The Astro-Zombies – 1968, US, 93m. Director: Ted V. Mikels.
Mind Killer – 1987, US, 86m. Director: Michael Krueger.
Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge – 1989, US, 91m. Director: Richard Friedman.
Zombie Nightmare – 1987, Canada, 83m. Director: Jack Bravman.
THE ASTRO-ZOMBIES (1968) Former president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Wendell Corey, slums it in this rip-off of every Ed Wood movie from the fifties. Corey plays a G-Man looking for mad scientist John Carradine, who’s concocted a plan to create a race of superhuman beings—just like Bela Lugosi in Bride of the Monster—via “astro science” (i.e. assembling body parts from the recently dead to build Frankenstein-like zombies). Carradine’s creations ultimately get the best of him and go on a massacre. Plastic special effects abound. The gory action is intermixed with scenes involving a spy ring and the CIA, most likely due to the recent release of the James Bond film You Only Live Twice. With its plethora of polyester suits, beehive hairstyles, and knee-high boots, The Astro-Zombies will most likely cure anybody inflicted with nostalgia for the sixties. D (Currently streaming on Tubi.)
MIND KILLER (1987) Nebbish librarian Warren (Joe McDonald), who has no luck in meeting Ms. Right, stumbles upon a manuscript that promises the power of mind control. Despite being told by his coworker that the author was mysteriously murdered, Warren becomes obsessed with the document and turns into a regular Buddy Love. His newfound abilities spin out of control (in a squeamish scene, a coworker has his fingers sliced by a rogue paper cutter) and manifest into a small, sack-like creature that slowly bursts out of his body. Mind Killer borrows ideas from H.P. Lovecraft within the context of a low-budget direct-to-video movie, but there’s a good deal of care that went into the production. The acting and direction are solid, the make-up effects inventive, and the writing witty. The script’s funniest moment is when Warren’s roommate, in response to someone wondering how to get into politics, suggests, “Make bad movies. Third-rate actors have great success in politics.” Sadly, director Michael Krueger passed away a few years after the film was released. By no means a masterpiece, Mind Killer is harmless trash done well. B (Currently streaming on Tubi.)
PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC’S REVENGE (1989) Fire-scarred Eric (Derek Rydall), the victim of sleazy land developers who a year earlier torched his house (and his face), haunts the air ducts of Midwood Mall, seeking justice against his oppressors. Eric’s arsenal of weapons includes fan blades that turn a security guard’s face into meat pie, a forklift that squashes another guard against an electrical box and causes the poor guy’s eyeballs to pop out, and a cobra(!) that’s filtered into the mall’s plumbing and conveniently slithers out of an occupied toilet, promptly chomping a man’s tallywacker. All of this comes blind to the mall’s bigwigs—including the Beauty Queen mayor, played effortlessly by Morgan Fairchild—none of whom seem the slightest bit worried when bodies start to pile up. They’re saving face over the mall’s dishonest origins, and the writers of this movie are saving face over the screenplay’s slow descent into the tried and true slasher formula. But for Phantom of the Mall, none of the half-baked ideas work. The film never sticks to its Gaston Leroux-inspired satirical elements, or the more serious splatter/body count flick it really wants to be. The movie has several humorous moments, including the spectacular demise of Fairchild, and the mall setting is a nice tongue-in-cheek element—but when Pauly Shore ends up being the funniest character in a movie, you might wanna reconsider. Co-writer Robert King became a prevalent television writer, known mostly for The Good Wife. C+ (Currently streaming on Shudder.)
ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE (1987) With better directing, acting, writing, and production accoutrements, Zombie Nightmare could have been a decent little film. Unfortunately it doesn’t have any of those and is mostly the pits. Young Tony Washington is witness to his father’s death at the hands of a pair of racist greasers. Years later, the now musclebound Tony (Thor frontman Jon Mikl Thor) becomes the victim of a hit-and-run, courtesy of a douchebag (future Hollywood director/producer Shawn Levy) and his cretinous friends. Tony’s mother seeks help from a voodoo witch doctor, who turns Tony into a ghoul-faced zombie hellbent on some much-deserved family justice. The rest of the movie revolves around the unimaginative—and bloodless—kills at the hands of the zombified Tony, all accompanied by the heavy metal rock soundtrack of Motörhead, Girlschool, and (naturally) Thor. Batman himself, Adam West, gets top billing, but his participation is limited. Wise choice, Adam. D (Currently streaming on Tubi.)