976-EVIL – 1988, US, 92m. Director: Robert Englund.
Neon Maniacs – 1986, US, 90m. Director: Joseph Mangine.
Rabid – 1977, Canada, 91m. Director: David Cronenberg.
The Supernaturals – 1986, US, 90m. Director: Armand Mastroianni.
976-EVIL (1988) Robert (Freddy Krueger) Englund made his directorial debut with this visually arresting but generic film about Satanic possession in the 20th century world of 1-900 phone lines. Patrick O’Bryan is a gambling-addicted high schooler who lives with his nerdy cousin (Stephen Geoffreys) and overbearing religious fanatic aunt (Sandy Dennis). O’Bryan ultimately stumbles upon a “horrorscope” hotline that promises to fulfill his every desire—but at a price. He dials in and immediately begins winning big at the poker table, while Geoffreys does a little phoning himself and scores with the local babe. Geoffrey’s lucky streak runs out and he’s beaten up by a gang of badly dressed punks, which triggers him into redialing the direct line to Satan and becoming the embodiment of pure evil. There’s an interesting idea in here, but unfortunately it gets lost in sea of monotonous characters and a half-baked plot that disintegrates into a rip-off of the more entertaining Evilspeak (1981). Englund’s direction is assured but empty, while Geoffreys—so colorful as “Evil” Ed in Fright Night—is wasted in an underwritten role. The movie’s imagination flourishes in the last twenty minutes, offering an appropriately fiery climax, and securing 976-EVIL II‘s production a few years later. C+ (Currently streaming on Tubi.)
NEON MANIACS (1986) The oldest looking teens this side of 90210 are stalked and slaughtered by a gang of mutated killers in Golden Gate Park. The sole survivor (Leilani Sarelle) informs the police but, naturally, they don’t believe her. Sarelle’s monster-loving classmate (Donna Locke) investigates and finds out the Maniacs have a lair under the Golden Gate Bridge; a strange hideaway considering water is the only source of destroying the mutants—a splash turns one of the madmen into a puddle of blood and slime. But common sense is not something the Neon Maniacs script is rife with, and frankly, neither is character development, story structure, or much of anything in the vein of good filmmaking. The plot is littered with unbelievable coincidences, and nobody but our main protagonists seems to notice these towering monsters, despite the fact our heroes live in San Francisco. What Neon Maniacs does offer is impressive makeup FX by Allan A. Apone and Douglas J. White. It’s just a shame they aren’t featured in a better movie. C (Currently streaming on Tubi.)
RABID (1977) An experimental skin graft turns a young woman (Marilyn Chambers) into some sort of vampiric predator. The twist is that she sucks the blood of her victims from a parasitic stinger that emerges from her armpit. Instead of killing her subjects, her bite (or sting) turns them into pale-faced ghouls with an appetite for human flesh. An interesting mix of elements taken from Night of the Living Dead and a typical vampire film, Rabid plays with the same theme of David Cronenberg’s previous horror feature, Shivers, in which seemingly normal-minded people are turned into ravenous monsters. And just as with Shivers, sexuality is an obvious subtext for the spreading of the virus—Chambers’s stinger protrudes from an orifice-like hole and penetrates her (mostly) male casualties. Chambers is quite good, and the plague/contamination subplot is eerily effective, and reminiscent of recent history. Interestingly enough, an attack sequence taking place inside a mall predates Romero’s Dawn of the Dead by a year. B (Currently streaming on Prime.)
THE SUPERNATURALS (1986) Army personnel on a training exercise in some Virginia woods interrupt the slumber of murdered Confederate soldiers that come back from the dead for revenge. A soldier discovers a hidden underground bunker with the rotting remains of its former Rebel inhabitants. The wife of one of the murdered Rebs returns as a ghost to warn the characters of impending doom, but fails miserably when the army brats start getting picked off by the zombified cavalry. The film plods as slowly as its musty antagonists—nothing much exciting happens within the first forty minutes. Even after the zombies start walking and—gasp!—using artillery against the modern-day soldiers, the movie fails to muster any suspense. The breathing characters are a forgettable mix of macho military caricatures that you feel nothing for when they meet their maker. The Supernaturals is such a lousy production it’s rather difficult to believe Nichelle Nichols, Maxwell Caulfield, Talia Balsam, and LeVar Burton had anything to do with it—but here they are, slumming it (especially Caulfield whose performance is so lifeless you’d think he was auditioning to be one of the walking stiffs). Director Armand Mastroianni made the much better and atmospheric He Knows You’re Alone (1982). D (Currently available on YouTube.)