Don’t Answer the Phone – 1980, US, 94m. Director: Robert Hammer. Streaming: N/A
Don’t Go in the House – 1980, US, 82m, 92m (integral cut). Director: Joseph Ellison. Streaming: Roku Channel, Tubi
Don’t Go in the Woods – 1981, US, 81m. Director: James Bryan. Streaming: Tubi
DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE (1980) Kirk Smith (Nicholas Worth) is a giggling, mentally disturbed, father-obsessed Vietnam vet who goes around Los Angeles strangling and raping woman, and then calling and tormenting radio psychologist, Dr. Gale (Flo Gerrish), with his exploits. When Smith murders one of Gale’s patients she’s partnered with brutish cop, McCabe (James Westmoreland)—who just happens to hate psychology—to try and catch him. Much like Lustig’s Maniac, Don’t Answer the Phone tries to make us sympathize with the killer by painting him as a victim of society; war and toxic masculinity are the obvious themes the screenplay (by director Robert Hammer, and Michael D. Castle) is kicking around. Despite its limitations, DATP is surprisingly tense and much grittier than your post-Friday the 13th slashers. The acting is above par and the L.A. locations lend the film a sense of authenticity. Unfortunately, a needless subplot involving an investigation into a drug ring and a stupid romance between Gale and McCabe—surprise!—kills a lot of the momentum. C+
DON’T GO IN THE HOUSE (1980) The Psycho influences run thick and fast in this bleak slasher. Donny (Dan Grimaldi) is an emotionally scarred man-child who lives in a decaying hilltop house with his sick mother. Sound familiar? When Mommie Dearest dies in her sleep it sends Donny into a tailspin of emotions. Naturally, he builds a fireproof room in his house for which he can burn alive women who remind him of mother—cue the flashback of Mom holding young Donny’s arms over an open flame. A particularly brutal flick, Don’t Go in the House doesn’t tread lightly and presents its subject matter seriously, with Grimaldi giving a restrained but effective performance, even when delivering a ham-fisted monologue about his bullied existence to a room of charred corpses. Like Don’t Answer the Phone, the movie spends too much time trying to paint Donny as a victim of his environment, but nobody watching is going to sympathize with someone who kills simply because the screenplay calls for it. A flawed but gripping shocker. Also known as The Burning. B
DON’T GO IN THE WOODS (1981) A good example of the term “so bad it’s good.” Filmed in the beautiful Rocky Mountains of Utah, the movie follows four backpackers who run into a murderous wild man while camping in the nearby forest. The movie jettisons story and character and goes straight for the jugular, delivering a badly directed and edited mess of nonstop carnage and misplaced humor—within the first ten minutes four hikers are hacked to pieces, including a poor birdwatcher who gets his arm lopped off. Within this bloody hodgepodge is a genuine sense of joy from the filmmakers and cast, all of whom seem to be having a great time. Among the many OTT moments include an artist who is repeatedly stabbed and pinned to her canvas, a camper strung up inside her sleeping bag and impaled multiple times, a man beheaded in his own wheelchair, and a victim who stumbles upon the maniac’s dilapidated cabin and is shish kabob’d with a machete. Continuity errors and some truly bizarre music aside, DGITW is too much fun to ignore—it’s actually very hard not to like. Make sure you stick around for the closing credits song. B+