is released by a trio of middle schoolers who spread the contagion to their quiet suburban neighborhood by turning the place into a zombie jamboree. The decision to front-load Part 2 with heavy amounts of slapstick might have been due to the recent popularity in more kid-friendly fair like The Naked Gun. This would also explain making an eleven-year-old comic book nerd (Michael Kenworthy) the hero. So memorable in the earlier movie, both James Karen and Thom Mathews return but play completely different characters, showing what little thought went into what is essentially just a retread of the first film. Director/writer Ken Wiederhorn previously helmed the atmospheric chiller Shock Waves (1977). C

Check Just Watch for streaming info!

Posted on

Autopsy, Opera, The Prowler

Autopsy – 1975, Italy, 100m. Director: Armando Crispino.

Opera – 1987, Italy, 107m. Director: Dario Argento.

The Prowler – 1981, US, 89m. Director: Joseph Zito.

AUTOPSY (1975) (AKA: The Victim) A heatwave coincides with a series of suicides in Rome. A woman slashes her wrist with a razor, while a man sets himself on fire inside his car. Another man machine guns himself in the chest while his two children lay dying beside him. Nervous medical student Mimsy Farmer, who has the personality of a tick, investigates the recent string of deaths when her pretty neighbor turns up on the slab with a self-inflicted bullet to the head. Farmer is joined by the victim’s boorish brother (Barry Primus) who believes Farmer’s real estate mogul father had something to do with his sister’s demise. There’s a suggestion that solar flares are responsible for the mysterious deaths, but the screenplay shifts to a boring subplot involving a murder cover-up. Stiff and overlong, and Farmer is massively unappealing as the protagonist. D

OPERA (1987) (AKA: Terror at the Opera) A young opera singer (Cristina Marsillach) is terrorized by a demented fiend in this twisted take on the Phantom of the Opera scenario—as only Dario Argento could tell it. The night Marsillach makes her debut in Verdi’s Macbeth brings joy and terror after a stagehand is impaled in the head by a mad slasher who later kidnaps the singer and forces her to watch him murder her lover by taping needles under her eyelids. In a particularly gruesome detail, the killer’s blade slices into the man’s jaw and protrudes through the inside of his mouth. The next victim gets her throat cut open after accidentally swallowing a piece of evidence that belongs to the maniac. Most of the bloodshed is accompanied by a heavy metal soundtrack, although the best scene is done in slow motion as the bullet from a fired gun travels through a peephole and through the head of Marsillach’s agent (Daria Nicolodi). Other visual trickery includes close-ups of a pulsating brain, signifying the killer’s proximity to Marsillach. As with the majority of films in the Argento canon, character and plot aren’t as important as style, in which case Opera delivers. A good example is the discovery of the killer’s identity through the use of the opera’s live ravens, who earlier attacked the madman after he killed several of the birds. The overblown ending doesn’t do much other than prove to the viewer that the film should have ended ten minutes earlier. B–

THE PROWLER (1981) The return of Avalon Bay’s graduation dance 35 years after an unsolved double murder ignites a new series of slaying by someone in army fatigues. The film wastes little time in getting to the red stuff, which is dumped out by the gallon. A man getting ready for the dance is skewered through the head with a bayonet, after which his girlfriend is impaled with a pitchfork in the shower. The police check on an invalid in a wheelchair who lives next to the girls’ dormitory and discover the missing old man was the father of one of the victims from 1944. The prowler sneaks past the cops and slices open the class bimbo’s throat in the swimming pool—as her body sinks below the water, air bubbles escape from the open wound, giving the scene a chillingly realistic touch. The rest of The Prowler is standard slasher fair done with a level of professionalism many other slashers of the time lacked, including good acting and a few suspenseful set pieces. Tom Savini’s special effects are top-notch and Joseph Zito’s direction polished. B

Please check Just Watch for current streaming info!