Warning: This post contains spoilers!
By Frank Pittarese
I went into the new Scream with low expectations, but wanting so badly to love it. It wasn’t the most necessary of sequels, but knowing that the original cast was returning was exciting. If nothing else, I was looking forward to checking in with their characters again. But since this was the fifth film in the series, the stakes needed to be high. This one needed to matter. We’ve already had four films with essentially the same plot, so if this “requel” didn’t level up, it would be a pointless. In my mind, that meant one of two things had to happen: Sidney Prescott had to die in a blaze of glory — or Sidney Prescott had to be the killer. But whichever way it went, it was time to close the door on Sidney’s too-long arc.
Scream 5 is, unfortunately, a half-baked regurgitation of what has come before. Self-referential? Check. Multiple killers? Check. Killers motivated by fame? Check. It’s fair to say that we want some familiar touchstones — the template for every Friday the 13th is practically the same and I never get sick of those. But with the Scream franchise — thanks to Wes Craven’s genre-defining launch — there’s an expectation of something better…a level of quality that should rise above a by-the-numbers, lazy, cash-grab
But that’s what we got. Oh, all our favorites are back — but every one of them is here strictly for fan service. The “old school” characters are hollow window-dressing in a story that disrespects every one of them. Apart from a phone call with Dewey, Sidney is sidelined for the first hour. Dewey and Gale have, for no justifiable reason, divorced between films — and to really drive a nail in the coffin, Dewey is killed off at the halfway point. He dies like a chump before ever reconciling with Gale. They barely even share screen time. Were you a Randy fan? Well, his teenage niece and nephew have been created for the sole purpose of name-dropping him multiple times. How about Billy? Well, one of the newbies is Billy’s daughter, retconned for the sole purpose of — what did I say? Fan service, and insulting fan service, to boot.
The mystery, such as it is, is rendered pointless when, in the final act, the main killer simply whips out a gun and starts shooting people. It’s like the screenwriters grew tired of their own laziness and gave up. Sidney and Gale, two strong women with a history of conflict, arrive on the scene and for a brief flash, I had hope. Maybe this was the point for Sidney and Gale to bond, work together, and save the day. But no, Gale is shot within seconds of meeting the killer. She survives, but the possibility of seeing something different or interesting play out evaporated at that moment.
The lead actress — playing our new Sidney, I suppose — is a bland, blank slate. Neve Campbell is the embodiment of the word “personality,” and gave us a character we could invest in for decades. This new girl, Sam, is just a CW character gone astray. She brings nothing to the table.
The one surprise is the second killer. Not that there IS a second killer, because that’s pretty apparent early on. It’s their identity that was a surprise. Somehow, they managed to structure the story and cast a performer who worked so well that I was honestly taken aback in a good way.
Word is, there’s another sequel coming. Nobody is asking for it, but we’re getting it. Perhaps they’ll redeem themselves, but given the mess Scream 5 left behind, I wouldn’t count on it. D+
Frank is a Brooklyn native, comic book editor, and horror fanatic. You can follow him on Twitter and Instagram