Bloody but dumb, 1985’s shot-on-video slasher, BLOOD CULT, centers around a small college town targeted by a black-gloved maniac curving up the (mostly female) student body with a meat cleaver. Practically plotless and lacking any shred of character structure, Blood Cult exists solely to exhibit its excessive splatter, and it does it rather well. Within the first 15 minutes we’re greeted with a woman having her head cut off, and another getting clubbed to death with said decapitated head!
Unfortunately the rest of the movie is comprised of lifeless police procedural scenes and uninspired dialogue, although director Christopher Lewis should get credit as the flick is better made then it should be. Super cheap, but fascinating in the same Z-grade storytelling way as the films of H.G. Lewis. Be warned: even at just 89 minutes this feels too long. C
1987’s OPEN HOUSE has a good concept for an ’80s slasher, but sadly never delivers the goods. The movie immediately gets off on the wrong foot opening with the suicide of a teenager while she’s getting “therapy” from radio personality, Dr. David Kelley (Joseph Bottoms). Dr. Kelley (uninterested in the poor woman’s plight) is too busy making paper airplanes and feeding her snide remarks that when she pulls the trigger on-air it isn’t much of a surprise. Way to go, Doc!
Meanwhile, over in Beverly Hills and on the brink of selling a house, a poor realtor discovers the decomposing body of her coworker in the upstairs bathtub. This doesn’t bod well for competing realtor, Lisa Grant (Adrianne Barbeau), as the police pin the murder on a serial killer who’s knocking off local real estate agents, and even some of their clients! But not to worry! Lisa’s boyfriend just happens to be good ole Doc Kelley, who’ll save the day. Right?
Open House could have been a splatter classic but it misses every mark possible. It offers lovely California settings, big houses, beautiful blonde bombshells, and a likable Final Girl in Barbeau, yet all of it is lost in the lifeless screenplay. Jag Mundhra (Hack-o-Lantern) muddies up the water with stiff, amateurish direction, which never gives any of the characters time to gel with its audience. Not that the characters are worth getting to know: Lisa is personable but empty, and Kelley is an unsympathetic asshole, made worse by Bottoms’s unconvincing performance. D+
Nobody did direct-to-video splatter quite like Christopher Lewis. You know? He direct that little classic you just read about above, Blood Cult. In his 1986 follow-up, THE RIPPER, Lewis (barely) expands his pallet by offering up a pseudo quasi period piece. Pretty audacious for a movie that most likely cost no more than a first class plane ticket to Australia. While only one scene actually takes place in the past, credit should be given to Lewis for creating a fairly well done opening, in which a young woman is stalked and killed by Jack the Ripper in 1888.
Just as with Blood Cult, Lewis takes us back to college. Here, we meet Professor Richard Harwell (Tom Schreier), who’s teaching a new course on famous crimes, the central subject of which is, yes, the Whitechapel murders. Harwell finds a strange, gaudy ring at a second-hand store and, after putting in on, begins to have visions of brutally murdering his girlfriend. When Harwell discovers someone was killed that same night in gruesome fashion, he investigates and finds out the ring once belonged to Jack the Ripper. Naturally he buys it, and, yes, you got it! The bodies start to pile up and the guts spill out.
As with Blood Cult, The Ripper is a low-grade, low-fi tacky gorefest. But unlike Blood Cult, here Lewis is trying for more than just gore for gore’s sake. The characters are more developed than you’d think and there’s a sense of humor that most of these kinds of flicks lack. But, that’s not to say The Ripper is good. Far from it. It’s slowly paced and in need of serious editing down from its lengthy 102-minutes. And Tom Savini might get top billing, but his participation in the film (as the physical manifestation of Jack the Ripper) equals less than five minutes of screen time. C+
The Ripper is currently streaming on Tubi.
Zombies were no stranger to the ’80s and quickly infiltrated the video market, with the 1987 VHS cult classic, THE VIDEO DEAD, being a highlight. Upon accidentally receiving a strange television set that was meant to be shipped to the Institute for Paranormal Research, writer Henry Jordan (Michael St. Michaels) is killed after discovering the TV is a portal in which zombies, and other beings, can enter our world. Several months later, a family purchases Jordan’s house, unaware that the supernatural TV still resides in the attic.
When teenager Jeff (Rocky Duvall) finds the TV and turns it on, he’s seduced by an Elviraesque woman who steps out into the real world but only to be killed by someone called the Garbage Man (Cliff Watts). This mystery person warns Jeff to lock the TV away and place a mirror in front of it. But, it’s too late for Jeff, his sister, Zoe (Roxanne Augesen), and pretty neighbor, April (Victoria Bastel), as zombies invade their suburban street and turn their world upside down.
An energetic horror comedy, The Video Dead has more charm and spunk than the similarly-themed Return of the Living Dead II. While it borrows elements from Evil Dead, Romero, and even Return of the Living Dead, the flick has its own style and sense of humor, and a likable cast of characters. There’s a particularly gnarly scene were a downed zombie is cut up with a chainsaw, revealing his rat-infested innards. Hardcore zombie aficionados should enjoy it. Everyone else might want to give this low-fi puppy a wide berth. Best scene: a zombie stuffing a victim into a washing machine and turning on the spin cycle. B+
The Video Dead is available on Blu-ray from Shout! Factory.
Just when you thought it was safe to putt…
Last but not least is another horror comedy that deserves a second look, 1989’s BLADES. A spirited Jaws parody, the movie takes place at the lovely Tall Grass Country Club golf course where newly appointed golf pro, Roy Kent (Robert North), has a hard time fitting in with the yuppies, disgruntled employees, and especially the club’s owner, Norm Osgood (William Towner).
Meanwhile, something loud and fast is sneaking its way around the club, slicing up anybody who gets in its way. When the mutilated bodies start showing up on and around the greens, all eyes point to the unstable groundskeeper, Deke Slade (Jeremy Whelan). But when Kent checks Slade’s lawnmower for body parts and finds only lawn clippings, he requests Osgood to close the golf course before the big tournament. As you might have guessed, the tournament continues, making it prime time for a giant, possessed lawnmower to make mincemeat out of a poor schmuck.
Silly, funny, and surprisingly suspenseful, Blades is first-rate direct-to-vid stuff. From its terrific pre-credits sequence (both satirizing and respecting the opening of Jaws), to its well-paced and exciting cat-and-mouse finale, Blades is the kind of low-budget horror flick that doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Initially dismissed as just another dumb Jaws clone, Blades is actually very smart and extremely detailed: all the scenes are executed perfectly, especially the recreations of the most famous ones from the Spielberg film.
The characters are likable, especially Slade, who’s the movie’s Quint, and the energy never lets up. If you can sit back and turn your brain off you might be able to enjoy this little bit of ’80s absurdity. To sum things up, Blades is better than both Jaws 3 and Jaws: The Revenge. (Make sure you watch through until after the credits!) A–
Blades is available on Blu-ray from Vinegar Syndrome and is currently streaming on Tubi.