The Bride – 1985, UK, 118m. Director: Franc Roddam.
Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell – 1986, US, 67m. Director: Don Swan.
Rush Week – 1989, US, 96m. Director: Bob Bralver.
THE BRIDE (1985) Before he created the television juggernaut MasterChef, Franc Roddam directed this flashy reimagining of Bride of Frankenstein starring eighties icons Sting and Jennifer (Flashdance) Beals. In order to appease his domesticated creation (Clancy Brown), Baron Frankenstein (Sting) makes a mate in the form of beautiful Eva (Beals), who the Baron ends up grooming into his world of aristocratic wealth after Brown is declared destroyed in a freak lab explosion. Still very much alive, Brown meets a promiscuous little person (David Rappaport) and the two travel the country, where they end up joining a circus in Budapest. It’s fun to see the monsters perceived as more intellectual beings but The Bride‘s screenplay doesn’t give them much to do other than wallow in the story’s heavy use of melodrama—a subplot involving the romancing of the bride by a dashing soldier (Cary Elwes) feels like needless filler. This is still nonetheless a well-acted and polished film—and better than the bloated Kenneth Branagh-helmed Frankenstein starring De Niro. Screenwriter Lloyd Fonvielle would dabble in the monsterverse again with the 1999 remake of The Mummy. Look for Quintin Crisp and Timothy Spall in small roles. C+
GORE-MET, ZOMBIE CHEF FROM HELL (1986) There’s low rent, and then there’s low rent. And then there’s Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell, a fifth-rate Blood Feast (1963) wannabe made by people completely devoid of talent and creativity. In the thirteenth century, a man named Goza (Theo Depuay) is cursed by his fellow occult members to live for all eternity as a cannibal. Flash forward to modern day Charlotte, North Carolina, where Goza is the owner of a popular barbecue joint that uses human meat as its main ingredient. A health inspector threatens the place with closure but Goza turns him into the soup of the day. A customer proposes marriage to his girlfriend only to later discover the engagement ring in his hamburger after she disappears. The formless story is sporadically narrated by Goza, who spouts uninteresting dialogue directly to the camera. The acting is subpar, the jokes fall flat, and the splatter consists of mundane aftermath shots of plastic body parts basted with fake blood. Shockingly, Gore-Met predates the similar Blood Diner, which compared to this looks like a high-class production. F
RUSH WEEK (1989) Coed disappearances at Tambers University makes a hot story for aspiring journalist Pamela Ludwig, whose assigned topic of fraternity life during college rush week doesn’t stimulate her creative juices. All that changes when someone in a black robe and wielding a ceremonial axe begins chopping up the student body. Suspects come in the form of brooding frat hunk Dean Hamilton, who’s got eyes for Ludwig, and university dean Roy Thinnes, whose pretty daughter was mysteriously murdered the year before. Gorehounds will be turned off by the substantial lack of blood, but others will rejoice over the amount of naked bodies (male and female) bouncing into frame. Most of the been-there/done-that plot stems from the majority of slasher’s past, but Rush Week is well acted by a likable cast and features enough suspense and humor to make the passing grade. B–