Terror Out of the Sky – 1978, US, 94m. Director: Lee H. Katzin. Streaming: N/A
THE BEES (1978) The myth of the African killer bee created a cottage industry for filmmakers in the mid-to-late ’70s, with many independent directors ready to cash in on Irwin Allen’s The Swarm. What these filmmakers didn’t take into account was the moviegoing public’s disinterest in the subject matter. But you have to admire people like Alfredo Zacharias who, despite their limitations, make movies as fascinatingly bad as The Bees. A South American apiary operated by a smug scientist (Claudio Brook)—who patronizes the locals by speaking to them in slow, broken English—is destroyed by angry villagers after a child is killed by the “devil bees.” These hybrid bees are the result of a failed experiment to create a bee which can produce more honey, turning the insects aggressive and deadly. The bees make their way to the States, causing chaos in the streets, with a lot of scenes of people waving their arms around wildly in some of the worst “I’m-being-stung-by-bees!” acting you’ve ever seen. Bee experts John Saxon, Angel Thompkins, and John Carradine eventually figure out a plan to stop the killer bees by turning them gay. No, I’m not kidding. Ultimately, they fail and the bees take over the world, even learning to communicate with man. A really idiotic attempt at trying to make honey bees look scary, this is further harmed by too much use of stock footage (one clip clearly originated in the early ’60s) and some truly abysmal music. Saxon gets thrown through a window, while Carradine chews up the scenery—as well as his old Dracula accent. Probably the only killer bee movie to feature a Jimmy Carter lookalike! A real groaner; for hardcore Saxon completists and military stock footage enthusiasts only. What did I expect from the director of Demonoid? D–
THE DEADLY BEES(1967) Mod pop singer Vickie Robbins (Suzanna Leigh) has reached her wits end when she collapses on a Top of the Pops-type television show and is later instructed by her doctor to rest for three weeks. Vickie is sent to recuperate at the island farm of her doctor’s friend, Ralph (Guy Doleman), a beekeeper and all-around sourpuss. When Ralph isn’t mincing words with his equally depressed wife (Catherine Finn), he’s experimenting with his bees, which, unbeknownst to Vickie, are mobilizing to kill selected people via a chemical fragrance known as the “scent of fear.” Despite its silly plot, The Deadly Bees is fairly taut, with a likable protagonist in Leigh and a good performance by veteran Brit actor Frank Finlay as Ralph’s neighbor—who might be keeping a secret of his own. A fun little Amicus production with dated special effects but good direction from Freddie Francis, and a satisfying conclusion. B
THE SAVAGE BEES(1976) Hokey but very entertaining telefilm in which a mysterious freight of South American killer bees is accidentally opened, releasing the massive swarm off the coast of New Orleans and onto an unsuspecting populace—and just in time for Mardi Gras! The simple premise and minimalist production values help with the overall impact, creating a genuine sense of panic and menace. There’s also a good dose of suspense, especially during the final 20 minutes, which help to lift the movie out from some of its inevitable TV-movie trappings. Better than The Swarm and many others of its ilk. Followed by Terror Out of the Sky. B
THE SWARM(1978) Probably the most polished of the short-but-prolific killer bee sub-school of movies of the late ’70s. In the aftermath of a devastating attack by a mutated strain of killer bees on a Texas Air Force base, the military is called in to assess the situation and is informed by a scientist (Michael Caine) that the swarm will most likely form a hive in the nearby area. When the surviving victim of a bee attack tries to firebomb said hive, it sends the swarm on a collision course with Houston. While by no means good, The Swarm isn’t so much bad as underwhelming, with too many scenes of people endlessly talking in underground bunkers when director Irwin Allen should have been showing more above-ground bee action. A good cast does its best (with the exception of Caine, whose performance here makes the one in Jaws: The Revenge seem Oscar-worthy), and the bee attack scenes are well-staged, but the film is hindered by an uneven screenplay littered with uninteresting subplots, including a dopey romance between Olivia de Havilland’s school teacher and Fred MacMurray’s town mayor. A box-office dud that killed the killer bee’s future cinematic escapades, until The X-Files took them to a whole new level. Be on the lookout for a movie theater showing The Towering Inferno. C+
TERROR OUT OF THE SKY(1978) The National Bee Center in New Orleans faces a crisis when one of their own is killed by bees at their adjacent apiary, causing concern with scientist Jeannie Devereaux (Tovah Feldshuh) that the breed of bee might be related to the deadly swarm that attacked and killed so many in The Savage Bees. While Jeannie and her coworkers race to stop a new spread of killer bees, she gets stuck in a ridiculous love triangle involving her insensitive boyfriend (Dan Haggerty) and her more enlightened boss (Efrem Zimbalist Jr.). A somewhat lackluster sequel, this spends a good amount of time on its central characters looking for the bees, with too many instances of people poo-pooing the science behind the bee attacks, bringing in to question whether the deaths in the 1976 movie were ever reported. Technically well-made, but with very little terror, or anything else worth recommending. C
BEAKS(1987) Birds seek revenge against their human oppressors in this bird-brained Hitchcock wannabe. Scowling television reporter, Vanessa (Michelle Johnson), and her grinning cameraman lover, Peter (Christopher Atkins), are assigned to cover an incident involving violent chicken attacks and end up scoring the story of a lifetime when the world—which looks suspiciously like Spain—comes under attack by all manner of feathered fiends, but mostly pigeons. The attacks include a small plane taken down by a flock of pigeons, a baby and mother clawed to death, and a game hunter who believes the birds are planning a war with humanity—and has his eye gouged out by a falcon. Stiffly directed and badly acted/dubbed, Beaks is a blatant rip-off of The Birds, right down to the attack on a children’s birthday party. Super lame. Expect a lot of scenes of birds flying in slow motion. The American VHS release entitled Beaks: The Movie (in case you mistook it for Beaks: The Snout?) was shorn of extra gore, with most overseas prints running 100 minutes. You’ll be thankful for those missing minutes. D–
DAY OF THE ANIMALS(1977) The Earth’s ozone layer is depleting, causing chaos around the world, especially in Northern California where the wildlife is turning violent. This is bad news for rugged outdoorsman Christopher George and his large group of wilderness explorers during their excursion through a rocky patch of woods—complete with growling mountain lions, patrolling birds of prey, and grumpy grizzlies. The vacationers include the usual stockpile of characters, including the bickering couple, the wise Native American, the loudmouth Beverly Hills brat, and the naive kid. Director William Girdler learned a lot from his previous nature-gone-amok film, Grizzly, as Day of the Animals is a much more polished, suspenseful production, with the always-welcome team of George and real life wife Lynda Day George on tap for some kick-ass heroics. Taking itself extremely seriously—the film opens with one of those text scrawls reminding us of the dangers of an unbalanced ecosystem—Day of the Animals has its moments of dark humor, with a particularly bitchy character getting attacked not once but twice before her final demise at the beaks of hungry vultures. The film is worth watching alone for the sight of comedic actor, Leslie Nielsen, playing a racist brute who goes mano-a-mano with a very large bear. The bear wins. Good fun! B+
GRIZZLY(1976) Perhaps the first “Jaws on Land” movie to follow in the wake of the Spielberg monster, Grizzly is a film that knows it’s ripping off Jaws, but does it well. The vicious deaths of two backpackers doesn’t bode well for a nearby national park resort when word spreads that the campers were killed and eaten by a rogue, bloodthirsty bear. In the Jaws formula, the plot follows Chief Park Ranger, Kelly (Christopher George), and his merry crew of forest rangers, including bear know-it-all, Scotty (Richard Jaeckel), whose expertise leads him to believe the carnage is the work of a 15-foot grizzly. More pieces of campers surface, causing concern with the park’s supervisor (Joe Dorsey) who’s using the media circus as a ploy to bring in more tourists. The violence escalates when a small boy has his leg ripped off and his mother is killed. Director William Girdler is skillful at setting up the attack sequences, many of which are handled with visceral, gory detail. George makes for a likable Brody-type hero, but one can’t help feel the screenwriters wrote themselves into a corner; unlike the fast-paced climax of Jaws, Grizzly‘s finale is a rather lackluster foot chase. Still, this is an enjoyable piece of ’70s genre filmmaking by the late Girdler, who sadly died in a helicopter crash several years after Grizzly become a box-office hit. B
KILLER FISH (1979) It’s surprising to see Lee Majors, Marisa Berenson, and Karen Black in low-grade cheese like Killer Fish, but here they are, slumming it for Italian exploitation maestro Antonio Margheriti (Cannibal Apocalypse). Shot in Brazil, this heist-horror-jungle adventure (now there’s a sub-sub-subgenre you don’t see much of!) features a gang of thieves trying to retrieve their stolen loot from the bottom of a piranha-infested South American lake. It’s to nobody’s shock when several of the cast members end up getting their limbs torn to shreds by the hungry fish. Unfortunately, it takes way too long to get to that point as we’re forced to watch a good cast chewing the scenery with uninteresting dialogue and tiresome situations, including an amazingly dull romance between Majors and fashion model Margaux Hemingway. They look bored. You’ll be bored. Watch Piranha instead of this snoozefest. D
WILD BEASTS (1984)The first fifteen minutes of Wild Beasts are a total bore, with endless scenes of lifeless characters muttering uninteresting dialogue intermixed with cityscape images more appropriate for a travelogue than a movie. The film comes to life when a couple of hormonal teenagers are eaten to death by hundreds of rats while trapped in their car. This is followed by several instances of characters being torn to shreds by a pride of lions, done in extremely realistic and grisly detail. Say one thing about this Italian production: it really knows how to make you flinch in the face of graphic carnage. As for the plot? It’s the family-friendly story of a European city (Frankfurt, Germany) terrorized by all sorts of escaped zoo animals driven crazy from contaminated water. Unfortunate victims are stampeded to death by elephants, chased by cheetahs, and in a suspenseful sequence, a group of people on a stalled train are forced to watch a man get eaten alive by a tiger. Definitely not a film for those easily rattled, but for the more adventurous viewer Wild Beasts comes recommended. B
BUG(1975) An earthquake in a desert town unleashes hordes of electrically-charged, prehistoric roaches that, when threatened, set fire to anything they touch. This proves disastrous for the small settlement when the bad bugs begins torching homes—and people. Bradford Dillman plays a science teacher who, in his quest to try and understand the bugs, inadvertently helps them evolve. Way to go, Dillman! This William Castle production (the last before his death in 1977) has the look of a polished studio film, and is well directed by future Jaws 2 helmer, Jeannot Szwarc. Yet at its core, Bug is just a silly B-movie taken way too seriously. Several of the bug attack/fire scenes are fun (especially when poor Joanna Miles goes up in flames in her kitchen), but the middle half drags considerably and relies too much on Dillman’s scientist-turned-madman subplot. The downbeat ending helps stabilize the film, but just slightly. C
THE FOOD OF THE GODS(1976) H.G. Wells would be rolling over in his grave if he saw this “adaptation” of his 1904 novel, The Food of the Gods and How It Came to Earth. While on a hunting trip on a British Columbian island, a trio of friends stumble upon gigantic chickens, wasps, and rats—which don’t waste any time in taking over their new place on the food chain and making dinner out of the locals. It seems the animals and insects grew to extraordinary size after ingesting a mysterious substance emanating from the ground on a nearby farm, which its owners believe is God’s way of punishing the sinners of the world. The rats become the dominant species on the island, eventually trapping the survivors inside the farmhouse where they fight to the death. The special FX are very hokey but fun, especially when the rats are chowing down on the humans—the film’s PG-rating is very suspicious! Despite its limitations, this is an enjoyable low-budget romp that was a surprise hit in the drive-in circuit. Pamela Franklin is a hoot as a scientist who, in the face of death, wants macho hero, Marjoe Gortner, to have sex with her before they die. Followed by a 12-years-later sequel. B–
KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS(1977) It must have been written into star William Shatner’s contract that he gets to ride horseback and lasso a calf. All this is displayed in the opening scene of Kingdom of the Spiders, a clever little B-movie that’s actually very good. Shatner plays Dr. Hansen, a small town vet—and all around cowboy stud—who’s stumped when livestock in the area start dying from what appears to be spider venom. Things get worse when Hansen’s neighbors start turning up encased in webs. Hansen believes things will settle down once arachnid expert and love interest, Diane (Tiffany Bolling), shows up. But the discovery of several massive spider hills on a local farmer’s property bodes badly for a Hansen/Diane love story when the spiders form a deadly army. The structure of the screenplay has more than a passing resemblance to The Birds, including a scene where Hansen and gang seek shelter inside a luncheonette while hordes of tarantulas drop in through the chimney. In the end, Kingdom of the Spiders is a suspenseful and well-made flick with a likable hero in Shatner, and a downbeat ending that works. A must-see for the “When Critters Attack” lover. B+
MOSQUITO(1994) In an homage to 1953’s The War of the Worlds, Mosquito opens with the arrival of a crashed spaceship. As the door opens, a lifeless alien arms extends out, and a mosquito happens by and bites it. A short time later, the mosquito population has mutated into ginormous monsters, which waste no time in making a buffet out of the nearby state park residents. Various campers and forest rangers are impaled and sucked dry by the flying creatures, leaving a trail of desiccated bodies in their wake. It’s up to a pack of survivors—including Leatherface himself, Gunnar Hansen, as a God-fearing bank robber—to try and stop the giant bugs from taking over the world. The movie’s low-budget FX and gore are a welcome addition to the intentionally campy nature the filmmakers were obviously striving for, and as a result, Mosquito works fairly well. The pacing (which is at times relentless), a good cast, and an overall sense of enjoyment also help to make Mosquito a fun little Michigan-shot monster movie. Don’t miss the scene where Hansen breaks out a chainsaw found in an abandoned house: “I haven’t handled one of these in 20 years.” B
Jaws: The Revenge – 1987, US, 89m. Director: Joseph Sargent. Streaming: TBS, TNT
JAWS(1975) The original summer blockbuster, Jaws still holds up as not only a terrifying experience, but a brilliant piece of suspenseful filmmaking. In the days leading up to the annual Fourth of July regatta, the quaint island community of Amity is turned upside down by a series of shark attacks, engulfing the beachfront hamlet in terror. New Chief of Police, Brody (Roy Scheider), wants to close the beaches, while greedy town Mayor Vaughn (Murray Hamilton) wants to keep them open for the lucrative summer season—which became the benchmark plot device for all Animal Attack movies that followed. Steven Spielberg’s masterful direction keeps the audience tuned into what’s happening on screen while keeping our brains constantly on alert for what we don’t see. As with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the psychological impact the movie’s title had on its viewers before they even saw the actual film, Jaws opens with a white-knuckle attack (made all the more intense by showing less) that gets under your skin until the end. And while the shark is the central figure that draws the characters together, it’s said characters who make the material work. If we didn’t care about them the suspense would be drastically lessened. For an example, just watch any Jaws clone. A+
JAWS 2 (1978) In many ways, Jaws 2 is the ultimate underrated sequel. Sure, it pales in comparison to Spielberg’s masterpiece, but when viewed on its own merits, Jaws 2 delivers the sharky goods. The years following the original shark attacks have been good to Amity officials, Brody (Roy Scheider), and Mayor Vaughn (Murray Hamilton), with life returning to normal on Amity Island. That is until a series of disappearances and deaths cause Brody to believe another Great White has staked a claim off the coast—and he’s right. Refusing to again go through the financial turmoil the town suffered at the teeth of the first shark, Vaughn ignores the facts, causing Brody’s suspicions to spiral out of control—leading to Brody’s removal from the police department, and the beachgoers defenseless. This proves especially bad for Brody’s oldest son, Mike (Mark Gruner), when he and his high school friends go on a sailing escapade, becoming potential shark chum. More of a high-tech monster movie than anything else, Jaws 2 is no doubt flawed, but in terms of a big-budget shark movie, it’s good stuff. Admittedly the middle half, dealing with Brody’s paranoia, drags a bit, but once Mike and gang are out on the water and terrorized by the toothy menace, the film kicks into high gear, with some fairly spectacular set pieces. It lacks the characterization of the first film, and most of the suspense, but Jaws 2 is undeniably exciting. According to John Lemay’s book, Jaws Unmade, Spielberg agreed to take over after original director, John Hancock, was fired by Universal, but only if Spielberg could rewrite a better story. He couldn’t and dropped out. B+
JAWS 3-D (1983) The Brody family is once again terrorized by a Great White in this second sequel to Spielberg’s cash cow, and by making the two Brody sons the central figures of Jaws 3-D one can’t help but feel the filmmakers wrote themselves into a corner. Why Mike (Dennis Quaid) and Sean Brody (John Putch) are important to the plot is incidental; their characters could be named Flotsam and Jetsam and it wouldn’t change any aspect of the script. Taking place at least ten years after the events of Jaws 2, Mike is now an engineer and, along with his marine biologist girlfriend, Kathryn (Bess Armstrong), working for SeaWorld in Florida. On the verge of the park’s grand opening of a series of underwater viewing tunnels, SeaWorld is invaded by a shark. The owner (Louis Gossett, Jr.) believes that, if caught alive, it would be a money-making attraction—that is until the shark’s 35-foot angry Mom crashes the party and begins making a buffet out of the never-ending line of bathing beauties and water skiers. Jaws 3-D (or just Jaws 3 depending on what version you watch) isn’t exactly bad as it is misguided. The screenplay focuses its attention on the baby shark for a good chunk of time, with the mother shark not even appearing on-screen until an hour into the 99-minute movie. This wouldn’t be a deterrent if the film, like the original, had an ounce of suspense, which it doesn’t. Fortunately, the movie’s last 30 or so minutes are rousing enough to pass muster, including an Irwin Allenesque sequence where the shark traps tourists in one of the flooded underwater tunnels. Unfortunately, there are too many instances of mismatched shark stock footage and badly directed (by the first movie’s production designer, Joe Alves) scenes where you can see the mechanical shark’s floor track. It never really works, but under the right circumstances, Jaws 3-D is cheesy entertainment. C+
JAWS: THE REVENGE(1987)Jaws: The Revenge has the rare distinction of being labeled one of the dumbest movies of all time. Is that a fair assessment? Yes and no. I’ve seen far dumber movies—just watch any of the ten Fast and the Furious films—but Jaws: The Revenge definitely takes the cake when it comes to complete lapses in logic. Ignoring the Florida-set Jaws 3, Revenge heads back to Amity where Sean Brody (Mitchell Anderson) has stepped into his deceased father’s shoes as police deputy. Before you can say “repetition,” a revenge-seeking Great White, which has been patrolling the waters looking for its nemeses, the Brody family, gobbles up Sean—which sends distraught Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary) to the Bahamas to spend time with her other son, marine biologist Mike (Lance Guest). In an extremely unbelievable plot twist, the shark follows Ellen from Amity to the Caribbean, where it tortures her psychologically by terrorizing her granddaughter in a scene that must have been inspired by the Jaws attraction at Universal Studios Hollywood. The script never explains how this seemingly supernatural shark can track Ellen from New England to southern waters, or how it knows where members of the Brody family are at any given time. There’s also a brief moment suggesting a psychic link between Ellen and the shark. Pretty dumb stuff. But–I’m going out on a limb here, and sawing it off—the movie isn’t that bad. It’s actually well-directed (by Taking of Pelham One Two Three‘s Joseph Sargent) and acted, with the previously underused Gary in fine form. Where else do you see a grandmother as the heroine? It’s not great, but Jaws: The Revenge is a fun, though very stupid, shark flick. Try to ignore the ludicrous plot and could enjoy yourself. B–
ANACONDA(1997) They don’t make gleefully ridiculous creature features like this anymore. While traveling through a remote patch of South American jungle, an urban film crew making a documentary on an Amazonian tribe is menaced by a humongous anaconda. Hip film student, Terri (Jennifer Lopez), thinks she’s in control, along with her jungle-savvy beau (Eric Stoltz), until they unwisely pick up stranded snake-hunter, Serone (Jon Voight), who manipulates them into catching and filming the anaconda—by which point the reptile has devoured several characters, including Owen Wilson’s hormonal surfer dude. The snake proceeds to chew up the rest of the cast, while Voight chews up the scenery. It’s all cockamamie and predictable, but Anaconda works splendidly thanks to its spirited sense of adventure and obvious homages to the “When Nature Attacks” movies that were so prevalent in the post-Jaws 1970s. Lopez and Ice Cube (as Terri’s cameraman) make a spunky heroic duo, and the mechanical snake FX are terrific. Would pair nicely as a double feature with the equally absurd but always enjoyable jungle adventure/horror Congo. B+
ANTS! (1977)A construction site unearths a breeding ground of poisonous ants, which sends the insects on a collision course with nearby Lakewood Manor, a posh country resort. Following the Jaws mold, the ants bump off several characters, causing hysteria at the resort with the possibility of the place shutting down. This is bad news for the owner (Myrna Loy) and her daughter (Lynda Day George) who are on the brink of selling the place to a sleazoid real estate agent (Gerald Gordon). This made-for-TV movie features several scenes of people covered in ants—most notably a pre-Three’s Company Suzanne Somers—but as with many TV films it moves at a slow pace, killing a lot of the suspense. It does build to a genuinely fun final act as the ants slowly cover the resort, trapping the remaining survivors inside. Slight but enjoyable. Also known as It Happened at Lakewood Manor. B–
SHAKMA(1990) The sight of an enraged, murderous baboon running amok and making mincemeat of its victims is quite amusing. Unfortunately, Shakma has so much working against it it’s difficult to recommend. While participating in an all-night Dungeons & Dragons-type role playing game, a cast of some of the dumbest characters ever find themselves trapped in a medical building. Soon, they’re stalked and dispatched by Shakma, a medically-tested baboon given an experimental serum by pretty boy med student, Sam (Christopher Atkins). Essentially a slasher with a maniacal primate in place of your typical masked madman, Shakma delivers some impressive scenes of said animal jumping and biting people—but none of these so-called scientists are smart enough to, at any point in the movie, look for a weapon or try to escape. The most intelligent character in the film turns out to be a teenage bimbo (Ari Meyers), who brandishes a kitchen knife as soon as she realizes what’s happening. After finding his girlfriend cut to ribbons, Sam tries to perform his own version of “Shock the Monkey” by setting a trap for Shakma, but ultimately he succumbs to his wounds. Garish lighting, an awful synthesizer musical score, and a lengthy runtime make Shakma a nice try, but no banana. C–
SQUIRM(1976) The isolated coastal town of Fly Creek, Georgia, is cut off even more from the outside world when a freak storm floods the roads and downs the power lines. Things are worsened when the electricity from the shredded power cables surges into the ground, causing millions of earthworms to come crawling out—with an appetite for human flesh. It takes a while to get going, but once it does this Southern-fried shocker delivers plenty of gory, squishy mayhem as various people have worms burrow into their skin or get eaten alive from the inside out. They even take over some idiot’s brain, turning him into a psychopathic zombie. Soon the entire area is overwhelmed in a flood of worms, trapping the survivors inside a farmhouse to do battle against the slimy horde. Inventive (and gross) make-up FX and a good cast help to make Squirm a fun little flick. Star Don Scardino went on to have a prolific career in television, including directing several episodes of critical darling, 30 Rock. B
TENTACLES (1977)This Italian-made Jaws rip-off is such a lame duck it’s almost charming. A giant octopus wrecks havoc at Solana Beach, a small resort town in California, where the usual stock characters of bikini beauties, gluttonous tourists, and empty-headed skin divers are high on the menu. And, wouldn’t you know it? The octo-monster party-crashes just in time for the annual regatta. This is strictly by the numbers—but it’s better made than the similar Italian production, The Last Shark—and features a bunch of old-timers going through the motions, including Shelley Winters, John Huston, and Peter Fonda (whose participation is all of a few minutes of screen time). The octopus FX are a mix of plastic tentacles, background screen projection, and the use of a real animal with miniatures. A ’70s crap classic from the director of Beyond the Door. Might be the only post-1950 movie to feature a character with an actual peg-leg. C
Killer Crocodile – 1989, Italy, 90m. Director: Fabrizio De Angelis. Streaming: Roku Channel, Tubi
The Last Shark – 1981, Italy/US, 87m. Director: Enzo G. Castellari. Streaming: Tubi
ALLIGATOR(1980) A little girl buys a pet alligator while on vacation in Florida—this is after she witnesses the vicious attack by a grown gator on its trainer!—and names it Ramon. Her mean dad flushes the baby gator down the toilet, and twelve years later (and a steady diet of hormone-experimented dog carcasses) turns Ramon into a 35-foot monster. Good news is Ramon’s former owner is now a herpetologist (Robin Riker) who’s called in to help a cop (Robert Forster) when chewed off body parts start showing up in the water treatment plant. Like Piranha, Alligator is more of a horror-satire than a straight-up Jaws clone, although it has its fair share of scares, including a terrific reveal of the enormous reptile during a routine sweep of the sewer by Forster and company. The script (co-written by The Howling‘s John Sayles) is witty, and the characters are smart and sympathetic, including Forster’s detective, who’s very sensitive about his male pattern baldness. Funny, gory, and suspenseful, Alligator is not to be missed. B+
ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATION(1991) Straight-forward direct-to-video sequel lacks much of what made the first Alligator work. When body parts start surfacing at a lake adjacent to an upcoming multi-million dollar housing development operated by slimeball real estate mogul Vinnie Brown (Steve Railsback), cop Hodges (Joseph Bologna) and his scientist wife (Dee Wallace Stone) think it’s the work of a large gator. Of course no one believe’s Hodges’s alligator theory, especially the mayor (Bill Daily), who’s in Vinnie’s pocket and refuses to delay an upcoming waterfront carnival. Guess what crashes the event? Basically a loose remake of the first movie, Alligator II‘s differences in plot are so minuscule that by a certain point you’ll throw your hands in the air and try to enjoy the film for what it is—but there isn’t much to recommend. There are some juicy alligator attacks, but too many close-ups of the gator reveal its cut-rate FX work. The humor from Alligator is sorely missed, and one can’t help but feel the good cast is wasted on bland material, although veteran ’80s actor Richard Lynch adds some color to the script as a Quint-like gator hunter. The climactic attack is a rip-off of the much superior Humanoids from the Deep. Look for Jason Voorhees himself, Kane Hodder, as one of Lynch’s stooges. C
CROCODILE(1979) In the post-Jaws nature-gone-amok sub-school of movies, Crocodile ranks at the very bottom of the barrel. Two overworked colleagues take their families on vacation to a resort on the Gulf of Thailand, only to have several family members eaten by a giant crocodile. The beast, which is the result of genetic mutation from nearby atomic bomb testing, continues to gobble up the locals (and wildlife) until the doctors hire a salty fisherman to destroy the animal. Tone-deaf and dull, Crocodile is made by people who thought audiences would be enthralled by never-ending close-ups of crocodile eyelids, atrocious editing, terrible acting, and a lot of scenes of people thrashing around in red-tinted water. The croc inexplicably changes size to appease the screenplay—the reptile is small enough to hide in shallow waters, but is big enough to take down entire villages with a swipe of its tail. There are a couple of gory moments of victims with chewed off limbs and a scene where the croc swallows a trio of skinny-dipping children (a bit that would never get passed by American censors). That’s not enough to compensate sitting through this incomprehensible dreck, which is actually a re-edited 1978 Korean production entitled Crocodile Fangs. Not to be confused with the Italian-made Killer Crocodile, which, compared to this, looks like Jaws. F
KILLER CROCODILE(1989) Fulvia Film, the Italian production company that gave us such classics as Escape from the Bronx and Zombie Holocaust, is responsible for this cardboard Jaws rip-off, which despite its low-tech awkwardness is quite fun. A small group of nature activists combing a large tropical riverbed for radioactive material comes face-to-face with a giant crocodile made unnaturally aggressive from toxic waste. The poisonous chemicals are the result of illegal dumping by a local company, who’s got the town’s bigwig judge in their pocket. When a little girl is almost eaten alive—her father is snatched up by the croc instead—salty game hunter Ennio Girolami is called into action to kill the reptile. The screenplay tries to update its nature-gone-crazy plot for the times by having the protagonists being more environmentally conscious and wanting to protect the crocodile in its natural habitat, but the characters are so idiotic (made worse by stiff acting and bad dubbing) you end up rooting for the croc. In a little bit of plot convenience, the judge and his cronies are devoured by the crocodile before the creature is blown to bits by activist Anthony Crenna. The plastic special effects and exaggerated action scenes lend the film a genuinely cheesy B-movie charm, and you find yourself in more ways than one enjoying it all. Filmed back-to-back with the inevitable Killer Crocodile 2. B–
THE LAST SHARK(1981) One of many Italian-financed, filmed-in-America shark epics churned out in the late ’70s/early ’80s, this amalgamation of Jaws and Jaws 2 is, despite its amateurishness, made by people who seem to respect the material they’re blatantly ripping off. Released in the States as Great White, this features a large shark terrorizing a coastal community. The first to get gobbled up is a windsurfer, who’s shot up into the air when the shark bumps the victim’s surfboard as if the guy was launched out of a cannon! This is followed by the surfacing of body parts, at which point local shark expert, Ron Hamer (Vic Morrow), calls concerns over the town’s upcoming regatta. Why do these plots always involve a regatta? Anyway, the town’s heavyweights (including a powerful politician running for state governor) veto Ron’s worries about more shark attacks and continue with the celebration. The town then sets up shark nets, which cage in beach swimmers from deep water threats—an idea that was originally pitched for Jaws 2, according to Jaws Unmade. It’s not long until the Great White chews its way through the net and turns the regatta into a smorgasbord of shark chum. Gee, do you think the bigwigs could use Ron’s expertise in shark hunting to kill the shark once and for all? Morrow does a Quint impersonation, but in a weird Scottish accent. James Franciscus is a mix of Brody and Hooper (and even Peter Benchley) as a local horror novelist who aids Ron in the destruction of the shark. All of this is stiff and unconvincing, and with a fake shark that looks like a swimming pool float. Universal successfully sued the filmmakers and got the movie removed from theaters, but not before it pulled in big box-office. There’s no accounting for taste. C–
AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981) John Landis followed up his one-two punch of Animal House and Blues Brothers with this superlative horror-comedy about American backpacker, David (David Naughton), who, while hiking the English moors, is cursed with turning into a werewolf. Funny, touching, and scary, American Werewolf set the standard for the modern werewolf movie, and has yet to be matched. Rick Baker’s Oscar-winning special FX still pack a wallop.
THE BLOB(1988) Before he was handling Hollywood heavyweights Jim Carrey and Schwarzenegger, director Chuck Russell was one of horror’s most visually successful filmmakers, going from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 to this first-rate remake of the 1950’s cult classic about a man-made WMD gone horribly awry. Seamlessly mixing excellent special effects into its story and populated by well-written characters, The Blob is that rare remake that’s ten times better than its source material.
THE BURNING(1981) One of the best of the Friday the 13th rip-offs, The Burning is that rare slasher that presents both a fascinating killer arc and a satisfying protagonist story that converge at the end. An immensely likable cast of campers are terrorized by the creepy Cropsy, the former summer camp caretaker who’s seeking revenge for the prank which, five years earlier, left him a fire-scarred monster. A bleak atmosphere, some good scares, and ultra-gory splatter by Tom Savini make this a shining example of low-budget ’80s horror.
CREEPSHOW(1982) The teaming of George Romero and Stephen King paid off with this spirited tribute to the EC Comics of the ’50s. Spinning five tales of terror, Creepshow perfectly balances its scares with laughs, and each story delivers excellent acting and a sense of love for the subject matter. Hal Holbrook, Leslie Nielsen, E.G. Marshal, and Viveca Lindfors are all first-rate, as are the Savini make-up effects, including the ultimate bug rampage.
DAY OF THE DEAD(1985) Zombie King George Romero’s last great film, and the pinnacle of Tom Savini’s stomach-churning gore FX, Day of the Dead might lack Dawn‘s epic sense of story and character arcs, but this strong entry in the Living Dead series is filled with good acting, intelligent story structure, and some truly suspenseful set pieces. Lori Cardille’s Sarah is perhaps the most underrated heroine of the ’80s.
DRESSED TO KILL(1980) Brain De Palma has often been criticized for imitating Hitchcock, and although Dressed to Kill is essentially Psycho turned inside out, De Palma here proved he’s a genuine filmmaker in his own right. From its opening shower dream sequence, to its mesmerizing tracking shots, to the shocking final twist, Dressed to Kill is a slasher fever dream wrapped in a blanket of visual trickery that only De Palma—and, well, Hitchcock—could get away with. It’s a film that’s always one step ahead of you, and it’s as polished and slick as they come.
THE EVIL DEAD (1981) The original cabin-in-the-woods movie, The Evil Dead single-handedly created a sub-school of demonic possession/zombie flicks that made up half of the horror titles of the 1980s. The simple premise of college students accidentally summoning ancient demons that possess them into disfigured zombies is taken to groundbreaking heights thanks to Sam Raimi’s brilliant handling of the material—especially the whiplash-inducing, guerrilla-style camera work that’s since been copied to death, and the wink-wink black comedy thrown in with the outrageous gore. Bruce Campbell’s Ash is the anti-hero of ’80s splatter.
THE FLY (1986) Cronenberg’s masterful remake of the 1958 Vincent Price film is the kind of “re-imagining” Hollywood can only dream of making these days. Jeff Goldblum gives a star-making turn as the doomed Seth Brundle, whose teleportation science project turns him into the titular monster. Equally devastating is his blossoming relationship with journalist, Veronica (Geena Davis), who’s forced to make the ultimate sacrifice. Thoughtful, shocking, and sad, The Fly works because we ourselves fall in love with the characters, and they’ll stay with you after the movie ends.
FRIDAY THE 13TH(1980) Initially looked at as nothing more than a Halloween clone, Friday the 13th has proven itself its own beast and is still one of the best slashers of all time. Set at the quaint, woodsy Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey, an attempted reopening of the place is interrupted by a shadowy killer who bumps off most of the bubbly twenty-somethings until remaining counselor, Alice (Adrienne King), is the Final Girl standing. The murderer turns out to be the camp’s previous cook, Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer), who’s taking revenge for the tragic drowning of her son, Jason, neglected by horny counselors years earlier. With a likable cast, terrific location, and an enjoyably memorable killer, Friday is, in many ways, the perfect slasher.
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH(1982) It’s ironic that the best sequel in the Halloween franchise doesn’t feature the masked maniac Michael Myers. Instead, this colorful entry spins a supernatural tale of witchcraft and robots in the small hamlet of Santa Rosa, where maniacal Irishman, Cochran (Dan O’Herlihy), uses the powers of his ancestors to create Halloween masks that will kill all of America’s kids. Fast-paced and with a genuine comic book vibe—and a terrific score by Alan Howarth and John Carpenter—Season of the Witch is pure ’80s cheesy gold that works wonderfully.
THE LOST BOYS(1987) The best MTV movie MTV never made, The Lost Boys is possibly the quintessential horror movie—one that completely encapsulates the late 1980s. With a pounding rock soundtrack, flashy and colorful fashions, a first-rate cast (Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Jason Patrick, Jamie Gertz, Kiefer Sutherland, Dianne Wiest), and terrific make-up effects, The Lost Boys took the dusty vampire movie into the roaring ’80s and infused it with exciting, fast-paced filmmaking. Sutherland makes for a seductive and scary vamp, while Wiest, Haim, and Patrick have a wonderfully affecting mother-and-sons subplot.
MANIAC(1980) The polar opposite of the post-Friday the 13th slashers, William Lustig’s brutal Maniac is perhaps the most unforgiving horror film of the decade. It also happens to be suspenseful, ugly, shocking, and packaged in a nearly-claustrophobic atmosphere that gets under your skin. Joe Spinell’s Frank Zito is a composite of the many types of serial killers that were predominant at the time, giving the movie a creepily authentic feel.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET(1984) You can’t write about ’80s horror and not mention Wes Craven’s brilliant take on the slasher. With Freddy Krueger, horror had a new iconic killer, brought to life by Robert Englund’s perfect handling of the material. Unlike Michael Myers or Jason, Freddy has a disturbing, unmasked, fire-scarred face, which Englund uses to his full potential. And with Nancy, Heather Langenkamp’s brainy, strong Final Girl, Nightmare delivers a rousing roller coaster ride of scares, laughs, and some spectacular FX set pieces—including the shocking murder of Nancy’s BFF, Tina (Amanda Wyss). There’s also a touching mother/daughter relationship rarely seen in ’80s horror, which is just another wonderfully written addition to a great film.
POLTERGEIST (1982) The film that brought the big budget special FX horror movie back into fashion, this influential Spielberg production became the blueprint from which all future haunted house flicks copied. The All-American Freeling family think they’ve bought their dream home, not realizing the California tract house in question harbors the vengeful spirits of the dead, whose graves were desecrated by the neighborhood’s development company. Despite its masterful special effects showcase, Poltergeist works because of director Tobe Hooper’s handling of the characters, who are always treated more importantly than the supernatural activity, making the film a first-rate thrill machine. It also reminded us why we’re scared of clowns.
PSYCHO II(1983) Unfairly criticized upon its original release, Psycho II is finally receiving the praise it deserves. Paying respect to Hitchcock, as well as updating the story for a modern slasher audience, the film shows how Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) has been declared sane by the state and released. Good ole Mama’s Boy Norman returns to the Bates Motel to find the place has been turned into a sleazy hangout for drug addicts and prostitutes, managed by a slimeball (Dennis Franz) who keeps referring to Normal as “loony.” It isn’t long until Mother starts beckoning (this time on the phone) Norman to do her dirty work and eliminating the sluts and weirdos who deserve it—including the beautiful Marion Crane-ish Mary (Meg Tilly), who’s shacking up with Norman and who might have a secret of her own. Conceived as a whodunit—is Norman really the killer, or is someone out to drive him crazy again?—Psycho II works wonderfully, mostly thanks to its cast (especially Tilly’s sympathetic Mary) and director Richard Franklin’s suspenseful set-ups and sequences.
THERETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985) Taking all the rules of the Romero school of zombies and turning them on their heads, Return offers a wholly different take on the zombie movie by infusing its story with characters who’ve actually seen Night of the Living Dead—so when the dead crawl from their tombs, the survivors already know you gotta shoot ’em in the head. When an army-secured vat containing the remains of a corpse is accidentally opened by a couple of lunkheads, it releases a toxic green mist into the nearby cemetery, causing the neighborhood to overflow with the walking dead. And these zombies don’t just walk, but run and speak! Oh, and the whole “destroying the brain” thing doesn’t work in this universe. Written and directed by Dan O’Bannon, Return of the Living Dead is a film that’s pulsing with energy from beginning to end. It’s also extremely funny, and scary.
THE SHINING(1980) The perfect example of an artistic filmmaker at his prime, The Shining is Stanley Kubrick’s definitive work as both a master storyteller and a brilliant director. Wisely excising a large portion of Stephen King’s mammoth novel, Kubrick sets up the basics of the book and delivers a chilling story about Jack Torrence (an unforgettable Jack Nicholson), a man struggling in life and with art; his wife, Wendy (Shelley Duvall); and young son, Danny (Danny Lloyd), all of whom become victims of the sinister Overlook Hotel. The cast is excellent—especially Nicholson in a performance that would be mimicked for years to come—and Kubrick’s haunting tracking shots and use of wide open spaces gives the film a genuinely bone-chilling feel. An unsettling psychological slow-burn with a powerhouse climax, The Shining is in many ways the perfect horror movie.
SLEEPAWAY CAMP(1983) An absurd slasher masterwork, Sleepaway Camp is the only rip-off of the 1980s to accidentally becomes a work of genius. In an attempt to mimic the success of Friday the 13th, the movie’s plot—about the gruesome murders of campers and counselors at a summer camp in upstate New York—becomes secondary to the larger-than-life characters and the overwhelming atmosphere of pure, unadulterated ’80s nostalgia. It shouldn’t, yet everything about the movie works, including Felissa Rose as Angela, who, in the film’s infamous twist ending, is revealed to be a teenage boy.
THE STEPFATHER(1987) Before he starred in the popular TV show, Lost, Terry O’Quinn gave a scarily realistic performance of a mentally unhinged serial killer in this nail-biting chiller. Both charming and unsettling, O’Quinn is Jerry Blake, a seemingly mild-mannered businessman whose recent marriage to single mom, Susan, (Shelley Hack), doesn’t sit well with daughter, Stephanie (Jill Schoelen), and for good reason. Jerry has a nasty habit of marrying into families and killing them when they don’t meet his Leave It to Beaver worldview. It builds to an incredibly intense finale between stepdad and stepdaughter. An underrated gem.
THE THING(1982) Much like The Blob remake, John Carpenter’s rebuffing of The Thing From Another World is a shining example of a remake done better. Kurt Russell gives one of his best performances as MacReady, the headstrong helicopter pilot stationed at Outpost 31 in the Antarctic. The U.S. research spot becomes a hotbed of paranoia when an alienoid parasite defrosts from its crashed spaceship and begins replicating and picking off the Outpost staff. Intense and claustrophobic, Carpenter not only builds suspense, but pushes it into your face when you least expect it. Added to the mix are some jaw-dropping Rob Bottin creature FX, which still hold up today.
Honorable Mentions:Friday the 13th Part 2, Fright Night, Hellraiser, The Howling, Humanoids from the Deep, Near Dark, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Re-Animator, Silent Night, Deadly Night
There were a lot of horror comedies in the ’80s and ’90s. For me, none attain the charm, likability, and pure laugh-out-loud moments like 1989’s Girlfriend from Hell. Although it had its premiere at the Houston Film Festival in April, 1989, it wasn’t officially released (on video) until 1990. I first noticed it—sadly—in a sale bin at the local mall’s Saturday Matinee video store, circa 1993. Intrigued by the colorful VHS box art of star Liane Curtis with wild ’80s devil-hair, her oversized hand reaching to grab one of the men scrambling to escape, I immediately scooped it up and have since been a fan.
Cute preppy couple, Diane (Lezlie Deane) and David (James Daughton), decide to fix up their respective friends, Maggie (Curtis) and Carl (Anthony Barrile), on a blind date. The thing is, both Maggie and Carl suffer from extreme self-esteem issues and are unbearably shy. Carl’s shyness is so crippling that it prevents him from getting ready for his date—at which point his father (James Karen) tells him to “give up and go get it from the neighborhood slut,” like he did. Moments later, Carl’s enlightened dad is punched out by his loving, hair roller-wearing mother.
Only slightly more outgoing, Maggie is so nervous about meeting Carl that she’s constantly on the verge of puking. She, Diane, David, and Carl converge at a birthday party for Rocco (Ken Abraham), boyfriend and punching bag to Alice (Hilary Morse). While Alice and Rocco throw food at each other—admittedly, I named a goldfish after Rocco!—the Devil himself arrives and slams right into Maggie, along with devil-bounty hunter, Chaser (Dana Ashbrook). Maggie becomes possessed, sheds her shy, good-girl act, and becomes a busty, big-haired party woman who knocks Chaser out and hides him in the closet.
It isn’t long until Maggie/the Devil becomes the life (and death) of the party by drinking all the booze (“Maggie, when did you start drinking?”), playing loud rock music, and seducing all the men. The comedy gets amped when Freda (Sarah Katie Coughlan) and Teddy (Brad Zutaut) arrive after having been at Bible camp for two weeks. Everyone watches slack-jawed while Maggie breaks out into a diatribe against Jesus and Christianity. “I doubt the Lord would find that amusing,” remarks Teddy. Moments later Maggie possesses a baby to viciously attack its mother.
Maggie eventually (and literally) sucks the souls out of most of the men at the party before Chaser awakens and informs Diane that, decades earlier—when he died—he was awarded the role of Devil-chaser by God to atone for his sins. With his handy transporter device, Chaser teams up with Diane to capture Maggie and send the Devil back to Hell. Unfortunately, Diane breaks the transporter, sending the two through time while Maggie continues to collect souls—including Teddy’s, who’s turned into a zombified sex-fiend after Maggie, in the words of Freda, touches his “pee-pee.” (Maggie later turns Freda into a goldfish.)
The reason Girlfriend from Hell works is mostly because of the cast. Deane and Ashbrook play well off each other, while Abraham and Morse have some truly gut-busting moments together. Coughlan steals most of her scenes as Freda, who comes off as a sort of nerdy Daryl Hannah. The entire film rests on the shoulders of Curtis (Sixteen Candles, Critters 2), whose comedic timing is pitch perfect; her scenes with Barrile (Vinnie from Friday the 13th Part V) are some of the best in the movie, particularly in a moment when, after nearly running over gun-carrying nuns named Sisters Franks and Beans, Barrile states, “I like her! I really do!”
Having finally gotten a Blu-ray release from Vinegar Syndrome, Girlfriend from Hell is alive and well, and ready for rediscovery!
CANNIBAL CAMPOUT(1988) A quartet of likable-enough teens get more than they bargained for in this over-the-top gorefest from the co-director of Woodchipper Massacre. While on a weekend excursion in the New Jersey wilderness—the location of which just happens to be the site of several brutal and unsolved murders—four high school friends become the main course for a trio of redneck, cannibalistic killers, one of which wears a fighter pilot helmet and visor (the product most likely the result of someone in the crew having recently watched Top Gun). The usual gory hijinks ensue, with several of the cast members being viciously slaughtered and dismembered, with mostly gross results—the Savini-like FX are fairly good despite the lunchbox budget. A harmless bit of homemade horror, this is hampered by too many scenes of characters roaming aimlessly through the woods to fill out its 88 minutes. Recommended only for SOV enthusiasts. C+
VIDEO VIOLENCE (1987)The plot of Video Violence is so clever, it’s surprising it wasn’t made by a big studio. Instead, this shot-on-video slasher-satire was filmed by a group of friends in Bayonne, New Jersey, and the final product is a work of creative, if low-tech, zero-budget filmmaking. Steve (Art Neill), the owner of a video rental store, discovers a real snuff movie has been accidentally sent to his shop and goes straight to the police, who immediately dismiss him. Rick (Kevin Haver), Steven’s new employee, is the obvious culprit, but the mayhem is actually the creation of a couple of beer-guzzling chowderheads who are kidnapping, torturing, and murdering victims on camera—all with the help of the small town’s residents, whose growing appetite for video splatter has turned them all into blood-thirsty wackos. With better acting and story structure than you’d expect from a SOV splatter flick, Video Violence is a nice addition to the sub-subgenre of low-fi horror—but like most of the ilk, it runs way too long. Just don’t expect much and you might enjoy yourself. B–
WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE(1988) An absurd, occasionally funny shot-on-camcorder horror-comedy filmed in Connecticut concerning three siblings left alone for the week with their strict, gray-haired Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride), whose unreasonable demands and accusations make Mrs. Bates seem downright charming. Things get complicated when the youngest brother (Tom Casiello) accidentally stabs Tess to death with a hunting knife, resulting in—you guessed it!—the kids using their father’s backyard woodchipper to dispose of the body, which comes in handy when their nosy cousin starts sniffing around. Anyone going into this is most likely not expecting an unpredictable plot, deep character arcs, or intelligent writing, which is good because Woodchipper Massacre has none of those things—its one-sentence premise is stretched to a long 80-minutes. If the movie works at all it’s because of the kids, all of whom have energy and are clearly enjoying themselves. But, for a film with “massacre” in the title, this is surprisingly devoid of the red stuff. C
BLOOD HOOK (1987) A sprightly, slightly juvenile slasher-comedy about a group of twenty-somethings spending the weekend at their yuppie friend’s (Mark Jacobs) family lake house who end up fighting for their lives against someone killing the locals by dragging them into the water with a fishing hook. The obvious culprit is a muttering, Crazy Ralph-like coot, but the actual killer is the seemingly-friendly bait shop owner (Don Winters) who’s grinding the victims into pieces and selling the remains as fishing bait. A Troma splatter-romp filmed in Wisconsin—with some actual laughs and a cast of likable characters—this was originally given an X rating and shorn of nearly 20 minutes of footage when released theatrically. I seriously doubt the movie loses any character development or plot points in those precious extra minutes, but for what it is, Blood Hook is harmless, yet overlong at any length. C+
CURSE OF THE BLUE LIGHTS(1988) This regional creature feature might be subpar in the acting and photography department, but it thrives on unbridled imagination and impressive low-budget make-up FX. A group of teens looking for a little excitement in their quiet, cornfield-lined town drive to an isolated piece of land called the Blue Lights to party and have sex—but end up getting caught in a centuries-old plan by a monstrous warlock (Brent Ritter) to resurrect the Muldoon Man, a legendary, all-powerful being that once ruled the primeval world. A curious movie, Curse has the feel of a backyard, family-made flick, but is handled with so much care and attention to detail it’s surprising this hasn’t attained a cult following. The pacing wanes here and there, but everything about the movie is so impressive it’s difficult not to enjoy it all. A little movie with big aspirations, this is recommended to anyone who found Spookies to be their cup of tea. Funny bit: a license plate that reads, “IM2CUL.” B
HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY FIVE(1985) A hodgepodge of slasher movie clichés, bizarre comedy, and incoherent storytelling, this bargain-basement oddity feels like the bastard child of John Waters and Herschell Gordon Lewis—on acid. College students assigned to do a study on a Nazi serial killer(!) get stranded in the middle of nowhere and are terrorized by a couple of demented brothers whose father just happens to be the Nazi in question. And that’s about as logical as I can make this movie sound. Thrown into the confusing brew are actors flubbing their lines, slap-happy, cartoonish fist fights, a man who falls face-first onto the spikes of a garden rake, and for those who like their pot of crazy fully stirred, a killer in a Richard Nixon mask. The debut feature film of music video director Richard Casey. Stick with your day job, Richard. D
SLAUGHTERHOUSE ROCK(1988) College student Alex (Nicholas Celozzi) is plagued by nightmares about a demonic figure killing people in a dungeon-like setting. When Alex’s dreams begin to spill over into reality, his friends and a teacher—who just happens to be an occultist!—discover it might have something to do with a former Alcatraz prisoner/serial killer. Thinking it might break Alex’s curse, they travel to the island, where Alex is confronted by the ghost of a dead rocker (Toni Basil) whose suicide summoned forth Alex’s dream demon—which winds up possessing Alex’s brother (Tom Reilly), turning him into a yellow-eyed monster. The script never bothers to explain how these one-dimensional characters come to the conclusion Alex’s nightmares are coming from Alcatraz—one of many plot inconsistencies. It just reeks of a way to satisfy the producers’ appetites for the jailhouse-set slashers that were popular at the time. There are a couple of good FX sequences, but they’re not enough to recommend this soulless Nightmare on Elm Street rip-off. C–
